Step daughter wanting help to gut her house and in not happy to help

[Lola234456]

I'm unwell and have a demanding physical job three long days a week, step daughter shall we say is very not houseproud barely does housework and I'm fairly disgusted with how she lives in her rented property, her dad often comments, both herself and her partner have good well paid jobs but they would simply rather goout or play computer games, she has a check by property mananger Thurs I have a long shift at work weds but am after after working two long days Mon and Tues in which I intend to spend one day cleaning and one day food shopping and relaxing, am I wrong to say no I won't spend my day off going and gutting her out I really wouldn't know when or where to start!!!

Thank you for thinking of me for this wonderful opportunity. I'm so sorry I can't help on this occasion.

Honestly this is one instance where it’s great being a stepparent. I do help my graduate school aged son clean but his stepfather doesn’t. If DH dc need help it’s up to him not me. We both work have physical jobs and are in very good health but manage our children seperately and you can too. DH wants to help his dc…wonderful. You however do not and no one should say one single thing about it.

Good lord OP. YABU to even consider helping them! Step daughter, biological daughter, niece, cousin, whatever relation she is she can bloody do it herself with her partner!

Why on earth did you buy them cleaning products? Are they idiots? is your husband incapable of shopping? I assume if they are holding down well paid jobs they have the intelligence between them to go to shop and buy cleaning products, read the instructions and clean!

Unbelievable. I wonder if they are friends with the woman who wanted £50 for her daughter not being able to go to a show?! CF's.

Does the fact that his DD and her BF live in filth and are shameless about it not bother your DH? His response is to go and clean for them?

I can’t believe you bought cleaning products. Stop feeling guilty, stop worrying about what Miss Salmonella thinks of your decision, just big grey rock the whole thing.

If you want to curry favour with your DH, you could offer to help find (or fund) a cleaner. There are people that do last minute, end of tenancy type cleans.

I'd rather throw money at something than help. But I'd rather do nothing at all!

This.

they must have known about this inspection last week

Irrelevant of time the scale they have been given for an up coming inspection, when they took the property on they'd have been informed about property inspections being part of their tenancy so should have kept the place clean and tidy on a daily, if not weekly basis, they haven't done so and now get to find out exactly why they should of done.

She knew about it last night (or maybe even earlier). Sounds like she's got a partner, so unless they're both working 12 hour shifts Mon, Tues, Wed, they both have time to clean/tidy - obviously if it's going to take longer than that, then they've got themselves to blame (and I think partners problem).

Enjoy your well earned rest by the way!

I would help personally. I've helped a friend in a similar situation. I think some people can get in a rut where it gets so messy they don't know where to start or have the motivation to.
It's not ideal, but family are there as support and unless you dislike her I would help out. I would with a friend so especially with family!

Let her get mardy. Maybe they'll learn their lesson,

Doubtful, she's obviously got a dad who jumps to attention! Maybe he's worried they'll get evicted and what the implications of that would be though.

As always, you have a DH problem, not a SC problem, it's not your issue to solve and he shouldn't be pissed off with you for refusing to get involved.

Even if you agreed to help (don't!), you can bet you'd be doing most of the hard work. She can pay for a cleaner.

Who cares if she gets annoyed? She's an adult. This is crazy. Does she come over and clean your house?

I don't see why anyone should feel obliged to clean for their adult child (regardless of whether that's a step-child), except maybe in unusual circumstances, say if they're ill. I occasionally help out older family who are unable to do certain things for themselves, but that's different.
Not sure if this pair are planning on having kids, but what would they expect from you then, if you're supposed to be a free maid so they can party?

Let them get mardy and your husband. So what.

If anyone has the audacity to comment, then simply mildly point out that it is not your job to clean the home of two able bodied adults who were too lazy to keep on top of it themselves. You have quite enough to do in your own home with a retired man who doesn't lift a finger [by the sound of it], a job and your own ill health to contend with. They can do it themselves or pay someone but either way, you are not stepping in. Time they learned to "adult" all by themselves.

I agree with this, if there are some additional needs in play I might offer “scaffolding” support. Wouldn’t actually do the cleaning though.

Good for you for standing your ground. Don't feel guilty.

Your work and health are not relevant considerations. They are both functional adults who prioritise socialising and gaming over housework, there is no reason for you to step in and save them from the consequences of the choices they've made. If they have better things to do than clean then they need to employ someone to do it rather than relying on free labour from family.

Unless there's a huge dripfeed that there's some reason why it would actually be really hard for SD and P to tidy the house themselves, or there's something like you owe them a massive favour that they want to call in now...
I can't see where you might be in the wrong here. If her dad wants to go and help out, then he can. But there's no reason why you should.

Not your problem op. They are adults. They can clean there own house!

If they both work and have money, they can surely pay someone to go around and clean it. Not your problem.

Well I might go against the grain a bit, have they /are they helpful to you?
Do they struggle with executive function?
Although as they both have jobs unlikely.
If I liked them enough and they'd been kind to me in the past I might go out of my way, otherwise no, she can be a mardy arse and pay a cleaner out of their wages.

Why should anyone have to clean someone else's house especially if they have decided to live like pigs? I actually think DH is doing them a disservice and shouldn't be mollycoddling them and should tell her/him to pull their fingers out. What kind of life lesson is that? Their lifestyle is grim and I am sure the landlord would be thrilled that a tenant is not only neglecting the property but is probably attracting vermin too. Not sure why you are buying their cleaning products either. If someone got 'mardy' because I refused to clean up someone else's mess I would give them short shrift - your illness is neither here nor there OP

Why did you go and buy the products? And what is 'mardy'?

Moody/grumpy/sulky

Hear it often in NE where family is from

If you would do it for your biological daughter, then do it for your step daughter. If you wouldn’t do it for your biological daughter, then don’t do it for your step daughter.

I wouldn't help clean or go and buy anything. They are adults with jobs, they can either get a cleaner or they can lose an evening and clean it themselves, a conclusion they will come to themselves if no one helps them.