To be a bit sad I’ve never received a Christmas stocking?

[Jumpeduppantry]

I know, very much a minor thing in the grand scheme and all that. But I grew up in a very isolated family (no grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins) and parents with very firm ideas about the importance of not spoiling children.
We were never told about Santa (as in, being given to believe in it), never had Christmas stockings, very limited presents that were never wrapped (wasteful), not allowed a selection box (too indulgent) or annuals (considered unsuitable).
We did get presents, but always limited and very sensible. I appreciate that plenty of kids receive worse but it always seemed a bit miserable especially when I got older and realised what friends experience was like. Looking back now it just feels such a shame and sad that this was a choice, not anything about affordability.
I have tried to do things very differently with my kids, not OTT but making Christmas fun and sparkly (and Santa came to our house when the kids were little). I still do stockings for them even now they’re adults (which I think they like).
It just struck me as a little sad that I’ve never had a stocking for me.
I need to get a grip, obviously!

Oh I feel for you. A stocking is wonderful. I had them until I was 11 and they were the loveliest part of Christmas. My mum and dad had some quite austere views on Christmas which were more common then - we weren’t allowed to watch TV at all during Christmas until I was about 6, the whole festival involved a lot of church visiting and Father Christmas wasn’t really mentioned, but we still had stockings and a wonderful time with lots of games, music and laughs.

We got much more penniless by the time I was 10 and my mum said it was time for me to stop having them. I asked if it was the work involved or the money that made it difficult, and my mum said the money. So I asked her if I could have one more stocking that year, but made up of things from round the house wrapped up. So that’s what she did. It meant I still had the magical start to Christmas Day that I wanted. I wonder if your Dh, or a friend, would do that for you? Just to show you that you are loved and valued and that your wishes are legitimate 💐

Apologies.
I miss read what you said.
🙂

Definitely ask the kids and let husband know. It doesn't have to be important to him but he needs to see it's important to you.

I never had a new bike as a kid - always from the tip shop or my brother's hand-me-downs. Didn't really bother me that much, I was just wistful about it.
That Christmas, my husband and son carried the bike they'd be secretly building in the cellar, up the stairs and placed it in front of the tree. It had a ribbon on it and everything. I still well up when I think of how thoughtful it was. And I still ride it!

Do you receive any nice gifts at all? Your husband sounds just like your parents.

Buy yourself a lovely stocking and fill it. It won't be a surprise but at least it will set an example for your family that you deserve treats, as well.

On another thread, I and several others mentioned that we buy ourselves gifts all year round and set them aside for Christmas Day. by then it's easy to forget what they are, so the element of surprise is somewhat there.

Do yourself a stocking this year, and then starting in January, create your own surprise basket for Christmas gifts 2026.

Ask the children.

Give them some money and take them to the shops if young!

Me and DH do each others bit the kids can add to them.

DD and BF have moved into their own property and I’ve just brought them some stockings to hang up

We do little things, lip balm, socks, sweets, chocolate, phone wires, nothing huge or expensive.

Everyone deserves a stocking

@PermanentTemporary what a beautiful soul! I hope you have been able to buy yourself some nice things now and then as an adult.

I was a bit down on stockings this year. My 16 &18 year old have so much already. But this thread has handed my mojo right back to me!

I guess every family has its own traditions, and we didn’t have actual stockings as such, but plenty of presents wrapped up in a sack which was what we carried through for DS. I guess in my case it’s just semantics as Christmas was/is always a joyful experience which it sounds like yours hasn’t been, and as an adult your DH doesn’t seem to be understanding your needs being emotional rather than practical.

As your DC are adults, could you ask them to put together a stocking for you for Christmas ? Presumably they buy you a present? So between them they could put together some little things in a stocking for you .

For me the point of it was waking up to the weight and shape of the stocking at the end of the bed, and a little solo present joy all by myself - they weren’t part of the main day IYSWIM and I’m a lot younger than my siblings, we didn’t open them together. Present opening was quite a big deal in my family and done later and later in the day as we got older. That was fine, but the stocking was all about stupid pure fun stuff.

My family didn’t do stockings growing up – it just want a thing, we weren’t frugal or anything. My DH, who came from a stocking heavy family, found this abysmal and has organised my stocking every year since we first met.

I appreciate the gesture but have to say I still find stockings a bit superfluous!

Ask your partner if you’d like one. It’s hardly a big ask

@PermanentTemporary
Yes, that’s what we didn’t have, and I don’t think I realised the difference between a stocking and our presents downstairs until quite recently on MN. As we got plenty of presents, I always imagined a stocking was an old fashioned thing people did years ago when they couldn’t afford dolls houses or other large presents. We opened presents together at home and it’s what DH and I did for our DS. If DH had different traditions, he never said. I must admit, I still don’t get it really.

It’s different in every family (in our case it was visibly to keep us in bed and quiet-ish for an extra 30 minutes or so 😂 so I have never understood the ‘I want to see the children opening their stockings’ thing which seems to be huge in many in-law households). Fundamentally, if you feel loved and cherished by your parents, whether you have a stocking or not is mostly irrelevant of course. But it’s still something special in our culture I think.

I think you abu, as you did have Christmas and probably compared with thousands of other children, quite a good one.
You made up for your wants by doing all the things you feel left out in, with your own children which is lovely.
Please let go of this feeling of missing out, it's really silly.

I think in your situation I would do myself a stocking just to experience a bit of that joy (they are a lovely tradition). It may only need to be a one time thing just to heal some of the sorrow you have about your childhood. You’ve said it’s not about the presents, its the lack of feeling cherished by your parents that created this wound. So that makes it quite a heavy thing to lay on your kids but if you feel able you could explain to your husband why you are doing it so it doesn’t have to be in secret. I don’t think I’d expect him to participate if he finds gift buying tricky.

You are allowed to be upset, @Jumpeduppantrywe don't have to put up with everything. I presume there was some religious thing going on. I'm sorry your husband is tight too.

There needs to be some fun in the middle of winter!

There are ways to do christmas without plastic tat and waste, in fact Santa Clause is one of them, he's free! Part of the magic for me as a kid was that you never ever saw him, christmas eve night was just completely magic in anticipation. There are so many ways to celebrate christmas making I'd magical without excess, it is a shame for you.

Your husband surely isn't so militant about waste he can't see that a stocking with some nice eco packaged pamper things, luxury chocolates etc etc would be both thoughtful AND eco friendly? I made my own child's stocking, he could do the same or even buy one second hand, there's tons on vinted! And fill it for you with meaningful things that will get used but which are treats for the season.

If I were you, and depending on the age if your children, I'd have a making session where you make a big felt stocking then have them sew or glue on their own decorations on it, then either give them a little budget to buy you some bits or get your husband to do it with them.

But surely stocking filler type presents are so easy and fun! He could get you some things from Lush or body shop, some tasty gourmet style chocolates, a bottle of your favourite tipple, the list goes on! Gift giving not being his forte just feels like he doesn't know what you like or use, surely he has eyes 😅

Very miserable attitude, OP’s own Christmases didn’t sound much fun!

That does sound a bit miserable OP, I'm sorry.

I think you should bring it up to your children. If my mum told me she wanted a stocking for the reason you've given, I'd find so much joy in making her one

I wish we could all choose a stocking gift for you, wrap it and send it in time for Xmas eve so you can hang out your stocking knowing Mumsnet will fill it up! Seriously though, if you’re happy to share it with a friendly stranger, dm me your address and your interests/hobbies/likes/loves etc and I’ll happily fill up a stocking for you. It would be a pleasure.

OP, your posts have really touched me and whilst I can’t do you a stocking I have just ordered stockings and stocking gifts for my mum and my dad, both of whom would never have had them as children.

(I’ve never had one either and never made them until we had kids and my DH insisted)

I've never had one either.....wondering if your parents were war babies & that influenced their thinking? Mine were, & it did!

I make stockings for my parents and I have done since my late teens. You have nothing to feel awkward about and should be able to enjoy a little fun opening useful and thoughtful bits. Your children might quite enjoy making one up for you - definitely bring it up with them (and maybe your dh could have one too with a Mr Grumpy mug inside ).

I got a stocking until I was in my 30s and I haven't really appreciated it, if that helps.
I should point out that as an adult it was little presents in a plastic bag rather than in the plastic stocking left on the edge of the bed.

When I read the title I thought it was going to be unreasonable . I never had a stocking either but my parents always did Santa and made things special. This is sad. At least now you can create the magic with your own kids.

OP, I’m really sad for you. You’re not being unreasonable.