Husband and Instagram row

[NotaMumYet9323]

Last night my DH was swiping though Instagram and up came a girl posing in her gym clothes to show off her bum. I asked who's that, he said just an an advert, I said doesn't look like an advert...then it was 'oh she's a wrestler' I looked her up and majority of her posts are in swimwear/undies and hardly any wrestling content

AIBU in thinking he tried to lie and cover up with 'just an ad'

We've had some issues before regarding insta models etc, a lot of his friends have been caught out ogling and liking posts.

Do men ever grow up?

Ah, the cry-laughing emoji – always the sign that someone has run out of intelligent things to say.

OP, follow your gut and act with respect for yourself. Wishing you the best.

Ah yes, because we all know that the emojis that someone uses on an internet forum are a surefire sign of how intelligent they are.

Does he like wrestling and which wrestler was it are the most crucial points I’ve been ranting about for half an hour.

If he’s a wrestling fan he’s done no wrong. Wrestling fans are beyond reproach as wrestling is the pinnac of human artistic achievement

I hate to burst your bubble, but I’m not following a load of male models, shirtless lumberjacks and Henry Cavill on social media out of ‘interest and respect’. I literally just like looking at them.

That doesn’t mean I don’t adore and respect my DP and it certainly doesn’t mean I fancy him any less.

No different from married women following attractive men on instagram is it. If I want to sleaze over Henry Cavill am I breaking my marriage vows to my DH?

This. It is perfectly possible to read the menu without trying the food.

Doesn’t sound like the case here if you looked at the account and it’s all her but instagram accounts regularly get hacked. I’ve seen some vulgar posts from meme accounts and science accounts where they’ve either sold out or been hacked. Following the account in those instances wouldn’t mean he’s following for that reason.

however, I’m not sure why he’d need to actually follow any page like that as there are enough that just pop up.

This 100% unless there is a back story about cheating or on line flirting?! or he made some horrible, inappropriate comment???

I follow the rock on social media, I love wrestling, like his films and he posts some lovely cute stuff with his children, he also is an attractive man. If that makes me a lech then fucking so be it!

so your poor husband is not allowed to look at another woman? That must be practical in real life 😂How does that even work?

doesnt mean to say the rest of us have to be. oh we get that, you are so paranoid and insecure you can't bear a man looking at someone else. Wow.

It would be very funny if that wasn't the first step of an abusive marriage. If you rare not on a wind-up, it's frightening.

sadly he's dressed so far, sorry Tom, no disrespect intended

But better call Saul! CBeebies must be sponsored by the Divorce Lawyers society 😂

www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/grownups/tom-hardy-returns-to-bedtime-stories

I mean liking his movies is a bit of a red flag but everything else is perfectly reasonable

When your husband sees an attractive woman on television or an advertising hoarding or walking past in the street, I guarantee you that he a) notices them and b) thinks exactly the same things about them that the OP’s husband is thinking about when he looks at a picture of a hot woman on Instagram.

I also guarantee you that you are definitely not the only person/thing your husband thinks about when he masturbates.

If you think occasionally noticing an attractive member of the opposite sex and having a little moment in your head about that indicates a lack of commitment, or a breach of marriage vows, you’re going to need to file for divorce I’m afraid.

Long story short yes some men do grow up. A vast majority do not I won't argue that at all.

My husband did do this when we first married.
I lost all attraction to him.
He then decided to stop. I don't mean told me he wasn't going to do it anymore and just hid it better. I mean he went to therapy, still does. He quit all social media would happily not have a phone. Spends some of his free time helping other men do similar. A real committed change That's obvious in everything he does.

He is disgusted with his old behaviours and sees them as pathetic and immature (his words)

So yes some do change. But you can't make him change he has to want to change himself. What you can do is set boundaries. Be open and honest. Revaluate the relationship.

For some this won't be a issue at all. We are all different. I personally could never go back to a relationship with this in it. It's been night and day the change. It's changed every aspect of our lives.

doubt the poor husband is even allowed to do anything that remotely come close to masturbation

If it’s on Instagram, we do know that it isn’t ’sexually explicit’. Instagram doesn’t allow sexually explicit content.

The fact that the OP’s husband found the picture attractive doesn’t make it ‘sexually explicit’.

Just like finding another person attractive to look at isn’t contrary to marriage vows - religious or secular - in any way. Marriage involves promising to ‘forsake all others’ - ie, not engaging in physical relationships or falling in love with anyone else. It doesn’t involve the complete loss of the natural human instinct to find members of the opposite sex pleasant to look at.

“Forsaking all others” and “lusting after” have a chasm of nuance between them.

I wasn’t issued with a blindfold when I got married, were you?

Half the toot I see on insta - more than half actually, is accounts I’m not following, followed by ads. He seemed to know who she was though if he knew she was a wrestler, but even so, I couldn’t get worked up about this. Unless I noted my husband was actively reaching out / messaging or whatever that’s where my line is drawn. Look but don’t touch.

Loving your honesty and the fact some posters seem incapable of believing a woman could do that! It’s something men do and therefore A Bad Thing

i dunno i was scrolling on my instagram with my DP and some random wrestling post popped up and he pulled down his pants? it was so bizarre ??? i have never watched any wrestling but i do watch some fitness or calisthenics videos! it was mortifying, luckily he doesn't think thats what i do in my spare time.

anytime you scroll on IG you get bombarded with videos of people you don't follow, its annoying

I'm a gym goer. I have lots of gym stuff on my social media. Some men , some women. Yes even in leggings or shorts. God forbid! I follow them for the form. And sometimes for inspiration. If the bloke happens to be attractive then so be it. I'm not going to unfollow due to someone else's insecurities.
No idea what my husband follows on Instagram. More than likely cars and possibly dogs. I don't care. They're no threat to me. What's he going to do? Stalk her?
.

This

I find this such a odd take. Op doesn't need to grow up she just has different boundaries /preferences for her own relationship.
We are all allowed to be different and have relationships that look different.

Would you tell someone in a polygamous relationship to "grow up" and "be like the rest of us"

Just because someone's personal preferences don't align the same as yours doesn't mean they are wrong.

Would you be happy with someone monitoring your social media?

How is the op monitoring her partners social media? They were sitting side by side. But absolutely if my partner felt hurt or confused over my social media usage then ofcourse he is more a priority to me than some pixels on a screen.