Husband and Instagram row

[NotaMumYet9323]

Last night my DH was swiping though Instagram and up came a girl posing in her gym clothes to show off her bum. I asked who's that, he said just an an advert, I said doesn't look like an advert...then it was 'oh she's a wrestler' I looked her up and majority of her posts are in swimwear/undies and hardly any wrestling content

AIBU in thinking he tried to lie and cover up with 'just an ad'

We've had some issues before regarding insta models etc, a lot of his friends have been caught out ogling and liking posts.

Do men ever grow up?

I follow people on IG who I find attractive. I also fancy my actual partner. I assume they do the same.

If stuff like this started to bother me, I’d assume I wasn’t feeling great within the relationship, or about myself.

Of course people sometimes notice in passing when another person is attractive.
That is totally different from seeking out sexually explicit images of another person for sexual gratification. That is disrespectful and is contrary to marriage vows.

My husband’s Instagram is nothing but cookery and wildlife.

He’s not into female wrestlers in their scanties, but there’s not a lot you can do about it if your basic husband is. You can’t police him to that extent.

Social media is the third person in many relationships these days. It’s especially grim for a partner to be sitting next to their partner scrolling, instead of enjoying each others company. Probably have to accept that they are free to follow whoever they like, or ask them not to be on social media in your company - which is the lesser of two evils?

”Sexually explicit” isn’t a person in gym leggings.

I genuinely don't see the difference.

I often watch films because I find the lead actor attractive. Guess DH should be signing those divorce papers 😂

What's sexually explicit about someone wearing gym leggings?

If a partner tried to tell me when I was allowed to use social media, or who I could follow on there, I'd be ending the relationship.

There is literally only 1 question that matters. Is he into wrestling? And less importantly which wrestler was it?

I follow some lady wrasslers online and some man wrasslers online because (and this is a hill I will die on) pro-wrestling is the pinnacle of human artistic achievement.

So if he (correctly) likes pro wrestling then it’s not even an eyebrow raise. If he is just creeping on a lady athlete because they often don’t wear a lot of clothing then he needs to give his head a wobble.

Do you think women who follow famous footballers or musicians for their looks also need to give their heads a wobble?

How can you possibly say that without having seen the photo ?

Why should her H be looking at photos of women in gym gear in the first place other than because of an interest in their bodies? There us no other possible reason.

And women who use the painfully cringeworthy phrase of ‘not my Nigel’ to disparage women who have actually married decent men need to take a look at their bar.

Yes, it’s weird. “I hate football but follow (player)’s socials because he’s fit” is weird.

I guess I just don't see what's wrong with looking at attractive humans even when you're in a relationship.

I watch certain movies because I find the lead actors attractive. It doesn't mean I don't find DH attractive or that I'm going to fuck him off for Colin Firth.

Why is it weird to find other people attractive and to look at their photos or videos, though?

It's not like said famous person is going to go "ooh, Jane from Sunderland has followed me, I'll leave my wife and shack up with her pronto" lol.

Did you take marriage vows?

I thought that marriage vows still included the vow to " forsake all others".

Why take the vows if you are intending to spend your time lusting after other people,?

It makes a mockery of the marriage vows.

If you aren't married then fair enough. But in that case don't tell women who did take the vows what is or isn't acceptable to them in their marriages.

Exactly. Being attracted to other people is normal - you don't suddenly switch off that part of yourself just because you're in a committed relationship

I always assume people who worry about this stuff are either deeply insecure or simply don't trust their husbands to just "look".

You may not rate Jane from Sunderland, but I think she’s utterly charming and if I were a premier league footballer I’d defo go and buy her a packet of quavers.

I guess you should start understanding lechy men on Instagram.

Both acts involve attraction, but they differ in context and meaning. When a man follows a woman who posts provocative photos, it’s a direct, ongoing, repetitive engagement with a real person that can signal sexual interest and participate in a broader culture of objectifying women. Social media is interpersonal, even when it appears one-sided. When a woman watches a film because she finds the male lead attractive, it’s a private, one-way experience, not a personal interaction.

And what about when a woman follows a man on Instagram and likes his photos, as millions of us do? Are we all lechy too?

What is the point in getting married if you aren't committed to the person who you took.vows to?
What a sham of a ceremony if your intention is to continue to lust after other people.
Why bother to marry in the first place if it is so meaningless to you .

This.

BUT DOES HE LIKE WRESTLING AND WHICH WRESTLER WAS IT??

I won’t sleep not knowing.

To be fair, if Henry Cavill wanted to run away with me, I certainly wouldn’t disagree 🤣. I follow some male celebrities, and fitness experts influencers. Some I find attractive, and some I don’t. So should I not be following the ones I find attractive? My husband would never tell me to do that, the same way I don’t care when he follows Gal Gadot. 🤣

You sound incredibly paranoid and insecure.

Personally, I prefer to trust my husband, not get myself into a state because he (shock) still finds other people attractive.

Do men ever grow up?
just as much as women who follow sportsmen on social media.

If my DH was having a fit because I follow guys posting photos of them exercising topless, I would tell him to work on his insecurities because it's awfully unattractive.

a lot of his friends have been caught out ogling and liking posts.
caught out? are you 12?

If you feel that jealous and insecure about random strangers, how are you with people he meets at the gym or when he goes out