Older women of Mumsnet: when did workplace ageism start for you?

[Arbel]

Genuinely curious. I suspect it might be earlier than I’d previously assumed (I’m nearly 40).

I think it varies massively by sector. In marketing/advertising I would say around 50-55 tops, but the whole industry had transformed over my 30-year career. In health/social care/charity management it didn't as long as I stayed mentally sharp. Retired at 65.

I might be seeing a bit of ageism at my place of work. All of my managers have been a few years younger than me. My current one is 6 years younger than me and has been my manager for the last 4 years, ironically to replace a manager that got fed up with the boss and left.

The company is a bit like a revolving door with a few experienced older people who don't take crap from anyone. Another one (long line of resignations over the last few years) handed their notice in today.

I haven't been treated spectacularly well, but then not that badly either. It's mostly just really, really stupid things like expecting me to be at the office (I WFH) on the same day as a pretty minor surgery with a long recovery time owing to GA.

"Why can't you come in?"
"With respect, this is my first ever serious-ish surgery and I've never had GA before. I'm scared and I don't think I'm going to be able to focus enough to put my all in."
"Okay, so why aren't you going to be in?"

Or a more serious one:

I was about to have my penultimate embryo put back in and I had warned my manager a handful of times at the start of the year that none of these appointments can be re-arranged, lest the cycle is effectively cancelled and incurs a big fee.

"I can't afford to have you off tomorrow. Can you move it to the end of the week? Where is it taking place? Can you not just take half the day?"

It's not that the company couldn't afford me to be off for one day, my line manager's anxiety was what mattered.

"I warned you about this ages ago. It's taking place in <insert place name> and it's going to take the morning to get there and prepare for the actual thing itself. If you want to be responsible for cancelling a cycle that's going exceptionally well and consent to paying the cancellation free, as well as putting my chances of becoming a mother on the backburner yet again because the company doesn't hire enough people, be my guest."

Half an hour went by and I got a sheepish apology and the day approved. I would have taken the day off sick anyway if not.

I went, I got pregnant (sadly was a missed miscarriage) and nothing at work blew up.

I'm used to not being listened to most of the time, but when the ignorance might cost the workplace a bit of money as well as the possibly of potentially answering to any legalities that might ensue, they buck up their ideas.

I’m 67, still working, and have honestly never experienced ageism, or any other form of discrimination, since I started work at 16, at work or in my personal life.

I'm mid fifties disabled female in a male dominated techy area, and I haven't really noticed anything specificly age related (so far), however I have always experienced a little bit of unintentional sexism and ableism and maybe I wouldn't notice the difference.

I still get taken seriously and seem respected by most colleagues for my broad experience. I do stay up to date in my field, and volunteer for training and challenging new projects. I've been offered promotions, but turn it down as it would probably exacerbate my health conditions. I'm already given rather too much responsibility because I'm seen as capable, so I regularly delegate tasks to others and say no to my boss. Maybe that helps people notice me!

Managing my disabilities has taught me to be proactive, and not to be a pushover, and I think that helps. I have to say no and mean it. I have to say "that's not going to work for me, how about we do this instead?".

A lot of women tend towards people pleasing, and think by saying yes and being nice and doing whatever others want that people will value them more. Sadly it just seems to make people take them for granted, and maybe this contributes to the feeling of "invisibility" some women feel as they get older.

I do think the public and private sectors are different. There is more respect for age and experience in the public sector IME.

53 and it hasn't happened yet.

I’m 52 and moved job a few months ago

56. Made very clear to me that I was unwelcome as I was the last person they hadn't either made redundant or hounded out of a team now consisting of 20 somethings. I did get a settlement when I threatened to go to tribunal over age discrimination but it destroyed my confidence.

"With respect, this is my first ever serious-ish surgery and I've never had GA before. I'm scared and I don't think I'm going to be able to focus enough to put my all in."

"I warned you about this ages ago. It's taking place in <insert place name> and it's going to take the morning to get there and prepare for the actual thing itself. If you want to be responsible for cancelling a cycle that's going exceptionally well and consent to paying the cancellation free, as well as putting my chances of becoming a mother on the backburner yet again because the company doesn't hire enough people, be my guest."

See I would never say all this, it's personal stuff and not their business. I would just say "I'm having an essential medical procedure, I won't be fit for work for a few days afterwards, here's my doctor's note"

I'm 60 and haven't experienced ageism yet. Have experienced sexism though.

I really can't think of any occasion career-wise where I've experienced ageism. I'm sure it can and does exist, but I personally haven't ever felt excluded, overlooked or discriminated against because of my age.

I went for a job a few years ago (in my mid 40s) in my smart M&S dress and longline cardi and I was met by a blue haired young woman in jeans and a nose ring and I felt ancient. Naturally I didn’t get the job

Just because you felt ancient, that doesn't mean age was a factor in you not getting the job.

And what you're describing isn't really an age thing anyway. I'm older than you were then (I'm almost 50) and style-wise I'd have a lot more in common with your blue-haired, pierced, jeans-wearing interviewer than I would with you!

Conversely there are many, many women who are much younger than me but and dress like you do. The youngest member of my team is 25 and dresses pretty conservatively and sensibly. But our director's PA is in her mid-late 50s and is a full-on goth. My boss, who is a few years older than me, always wears jeans, a t-shirt and Doc Martens to work.

Exactly this. I noticed once I was in my 50s that I became invisible. Male colleagues especially would walk in to the room and it was as if I didn’t exist. Younger colleagues would either treat me as a great sage (which feels odd to me) or as if i wasn’t worth bothering with. There were of course some exceptions and they were happy to make an effort and it didn’t feel like one.

This makes me quite sad. There always someone who will fuck you, if that's what you want...though they may be older and more wrinkly than you are 😁

My colleagues never had a hope in hell with me and know it, so no change there 😂

Hello!
I'd actually thought we'd be pretty immune from it in our line of work, but I'm feeling it more and more.

Social care....in management.

I think it probably doesn't hit you until you start to look for a new job.
About 10 years ago I remember talking to an agency worker who used to work in my team who told me she had no trouble finding work until she was in her early fifties and then suddenly the opportunities would dry up, she felt she was being passed over for younger people as her face no longer fitted with the image of the company. After she left our company she couldn't find any other work.
I'm now 54 about the age she is as when she said employment opportunities dry up.
In fact my local authority pays slightly more redundancy after you are 50 as they recognise you are likely to have more difficulty finding a new job.
It's all a bit depressing when retirement age is 67 and rising!
But as I say I don't think you really know how age is impacting your employability until you try for promotion or a new job or are made redundant.

45
I am in a non-customer facing role where it doesn’t matter in the slightest what I look like
However, perception is everything
Lots of online videos being made
And looking a certain way and relatable is extremely important apparently

It happened when the younger staff were looking for promotion, and I was in the way.

I taught in a niche area, with not many schools around that catered for our cohort of pupils. So once the younger teachers got to their 30s and were looking for promotion, it pretty much had to be internally, if they weren't to move area. I was sitting on a head of phase role, and they wanted it.

Suddenly instead of them looking to me for mentoring, they started putting me down, and starting very unsubtle conversations about early retirement.

I work in higher education as an academic - we are currently in the process of slashing posts and making unprecedented redundancies. There’s a definite sense from our consultation events that those of us a few years off retirement should just shuffle off now and create room for early to mid career academics to stay.

Not all of us have massive pension payouts waiting and are mortgage free - even if we did want to be put out to pasture

I'm 56 and workplace ageism only ever affected me from the age of 16 to around my early 20s.

Young people were the teamaking dogs bodies, the fetchers and carriers, the messengers and the least listened to about anything.

I worked in retail so I'm not sure if it was that, or just the way things were back then.

Anyway, luckily it hasn't affected me at all since I changed career in my mid twenties and went to work for the public sector.

Never 64.
I returned to work agwd 43 when the youngest was settled in reception. Part-time, new career pathway and sector. I started back at the bottom. They created a more senior role for me and sponsored professional quals. I left 9 years later, aged 52, six grades higher for a promoted role. I'm now Director of my service, since 2021.

I regularly get calls from headhunters and recently turned down an offer from a senior colleague.

The only time I have experienced age discrimination was in an NHS ED. Aged 60 an F2 said "I'll assume you are retired as you are over 60" and proceeded to speak to me as if I were decrepit.

Early 50s here and haven’t experienced it but I haven’t tried to find a new job in some years, I think I may have issues due to age if I needed to!

My father faced ageism in his 50s after he was made redundant and found it extremely difficult to get a new job at the same level of seniority. (Not in the UK). So I don’t think this is new. This has always played on my mind and made me very anxious!

Not sure it has. I am almost 63. I got a whole new job at almost 59.

64 here. Never, they actively promote older people and have asked me to consider staying on after retirement age. Im an NHS podiatrist. Nursing not so much, I remember older nurses being nudged out when I was a nurse.

Same here.