To think that when a man cooks for you, he expects something in return?

[ThatZestyLemonPoster]

I’ve noticed a pattern - whenever a man goes out of his way to cook for me, especially early on, it rarely feels like a simple act of kindness. There’s often an unspoken expectation - gratitude, praise or something more physical.

Maybe I’m jaded but it’s hard to believe it’s ever just about the meal. AIBU to think that when a man cooks for you, there’s usually an ulterior motive and it’s not just to show off his seasoning skills?

Haha no. My Dh cooks for everyone, it's just his way. He doesn't even expect me to do the dishes. He does expect me to only occasionally comment on how he can't boil water without trashing the kitchen. He did cook for me early on and I did sleep with him, but we met at a residential course where he cooked for everyone and I know for a fact he did not sleep with them all.

The long food con 😂 love it. Maybe I fell for that one too.

In seriousness I can definitely see that happening. There are men for whom being "nice" is totally transactional, and it's not always easy to spot them straight away imo. A lot of people get all the way to having kids with men like that before they show their true colours and then Mnet posters say "why did you have kids with him..." they're often fine while they're getting what they want and are the centre of the woman's attention.

You say your dad cooked when you were growing up but you seem to be dating men where cooking is performative? I might be quite flattered if a man went to a lot of trouble to cook me a nice meal but the feminist in me wouldn’t be giving him any special accolades or pats on the head (or sexual equivalent) for his cooking per se. Effort? yes. Cooking? nah mate, any functioning adult can do that.

This thread didnt go the way you had hoped did it?

No. I think we were supposed to chime in with tales of the time the guy invited us round for duck á l’orange on the second date, and before we’d had a chance to say ‘Very nice’, Mr Chef was rogering us over the back of the sofa while we were still holding our knife and fork.

Ahh- come on- we all knew she didn’t mean people in established relationships.

This has certainly happened to me on more than one occasion, when I was much younger!

Men expect women to be their support humans, full stop

Anytime my DH or my ex cooked it was because we needed to eat. They didn't expect more than a thank you and for me to enjoy what they'd cooked.
I'm sure some men do expect sex in return but they're just assholes.

I must be difficult job guarding your virginity and dating... oh, poor you
You don't need to sleep with anyone, but if man cooking your dinner is making you anxious, then don't let men cook for you. Or don't date period

Same here. DH cooks for me most days.