To be a bit sad I’ve never received a Christmas stocking?

[Jumpeduppantry]

I know, very much a minor thing in the grand scheme and all that. But I grew up in a very isolated family (no grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins) and parents with very firm ideas about the importance of not spoiling children.
We were never told about Santa (as in, being given to believe in it), never had Christmas stockings, very limited presents that were never wrapped (wasteful), not allowed a selection box (too indulgent) or annuals (considered unsuitable).
We did get presents, but always limited and very sensible. I appreciate that plenty of kids receive worse but it always seemed a bit miserable especially when I got older and realised what friends experience was like. Looking back now it just feels such a shame and sad that this was a choice, not anything about affordability.
I have tried to do things very differently with my kids, not OTT but making Christmas fun and sparkly (and Santa came to our house when the kids were little). I still do stockings for them even now they’re adults (which I think they like).
It just struck me as a little sad that I’ve never had a stocking for me.
I need to get a grip, obviously!

Do you have a partner who could do one for you?

Ask your children to do you one OP. I'm sure they'd be happy to, especially if you told them why.

If I knew your other half I would tell them to do one for you!

Gosh that is sad, very austere!! The unwrapped presents is quite extreme.

Would you like someone to do you a stocking now, or is it more just about the feeling of sadness? Were your parents nice otherwise? If yes I feel a bit sorry for them with this extremely puritanical and joyless approach to Christmas.

I do have a DH who is very anti-waste, no plastic tat (which I agree with) and he would be happy to not bother with presents for adults at all to be honest. I am the present buyer in the house. I think I’d feel a bit ridiculous asking DH, might try the kids. I suppose it’s the asking that’s difficult. I know I’m being unreasonable but I kind of get lump in my throat thinking about it!

What’s the point in such a miserable Christmas. It sounds like you have given your children a lovely time but I can see why you feel sad. Make yourself a stocking or ask your children to 🎄

@Jumpeduppantry - you are most definitely not being unreasonable!

Your husband sounds as much fun as your parents - not good.

My parents were like this too... think I got a set of office pens most years, maybe some practical item of clothing. I remember being horribly embarrassed at school when friends asked me what I'd got for Christmas. Your kids doing you a stocking would be so sweet and I'm sure they'd find it fun putting it together!

Is there someone who could do a little stocking for you? Could you make an agreement with your siblings to do one for each other? They missed out as children too, so they might enjoy it. If I knew you in RL I would do one for you. The person needs to know you so that you can get that lovely feeling when you find your favourite chocolate/shower gel/socks in it.

Unless they are not your thing it also needs to have a chocolate orange and some chocolate money.

I bet you gave your children the best time. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with people who love you.

You need to get your children to do one!
And if they ever have kids make a ‘stocking for granny’ a thing, it would be a lovely tradition even if you end up with random stuff that small children think you will want.

Even if you feel ridiculous, tell him how you feel. It’s important to you. Tell your kids if they’re old enough too x Also tell your friends. As someone who has fab Christmases but who hopes for presents I don’t get because I told nobody …. Just tell him!!!

To be honest my parents never did stockings either, but I moved out at 18 and then got my own place after uni halls. So pretty much as soon as I moved out, I got myself my own stocking. Yeah it might be weird to some, but sometimes you have to set your own traditions. I’m hugely into all the Christmas things my family wasn’t into, and celebrating allllll the occasions that they didn’t like Halloween etc and I’m happier for it.

Oh bless you, OP. I wish I knew you IRL then I could do one for you.

Ask your partner or children. Stockings don't have to be waste or plastic tat- there are lots of things that make nice little stocking gifts and are also useful.

DH & I give each other smallish stockings - about 4-6 high quality consumable items like chocolate, soaps, mini cocktails or high spec versions of things we each like (I had the nicest Korean bbq sauce from DH one year). It's not wasteful as we eat or use everything, but still feels special.

This website has pre-made stockings with gifts, you select the person’s interests and what you get is a complete surprise:

https://santasorted.co.uk

equally Amazon do similar (but you can see the included gifts so not totally blind): www.amazon.co.uk/pre-filled-christmas-stockings/s?k=pre+filled+christmas+stockings

What a shame that you married somebody who has the same weird values as your parents. I used to do a stocking for my parents. I hope your kids will do the same.

I gave my mum her first ever stocking when she was 66. She (and I) are from a different countries with different traditions from the UK. She spent one Christmas with us and made her a stocking, she was thrilled to bits. I'm sure your kids would be pleased to do this for you!

One Christmas I spent with friends and their adult kids where everyone was in charge of one person's stocking, with an overall price limit. It was really lovely and spread out the responsibility.

I don't see the point in dwelling on it tbh. You can't go back and change it so enjoy what you have as an adult. No harm in asking your kids if they'd do something for you now though.

Stockings do need to have tat in. Dh and I do one for each other it has in it things like book, a more luxury shower gel, chocolates, socks or scarf, some bits for our hobbies or sports sometimes a fun piece of jewellery. We love it and means so much so please make one for yourself!

i would do one for myself! It wouldn't have the surprise factor, but I would have a book, nice bath and body stuff, some chocolate just for me! Definitely get yourself a treat.

s this just about stockings or is it part of a bigger issue? If you ask your DH will he embrace the idea or will he dismiss you as being unreasonable?

Because you are absolutely not being unreasonable.

how could wanting a bit of joy and frivolity from someone you love ever be considered so?

if your DH embraces the idea run with it and love every minute. There are so many options that are neither wasteful or tat. If he is not keen then buy yourself some treats and have a serious think about what you want your future to look like

Your childhood sounds like mine OP, it was a miserable way to grow up. My parents never bothered with Father Christmas, stockings or even a tree, and they could certainly afford it. They saw it as frivolous and a waste of money. We were given 'sensible' presents that they thought we needed (noteably an Oxford dictionary when I was ten, and a laptop case when I was a teenager). They wouldn't even light the fire, because it would make too much of a mess... The whole day was joyless and depressing. One Christmas Eve we stayed at our grandparent's house and DGM put some chocolate coins and a book in a pillowcase at the foot of my bed - waking up to find that is my happiest Christmas memory.

I always make a big effort for our DC as a result, gather little bits and bobs that I spot throughout the year for their stocking, so they get things they will actually like. We decorate the house, play Christmas songs, have our crappy electric fire fire going, make cookies for Santa. My parents turn their nose up every time our DC talk about Father Christmas.

Sadly, our budget doesn't stretch to a stocking for me, and DH wouldn't entertain the idea anyway...!

I think you should have a chat with your DC and tell them about your childhood and how much it would mean to have a stocking now. Ask them to do one between them. Tell them it doesn't need to be expensive, just bits and pieces.

YANBU at all. It was hugely unfair of your parents to cheat you out of Christmas.
Either suggest to someone close to you or put a lovely stocking together yourself this year (I buy & wrap all my own things anyway!)

You’re not being unreasonable and you don’t need to get a grip. I’m sad for you, OP. You deserve to have a stocking and if you were my friend, I’d do one for you.