Is what my Mum said I appropriate?

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At a dance show with my youngest who is 10. She danced in front of 100 plus people. She’s very self concious and shy and did brilliantly. As we were clapping while she came off stage my mum said…. “Her figure is lovely, compared to what she used to be like”. Nothing about the dance…. Discuss 🙏🏻

Abusive men always use the "too sensitive" stick to beat women who get upset at their mistreatment.

Its always the victims problem.
IMO when I hear "too sensitive" being used against anyone, I hear toxic religion.

Its like the person who "says it like it is". Toxic.

A dear friend of mine is a barrister and on the board of an eating disorder charity. We both have daughters. She said it is absolutely horrifying how often the seed of eating issues can be planted by a rude remark, usually from older women and men about a childs body.

My daughters are 18-20 and I know from them, and my friends that eating issues simmer in many homes.

With my own daughters I am like a short order cook bringing them food to their rooms to ensure that they eat regularly and healthily.

Your instincts are correct as was your reaction to your mother.
Shut her down and don't doubt yourself.
You sound like a wonderful mother.

Of course I own these things and am interested in my appearance. But as an equivalent for an adult… say I had to present in a room of 150 people on a project I’d spent ages learning about - if the first thing someone says when I got off stage after doing my presentation is “your hair looked nice” wouldn’t that be a bit odd to you? Surely the appearance comes secondary? And also to compare it to how she used to look. “Well done on your presentation, your hair looked lovely not shit like it used to” 🤔

Oh gosh that is so so nice and thank you so much for sharing that. Needed to hear it! 😭❤️ You too sound like a fab mum looking after your daughters welfare.
All my life she’s the only person that has ever told me I’m ‘too’ sensitive. When I look back on it it’s always been after a barbed comment which has upset me, generally about my appearance. I don’t think she means to be rude but just says what she is thinking. She’s very much in the camp of ‘says it like it is’.

Bullshit to your mother. Saying “you’re too sensitive” is telling you she can’t cope with your response. Challenge her more and don’t allow her defensive tears make you feel sorry for her. She knows she being a cow

💐

It was aimed at you, she thinks you over fed your daughter now she is doing more activities and is working off the food you have overfed her.

Your mother is toxic.
I understand that can be difficult to digest and accept.
You are no doubt suffering from FOG.
Fear, Obligation and Guilt.
Look it up.

It is not normal to make barbed comments at someone you love, much less your child.

Its fxxked up, like really fxxked up and toxic.

A loving mother wouldn't dream of deliberately hurting their child with a personal remark and then accusing them of being "too sensitive", because they are understandably upset.

Ugly people say nasty things under the banner of "just saying it like it is".

I would strongly suggest you educate yourself, because your mother is not someone I would want around my precious children.

She has emotionally abused you hence you doubt yourself because you are so conditioned by her.

You and your children deserve better and your children need protecting.
You don't want them damaged by her, as you have been.

You are, quite possibly (and also upsettingly) right. I don’t think she means to do it purposely but she is nonetheless

Of course she knows what she is saying.
The first time you expressed upset as a child she would have known.
But she continued on with her remarks throughout your childhood, shutting you down with accusations of being "too sensitive".

I don't mean to be unkind, but you have been conditioned to accept her behaviour and turn it in on yourself that the fault lies with you you.

Its not you that is the problem, its her.
People rared like you often end up as people pleasers and in abusive relationships because they have lived their whole lives in denial and doubt about what their gut is trying to tell them.

You felt upset when she has said unkind things, when you expressed this you were told you were wrong.

So you can end up growing up never trusting your own gut and feelings, leading to self doubt and confusion, making you vulnerable to abuse and being taken advantage of by others.

All sounds very very familiar. Luckily not in an abusive relationship but very much a people pleaser and constantly question myself

Knowledge is power.
Start reading up on it.
Consider some counselling to tease it out.
People pleasing is a disease! That women notoriously suffer from.
But you can recover from it.
But self knowledge is key to this.
One step at a time.
YouTube can be a fantastic tool as is google, to learn how to recover from being a people pleaser, and learn strategies to move forward.
You can do it.

Thank you so much x

Oh god too sensitive which basically means why can’t I say anything I want to you like I could when you were a child, it’s not fair!! I can’t Self reflect so do not Ecke t me to!!

I am very open with my daughter (who is older) that her grandma is bloody batshit , and that’s for various reasons and I do explain it age appropriately.

Same, everything includes a comment on weight and appearance. My mum seems to equate how you look with how nice or worthy a person you are. It’s really messed up!

Yep… all my life she’s said I’m too sensitive. Nobody else has though 🤔
Yes I think like you I’m going to have to explain her ways to my daughters at some point and why, it’s a hard balance x

Same!
So.... No.

Yet you got to the end of 5 pages of people discussing it to… say you weren’t discussing it 😂

Same. Do you want an essay...

If there is an issue with comments on weight, tell your mother to stop.

You sound like your mother’s daughter, with your “discuss”. She taught you well.

I didn't actually... and as you can see, I only discussed the rude instruction to "Discuss". Like as if we're children and you're our teacher.

So why are you here? To tell me off? Duly noted won’t do it again miss

Thank you ☺️ 🥰