Husband and Instagram row

[NotaMumYet9323]

Last night my DH was swiping though Instagram and up came a girl posing in her gym clothes to show off her bum. I asked who's that, he said just an an advert, I said doesn't look like an advert...then it was 'oh she's a wrestler' I looked her up and majority of her posts are in swimwear/undies and hardly any wrestling content

AIBU in thinking he tried to lie and cover up with 'just an ad'

We've had some issues before regarding insta models etc, a lot of his friends have been caught out ogling and liking posts.

Do men ever grow up?

Ok badly worded. Not monitoring. If my husband expressed an opinion about what i was looking at I would see it as controlling

How far do you take that, though?

Would you stop using MN? Stop speaking to certain friends or family members? Stop visiting certain websites?

Exactly what happens when he doesn't like your friend Anne? Do you stop going out with her? Or when he doesn't like your new dress?

Then that says a lot about you.

It baffles me how people think asking someone to stop using a forum is the same as asking someone to stop liking half naked photos of women. Come on.

The point is more, where do you draw the line?

I mean, if DH told me I wasn't allowed to follow a famous footballer on Instagram because he posted some topless photos, I'd tell him he was being absolutely ridiculous.

Ultimately if a screen is impacting my relationship then absolutely I'm giving those things up willingly. The other examples are nowhere near the same thing and aren't really relevant because op isn't actually asking anything of her partner currently. He still has full agency to say no my access to women who do wrestling in very little clothes are more important to me than your feelings and our relationship.
To me that's bonkers.

Well, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was so insecure that they couldn't cope with me looking at a photo of a famous wrestler on social media without getting in a tizz about it.

Absolutely this.

there’s a double standard now where some people think it’s okay for women to look at shirtless men, or men in their gym wear showing off abs and muscles but men not being allowed to look at women in their gym wear / bikinis.

as long as he isn’t chasing women and cheating I’d say it’s fine.

have a convo with him and tell him your uncomfortable, you dislike him following other women etc etc, but do be honest, if your following gorgeous men, your just a hypocrite… and if you want him to stop, he’s got reason to tell you to stop.

i usually tell people to not look through peoples phones but i say you look through your phones together. He’s allowed to look through your stuff and say ‘this is writhing my comfort zone of what I let you to do’ and ‘this is not’ and you can do the same. Building trust is important in a relationship so if he keeps looking at sexy women when you say no, then that’s grounds for a more serious reaction.

you can't see an advert without a guy shirtless, that would mean also be banned from all screens. I believe even in Strictly you can see a bit too much for the jealous and insecure kind.

It's not a insecurity but a preference. To me that's not an attractive quality. I see it as unnecessary and a waste of time. I don't myself look at anyone else in that way but my partner. I Just couldn't be less interested in anyone else. I value being in a relationship with a person who feels the same.
Its about being well matched.

You are completely deluding yourself if you believe a normal human being like your husband is blind to every other woman and can't, very innocently, recognise that other women are attractive.

If nothing else, if he genuinely doesn't find women attractive, and has no interest in looking ever, it's more of a worry than anything else 😂

Every person on this planet regardless of gender will find ppl other than their partner attractive ,it maybe a popstar or a sportsperson etc . OP will have looked at another human at some point and appreciated the aesthetic . This is just childish .
Hes hardly liked Barbara from next doors nudes and asked her to meet him behind the bins has he .
Lighten up .

If you’d asked me a month ago, I would have said I was totally fine with my husband looking at Insta/Tik Tok models. Because I didn’t really think he did other than maybe the odd one popping up on his feed. He’s never shown any interest in porn, he’s never been the type to perve over women when we’re out and we have sex 4-5 times a week.

A month ago I was on his phone grabbing some phone numbers for relatives when a Tik Tok alert came up for some model’s post. So I decided to snoop and he follows 52 fucking models on there.

Now I have no idea who the hell I’ve been married to for the last 25 years. The sweet nerdy guy I thought I was married, seems to have a thing for models younger than our daughter.

I feel absolutely horrible about myself now. I can’t even begin to compete with those lovely young things and their unobtainable beauty. So is this really what he wants? I don’t even know anymore. I can’t even confront him about it as a close relative as literally just died in horrible circumstances. So I just sit stewing about how old and shit I feel.

What if the way you dressed confused or hurt him or the ppl you where friends with confused or hurt him ? Sorry hes not actually done anything wrong on any level has he,he's looked at a few pictures of attractive social media influencers. I follow Michele Morrone of 365 days he's a lovely bit of eye candy ,if my partner told me I wasn't allowed pretty sure most of you would be telling me he was a red flag .

Always feel like a freak on threads like this because I genuinely don’t search for photos of attractive men online, it’s just weird. What do people do, go through Instagram seeking out topless men or scantily clad women to follow?

I just don’t get it. It isn’t my thing at all so I’m with you OP and personally think it’s crass for a married person to do this, or just anyone who isn’t a horny teenager…

Ofcourse we both have eyes and acknowledge other people can be attractive. But it's our choice in how much we engage in that. How much energy we devote to that. Neither of us are interested in wasting our time looking at other people.

You’re very unusual —bizarre— if you get into a relationship and never ever admire another person again until that relationship ends 🫣

Well, quite 🙈

These threads both fascinate and terrify me in equal measure 🤣

Then we would both have choices to make if I felt like my clothes or friends were not unreasonable or causing any issue in anyway. If I couldn't understand his view point. I could decide to no longer be with him. He could make a choice not to be with me any longer because why be with someone that parts of their behaviour hurt or confuse you. Or you choose to change that behaviour.
Everyone has full agency no one is not being allowed to do anything they want to do.
It isn't a issue to you in your relationship because you yourself follow others and enjoy looking at them. But you're not in OPs relationship. She can have her own preferences that work for her.

For some of us we don't need or want eye candy we have our partner and that's all we want. I wouldn't of thought this would be such a controversial idea at all. Simply a different preference.

Actually, I don't look for these photos, but I follow a lot of people doing my sports, men and women. On their sport page, they happen to have photos with more or less sport clothes, among other things.
I look at singers, actors, the world is full of attractive men (and women), you should see my office (where they are dressed may I add, very corporately dressed 😂)

I can't imagine living with someone questioning me about my interests, banning me, or just lecturing me until I unfollow everyone who is not dressed primly from head to toe. I would find his insecurity completely unattractive and off putting. It's ickey.

It's beyond bizarre.

There are many things that make a man very attractive, obviously the physical aspect 🙌, but someone really funny can be attractive, some very bright and fascinating professionals are attractive. It's a lot more than an AI character with a 6 packs and a nice butt.

If you don't look at anyone that could be attractive aside from your partner, what kind of life do you live 😂. With that level of insecurity, I can't imagine the partner being very attractive anyway, so competition would be fierce

So much unsolicited crap comes through on SM. I wouldn't sweat it. The algorithm has likely thought, 'man, therefore fan of bums/boobs'

I agree with you OP.
In my mind, it’s the modern equivalent of a teenage boys bedroom being plastered in scantily clad laydeeez, or those Big D nuts thingies that used to be in a local pub 😂I don’t follow thirst trap accounts so I expect the same respect in return.

All I am getting from this thread is the need to go and follow Henry Cavill.

What does that make me and should I do this secretly away from my husband in case he thinks I am breaking our marriage vows???