DSis is skimping on Christmas because she’s obsessed with her Skye trip?

[LydiaRidesAgain]

DSis has announced on the family chat that she’s doing a smaller Christmas this year so she and BIL can save for their big Isle of Skye holiday next summer.
Fine in theory, except last year she happily accepted the tasteful and expensive pile of gifts I bought for them both, and now I am apparently only getting a little token.

DM has already chimed in with something about memories meaning more than materialistic things which pissed me off.

AIBU to think she can save for her holiday without cheaping out on me and the rest of the family?????

Buy her an umbrella, she’ll need it on Skye

Nah, usually too windy for umbrellas up here.

but have you actually bought all her Christmas presents for this year already? Sounds as if you haven't, otherwise surely you'd have said 'but I've already bought them lots' rather than banging on about what you got them last year, which is completely irrelevant.

If you haven't got anything yet, then just agree. Spend the extra money on treating yourself, and get something you'll definitely like rather than only maybe. Win-win.

If you have already bought her presents, then fair enough to be a bit annoyed, and send her a mildly narky message about wishing she'd told you this earlier, but then just return them/keep for yourself or give to someone else/spread them out so you give 1 thing for christmas, something else for her next birthday, etc.

You can't insist people spend money on you if they don't want to.

I have my DD presents got but i havent even thought about sis in laws or mil. So if they told me no gifts no problem. If you have an online order cancel. Unless you got gifts in september most if not all shops have 28 day return.

I think so too op.

What she might have wanted to say was that she can't afford to match what you did last year, and felt bad at the time, so it's a diplomatic way of asking you not to do the same again - using her trip as a cover for raising it.

Just scale right back, and buy yourself what you'd have loved her to have got you with the difference.

Second thread today where an OP expresses shock that other members of their family aren't prioritising their present over a holiday. WTF is in the water?!

OP your sister is not “obsessed” with her Skye holiday, she is simply prioritising that over the Christmas present exchange. Why does that matter? You clearly have more than enough means to buy what you want for yourself.

Gifts are not tit for tat and what on earth does what you gave LAST year have to do with this year?

Entitlement is an ugly trait.

Honestly you should be thanking her - pair of tick removal tweezers and hiking socks for all her family and you've ticked (geddit!) them off your Xmas list

Is your gift giving transactional? Do you give in the expectation that you will receive material goods of equal value?

What 'set precedent'?

You mentioned what you did last year but NOTHING about her.

You don't need any notice of whats shes doing, its not your god given right to have a gift, she doesn't even need to tell you if she chooses to give you fuck all.

You can buy what you like for others but thats on you its not to 'gain the same worth back'. If you already have bought gifts then you can still give it (what a decent non materialistic person would do) or return it or keep it for another time.

Maybe she was so aghast at the amount of money OP spent on her last year that she's taking this opportunity to rein it in?

It’s not that deep.
Just thank her and agree that you think it’s a good idea to scale back on presents and that you will be doing the same yourself.

Bet shes not bought th4 gifts, or she’d have said in the op, even if she pretends she has, she just wants expensive gifts.

So many horrible grabby people at Christmas. You know it’s the season of giving right?

Obviously YABU

@LydiaRidesAgain what have you bought her already? Will it keep for another occasion? Another recipient?

Fine in theory, except last year she happily accepted the tasteful and expensive pile of gifts I bought for them both, and now I am apparently only getting a little token

What did she get you last year?
Maybe you went over the top and she can't afford to keep up with you, holiday or no holiday. Also one person's tasteful and expensive pile is another person's load of unwanted tat they have to subtly dispose of after Christmas.

Maybe this is her way of reining in your over-enthusiastic gift giving.

You can return any items you have already bought, use them yourself (they'll be tasteful and expensive presumably) or sell them online. Then you can buy a token gift instead.
Or you could suggest no presents for adults or a secret santa.

Our family stopped this years ago. I buy myself one or two really nice things for Christmas each year. So you don't have to miss out completely on getting something nice for Christmas - buy it for yourself.

What is it about Christmas that makes people so grabby? Honestly OP grow up.

Bloody hell, listen to yourself, “renegotiate the terms”?
Behave.

If she wants to renegotiate the terms of the Christmas gifts, that’s fine,

Ah but unless it's it writing and signed by all parties and a witness, then it means fuck all. Maybe next time get one written up and signed in her own blood, that'll teach her.

'Renegotiate terms' 😂
This isn't a professional sports event!

Have you already bought her lots of thinks or do you just think of relationships in a purely transactional way?

😂
Sorry OP but it is pretty funny.

Jesus christ. Two years ago just before Christmas we buried our beautiful twin babies who died the week they were born. If this is your biggest problem to be getting odd with your sister over, think yourself lucky. There's so many families facing real problems today and at christmas . This is riddiculous. I wonder are you trying to be funny, but its really not

Eh?

Skye is glorious- good for her!

Omg are you serious??

One month? Have you bought her personalised unreturnable gifts? Why would you do that so early? It’s only November.

If you did buy her an expensive personalised gift with engraving just give it on her birthday.

One month is a lot of notice. I don’t have one gift bought and won’t be buying any until December.