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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was really cheeky of my friend!

392 replies

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 15:02

So my friend has just told me that she’s “only gonna spend a cutla quid” (her words, not mine ) on my DS this Christmas because she’s “saving for Center Parcs next year.”

Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but a cutla quid?? I actually thought she was joking at first. My DS is 7, not some random kid from school you pick up a selection box for. I always spend properly on her DD with last year it was a LEGO set, a book, and one of those slime-making kits that exploded glitter everywhere. Easily £25+.

So I said, “Oh right, just a couple of quid?” and she said, dead serious, “Yeah hun, can’t go mad this year, Center Parcs isn’t cheap.”

Sorry but since when did her holiday mean my son gets shortchanged?! It’s not my fault she wants to go be in a beige lodge with a swimming pool.

She’s now acting like I’m the unreasonable one for being “materialistic.” But surely it’s just basic decency to reciprocate roughly what someone else spends?

Would I be unreasonable to get her DD something from the pound shop this year and see how she likes it?

OP posts:
AtomicSugababe · 10/11/2025 16:10

also your son isn’t being shortchanged - also just spend a “cutla quid” on her son and use the rest you would’ve spend on the other lad on your son.

NestaArcheron · 10/11/2025 16:10

lol my upcoming holiday is also more important than how much I spend on gifts - which you should never expect by the way - get a grip

Fiftyandme · 10/11/2025 16:11

You sound ridiculous.

This is a simple fix - reciprocity.

noidea69 · 10/11/2025 16:11

Once it was finally agreed in friendship group that we all didnt need to buy each others kids xmas presents, i say 50% of xmas headache went away.

PorridgeAndSyrup · 10/11/2025 16:12

YABVVVU. She’s telling you in advance so you don’t have to “spend properly” on her kids either. She’s doing you a favour.

MooFroo · 10/11/2025 16:12

Do the same - both agree to get advent calendars for the kids or both agree not to give kids pressure from this year - simples and no drama needed!

PhuckTrump · 10/11/2025 16:13

Is this a windup?

A reverse?

A journalist who CBA to do any work today?

Lavender14 · 10/11/2025 16:14

Pipersouth · 10/11/2025 15:05

She’s asking you /telling you that presents have to be much smaller this year. You get hers smaller and she gets yours smaller - respect the fact that she’s been upfront with you. People are struggling (whatever they are keeping the pounds close for)

This^ she's giving you a heads up so you can adjust your present buying as well so both kids are getting the same. Nothing unreasonable about her at all.

People have different disposable incomes. Would you seriously expect another child to go without a years holiday so yours can get a better Xmas present from their parent? Kids get so much at Xmas yours is highly unlikely to notice a difference. Your attitude is highly materialistic. I can't imagine being in any way irritated by a friend for being honest with me that they're tightening the belt to try and save. Your posts also have a slightly mocking tone with how you've written her quotes and it's not pleasant.

Nothankyov · 10/11/2025 16:14

Personally I think it’s only cheeky if she still expects you to spend the same that you have in the past. If not then it’s fine.

Original poster
BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

OP posts:
pinkspeakers · 10/11/2025 16:15

Well she's letting you know, so that you can adjust your budget accordingly if you want to. Or suggest not exchanging gifts at all, which would be much easier. I very rarely gave gifts to friends' children or received them.

It would be unreasonable of her not to tell you so that you still spent the same amount and were taken by surprise. But she did tell you so there is no problem. She's not under any obligation to spend money on your child.

StrawberryJangle · 10/11/2025 16:16

YABU.

Just agree not to buy.

Your £25 gift sounds like one of those annoying tiny lego gifts for £20 and topped up with tat.

Your friend is saving to take her son on holiday.

You could have said - amazing, no problem, save up and have a great holiday. Let's not do presents this year.

Instead you're whining like one of the kids who probably wouldn't miss your gift swap.

Createausername1970 · 10/11/2025 16:16

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

Well this is totally different to your OP!

XenoBitch · 10/11/2025 16:17

Welcome to today's edition of 'That Didn't Happen...'

JustHavinABreak · 10/11/2025 16:17

I'm struggling to see why this friendship matters to you so much. You don't appear to even like her very much. Why force the relationship?

StrawberryJangle · 10/11/2025 16:17

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

So don't be friends then.

You do have choices here.

Endofyear · 10/11/2025 16:17

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

So why are you friends with her then?

redjeans28 · 10/11/2025 16:18

I always spend properly on her DD with last year it was a LEGO set, a book and one of those slime-making kits that exploded glitter everywhere

You went too far with the glitter 'story'.

Original poster
BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:19

XenoBitch · 10/11/2025 16:17

Welcome to today's edition of 'That Didn't Happen...'

And how do you know it didn’t happen?

OP posts:
MoominMai · 10/11/2025 16:19

@BreezyFish if it were me I’d say that it’s only fair that both of you spend an equivalent amount on the kids so eg suggest if £10 is okay and then you spend that also. I imagine it’s not a big deal anyway as your son has you for his gifts and the excess you’re not spending on your friends child you can spend more on your own DS.

Nevernonono · 10/11/2025 16:22

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

You Clearly don’t like her, cool the friendship!

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 10/11/2025 16:22

Take it as a cue to tell her that you'll reciprocate in kind. Dress it up in saving the planet or that you think it was such a good idea of hers you will be saving for your own holiday.

I think it's best to set up an agreement with her to just not do any gifts. It sounds as if it would only be fraught. And start forgetting your wallet when you go out with her.

didgeridid · 10/11/2025 16:23
  1. Cutla can not be a real term.... It's "couple of" (cuppla depending on pronunciation)right?
  2. Surely no one is actually as self entitled as you? Nobody buys gifts to receive gifts and there's no such thing as a set amount
YarraValley · 10/11/2025 16:24

You obviously don’t like her so I don’t see why it’s an issue. She’s told you on November 10th, plenty of time before Christmas.

LeaderBee · 10/11/2025 16:25

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

Funny how it's "been building" halfway through a thread you have almost unanimously been told that YABU.