To think that when a man cooks for you, he expects something in return?

[ThatZestyLemonPoster]

I’ve noticed a pattern - whenever a man goes out of his way to cook for me, especially early on, it rarely feels like a simple act of kindness. There’s often an unspoken expectation - gratitude, praise or something more physical.

Maybe I’m jaded but it’s hard to believe it’s ever just about the meal. AIBU to think that when a man cooks for you, there’s usually an ulterior motive and it’s not just to show off his seasoning skills?

When dh cooks for me it's because we need dinner.

Washing up😄

I've never felt this with my DH, not when dating or now.

When DH cooks for me, it usually means he fancied that particular thing for dinner!

Depends on the man, Gorden Ramsey would likely expect payment, my husband just wants me to enjoy it.

I mean I expect a bit of gratitude too, when I cook, and it’s nice if someone compliments the meal. Particularly when the dc are acting like I’ve served up something inedible or poisoned.

Yes, he expects you to do the dishes.

I expect gratitude and praise when I cook dinner. I don’t expect sex because that would get tedious.

DP cooks most of our meals and we've been together 20 years... I can assure you I'm not performing any form of gratitude because he cooked dinner. 'That was lovely, thanks' does the job.

YABU. Some men cook because they do their bit domestically (though lots don't). Others cook because they like it. Dh loves cooking. He's very good at it and cooks way more often than I do, especially when we have guests.

Do you not expect someone to say thank you if you’ve cooked for them??

Maybe it's the men you date? Not being snarky, I mean that genuinely. When I first started seeing DH, of course he cooked, or paid for a takeaway, if I came over to his place - I was his guest. I mean yes there was sex too but we both wanted that, it wasn't linked to dinner in any way.

DH does all the cooking cos I'm useless 🤣

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a little gratitude for cooking a meal. Just the other day I snapped at my family, "It would be really nice if one day someone in this house just said 'Thanks for making dinner mum!' instead of 'Why are my carrots touching my peeeeas??!!' or 'I wanted my gravy in a moat around my mashed potato caaaaastle!!!!'" 😂😭💀

A thank you is basic manners. I’m talking more about when there’s an implied transaction behind it, not simple appreciation.

I hope not... husband is cooking dinner right now (to be fair he does most nights!)

I do know the kind of performative 'I'll cook dinner' date you get early on though. I do think most of those probably have the hope of sex too, especially if you haven't yet, and he isn't genuinely someone who loves to cook. I wouldn't agree to them if I wasn't yet in that place as I'd feel mentally like I was expecting a strong come on after the food.

Maybe it is the men I’ve met. I love when it’s just genuine hosting; I’ve just seen that “expectation energy” a few too many times.

I think you just have bad taste in men

Gratitude & praise (when the food is good) are perfectly reasonable expectations. DP cooked a pasta dish for us tonight which was absolutely delicious. I had seconds & cleared my plate. His only expectation is that I’m honest about whether I enjoyed it.

You just know shit men.

This isn’t something I experienced. Sometimes it was a bit “look at me, aren’t I wonderful, I can cook” but it didn’t feel particularly transactional.

The only thing my partner wants when he cooks dinner is his actual dinner. 🤣🤣🤣

We plan our meals and in better at cooking some meals and he’s better at others so I’d say I probably cook more meals than him but not by much.

I always say thank you and expect the same in return so expressing gratitude works both ways in our house x x

It must be the type of man you are attracting, or it’s a subconscious belief that you are projecting?

I feel like porn has ruined a lot of men now.

Just say thank you and consider if you’d like him for dessert - many men are great cooks and are just trying to make an effort/ be sweet