To think this was really cheeky of my friend!

[BreezyFish]

So my friend has just told me that she’s “only gonna spend a cutla quid” (her words, not mine ) on my DS this Christmas because she’s “saving for Center Parcs next year.”

Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but a cutla quid?? I actually thought she was joking at first. My DS is 7, not some random kid from school you pick up a selection box for. I always spend properly on her DD with last year it was a LEGO set, a book, and one of those slime-making kits that exploded glitter everywhere. Easily £25+.

So I said, “Oh right, just a couple of quid?” and she said, dead serious, “Yeah hun, can’t go mad this year, Center Parcs isn’t cheap.”

Sorry but since when did her holiday mean my son gets shortchanged?! It’s not my fault she wants to go be in a beige lodge with a swimming pool.

She’s now acting like I’m the unreasonable one for being “materialistic.” But surely it’s just basic decency to reciprocate roughly what someone else spends?

Would I be unreasonable to get her DD something from the pound shop this year and see how she likes it?

You sound overly invested and angry.

I don't give explanations to people who call me a troll for no discernible reason. Move on.

This has got to be a fake post or troll

You sound bizarre, you’ve no explanation, like OP!

Never called you a troll either…..

You’ve made a cutla mad comments!

For my kids - Books, toys, games, art supplies, activity books, sweets , chocolate, note books and pencil cases, Pokémon cards and magazines.

but it’s not about what you can buy - it’s about being grateful for the voucher. If you were that worried he wouldn’t find anything, you could use the voucher to buy stuff you need (stamps, stationary, Christmas cards, stuff for Christmas presents….) and give him the money. We’ve done that before with various vouchers.

I’ve seen the update and think you’ve done the right thing. No gifts.

I really do believe the DO realise... but can't get past the sheer irritation of it being reproduced as "cutla".. and I'm with them

OP is clearly on a wind up (she knows “cutla” is driving everyone crazy, for one, and deliberately uses it), get a life OP

If you say "no worries" to her lack of response, you will be nonsensically answering yourself. Which is fine of course, as it fits the tone of the entire bollocky thread, but you should at least add "hun" ..

Well done OP.. I've never ever seen so many MNers get SO wound up and genuinely irritated - me included- over what it almost certainly a made-up fake post intended for exactly that purpose. So kudos to you respect

No doubt she spends that cutla quid on a pack lunch for her kids, and wears her hair in a slick back bun for the school drop off.

Cutla 🤣

I’ve learned something today. Sounds like some sort of gen Z nightmare of a word.

YABU. I do not buy for friends kids unless it’s their birthday.
If I had to get them a Christmas present, it would be a selection box.

Cutla 🤣

I mean, if she actually can't afford it because she wants to take her kids away, that's fair enough I suppose. Just spend a cutla quid on her kid too

There are plenty of chocolate gifts from pound shops. Children love a selection pack.

So she’s replied… and she said “you know what I’m glad you said it first because I didn’t know how to tell you!” Sorted!

Result! And let this be a lesson to us all—perhaps we should think about “releasing” the obligation of the ever-expanding list of people we feel obligated to gift swap with.

I mean it should have been obvious when she handed your kid a fiver (probably re-gifted) gift card, that she wasn't into your "tradition".

Honestly after reading all of your posts, it sounds like you both hate each other. I'd let this friendship fade out. I bet she wouldn't chase you. Or do you like the drama?

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing. The trouble is, these situations can sneak up on you. Someone thinks it’s a nice gesture to buy a gift for someone else, and before you know it you’re locked into this yearly or more obligation. It then gets awkward if you drift apart or one of you finds themselves significantly financially worse off than the other.

Perhaps giving gifts might be your way of showing that you care. People talk about having a love language, maybe it’s a friendship language. But it can come with the pressure of expectation. If you think the friendship will survive this little blip, maybe invite your friend to meet up with the kids before Christmas, just for fun, no need to swap gifts.

No. A “coupla quid” means £2. No idea what “cutla” means.

I suspect she’s saying “I can’t afford to spend a lot this year so I’m giving you a heads up not to buy mine an expensive gift”. I think that’s perfectly reasonable. I’d be bankrupt if I spent £25+ on every one of my friends’ children.

She likes the drama…

Can I just say I’m a bit disappointed that a lot of people have been fixating on “cutla” when there was a more pressing issue at hand

Whose tradition exactly, since you complain that this person routinely ‘under-gifts’ where your family is concerned?
Haven’t you perhaps been imposing an unwelcome obligation on her?

We’ve been doing the kids’ presents thing since they were both in nappies — I didn’t just start lobbing wrapped LEGO sets at her.

its annoying because she’s had seven years to say, “Hey hun, can we skip gifts?” Not sit there every December pretending everything’s fine while secretly resenting me for getting her DD something nicer than a £5 WHSmith voucher.

But now I’m starting to think maybe this is exactly what she’s wanted, to make me look like I’m some kind of controlling Christmas tyrant forcing her into gift-based servitude. 🙄

And the worst part? The “unwelcome obligation” theory would explain so much. Like why she always looked awkward when I gave her the presents. Why she’d text later saying “you didn’t have to do that!” (which I took as politeness, not… genuine distress).

Glad it’s sorted. Tbh I’m all for the cutting down on needless Christmas spending.

And I do think having a holiday is much better than exchanging presents with multiple friends - so the kids all get piles of plastic gifts and the parents are all out of pocket.

”Cutla” has clearly given everyone a good laugh - or driven various people insane - so it’s been worth it for how truly awful (but funny) this expression is.

So you are saying this imbalance has persisted for 7 years, yet you remain impervious to her requests that you not embarrass her by giving far more lavish gifts than she does?
(She doesn’t come right out and mention embarrassment, but even a slab of concrete would be able to infer it from what she says)

Come on, break this chain now, and cheerfully let her know there’s a fiver limit from now on!

Why on earth are you buying Christmas presents for your friend’s children and expecting your friends to buy presents for your children? Sorry, you do sound materialistic op.

You need to think about this from your friend’s pov.

She has clearly been waiting for you to say no gifts for years.

You’ve embarrassed her by over gifting when her budget is clearly a fiver. I understand how there could be a mismatch on year 1 but you should have bought much less from year 2 onwards. She’s not cheeky sticking to her budget and using her money on her family. You might feel like it’s tradition for you to play Lady Bountiful but her child would be grateful for a less expensive gift too.

We’ve been doing the kids’ presents thing since they were both in nappies — I didn’t just start lobbing wrapped LEGO sets at her.

😂😂😂