To think this was really cheeky of my friend!

[BreezyFish]

So my friend has just told me that she’s “only gonna spend a cutla quid” (her words, not mine ) on my DS this Christmas because she’s “saving for Center Parcs next year.”

Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but a cutla quid?? I actually thought she was joking at first. My DS is 7, not some random kid from school you pick up a selection box for. I always spend properly on her DD with last year it was a LEGO set, a book, and one of those slime-making kits that exploded glitter everywhere. Easily £25+.

So I said, “Oh right, just a couple of quid?” and she said, dead serious, “Yeah hun, can’t go mad this year, Center Parcs isn’t cheap.”

Sorry but since when did her holiday mean my son gets shortchanged?! It’s not my fault she wants to go be in a beige lodge with a swimming pool.

She’s now acting like I’m the unreasonable one for being “materialistic.” But surely it’s just basic decency to reciprocate roughly what someone else spends?

Would I be unreasonable to get her DD something from the pound shop this year and see how she likes it?

It's a tradition that brings you no enjoyment, so just give it up. Btw, it sounds like you're not really friends, so perhaps let that slide too?

Oh fgs, why are you so entitled? No one owes your kid expensive presents. She has been more than fair - she’s explained her budget, given enough notice and not made a big deal. What more could you possibly want?!

Just when I thought I’d said everything… I suddenly remembered another moment that probably says a lot about the kind of nonsense I’ve had to deal with from her circle.

this was about two years ago. I’d got her DC a little Easter gift. Nothing major, just a cute basket with some bits in, including a chocolate bunny from Aldi. Looked lovely, tasted fine!

Anyway, fast-forward a week and one of her friends (who I barely know) apparently kicked off in their group chat because I “could have at least got proper chocolate.” Proper meaning… Lindt. 😑

Sorry, but I’m not exactly handing out chocolate coins from a petrol station forecourt, am I?! It was Easter, not a Michelin tasting menu.

So between that, the WHSmith voucher, and the “cutla quid” comment, you can maybe see why I’m a teensy bit trigger-happy on the outrage lately 😂

Just stop buying presents for each others child for the sake of buying presents.

If its tradition - break the tradition!

Weird snobby way to write about your friend’s speech/accent.

But more to the point you are v v v v unreasonable to expect her to prioritise your child’s Xmas gift over her family holiday. She is saving for something, it’s her own money - she has told you in advance so just don’t get her child a gift worth more than a few pounds.

She is telling you so that you don’t spend a lot in
her child. She is not being unreasonable.

Still using ‘cutla’ despite many people perplexed by it…

Maybe suggest no presents this year. I bet she jump at the chance of stopping the present exchange. Yabu re demanding she spends money on your son

I think I’d have to dump her just for the “cutla”.

I love how no one is listening to my other comments so what’s the point

Honestly it’s a non issue, I don’t understand why you’re so outraged. Just reciprocate her spending 🤷‍♀️

And this is why I’ve always agreed with friends we don’t buy for each other’s kids. They get enough anyway. Makes it easier for everyone.

So stop bothering with her. Tell her that you’ve thought about what she said about not having much money this Christmas, and you’ve decided it’s best if you both stop buying each others kids gifts at all to ease the pressures on both of you from now on. Then pick a different time to tell her that you don’t feel valued in the friendship. Wait till next time she ‘forgets her purse’ to bring it up so she doesn’t think you’re just bitter over the Christmas present. Then pull back from the friendship. Job done.

It's a really oppressive, ridiculous tradition.

Kids already have loads of future landfill for Christmas, they don't need more and it's a massive stress for people who may be trying to budget.

Just find a cheaper, nicer tradition. A playdate every year, a tea-party, a pillow fight party, a cake making party, whatever.

You’re just saying “it’s tradition” but moaning that she doesn’t spoil your kids the way you spoil hers. What’s the tradition here? Give her kid a fiver in a cheap card and be done. She’s told you she can’t do bigger presents. It’s not even fucking December. Get a grip.

Right but she said “cutla quid” so surely that means £2?

So just spend a cutla quid on hers then... 🤷‍♀️

Why does this have to be such hard work?

I already asked what the actual fuck cutla quid means because genuinely - wtf.

But really, Give her child two quid in a card then? Why do you feel owed?? She isn’t an aunt to these kids, she’s a friend and has her own kids to but for. You need a reality check

@BreezyFish it's because you've drip fed.

In regard to what your OP is about then based on all the extra information you've given I would just suggest to your friend that you don't do Christmas presents anymore. Either she's a CF and has been taking advantage of your genorosity or she's embarrassed that you spent £25 last year and she only spent £5, so she's telling you now what the budget is. Either way, it seems this tradition has run it's course.

Is cutla a thing?? Or are you making fun of how she speaks?

it sounds like she has less of a budget than you or has different expectations?

how long have you known her (sorry if this has already been said)?

I think she’s given you a heads up so that you can match it. Maybe just some chocolate or something. But it also sounds like the gifts should just stop as nobody seems to be enjoying this!!

do you even like them? You are also taking a swipe at her holiday choice?

Why are you friends with her if she and her friends are bitching about you in their WhatsApp group chat.

I think this friendship means more to you than here (see also: lifts and favours)

at least she told you rather than just take the gift and not get yours anything.

but like EVERYONE has said -kids don’t need thoughtful/expensive l gifts from parents friends. A box of heroes or selection box is fine.

We are listening. It's you who is unwilling to take on board the majority of the comments. Your friends DD is a child, it is not compulsory to buy anybody a gift and your friend has other priorities. Its not a big deal. It does not matter if you think its "traditional". Your friend doesn't want to do gifts! My goodness.

We’ve no idea as nobody seems to know what cutla means. Is it slang?

So what?

Just spend whatever you want.

You are so irritating OP 🤣