MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

I agree with your MIL . A temperature of 16 is prob just about adequate ok when the baby is fully dressed and in sleep bag. However, while that is ok for a sleeping baby, if they are awake and out of their cot, it is too cold. Also, the recommendation from Lullaby trust is that they should wear one more layer of clothing than you are. If they are unclothed, such at bathtime, the room needs to be much warmer. Being too cold can impact babies immune system.

So I think 16 overnight is fine.

Heating up to 16 (i.e. implying the house has got colder than 16 overnight) isn't fine with a baby, but is fine for adults providing there are cozy blankets etc.

I would want the house at least 16 all the time during the day if you're in. I see it sounds like you're saying that is the case. I would say 18 is a more normal temperature to keep the house if you are in. I set my house temperature to 17 for the day which I know is chilly, but I would up it to 19 at least for guests, often 20.

I said earlier that 16 degrees is too cold. We do actually have our thermostat set to 16 overnight, but the difference is that it has been significantly higher all evening so there is plenty of residual heat. The problem with the OP's house is that it is freezing all day as well!

You tell your mil way too much about your lives.

It does not seem like many commenters have a clue that current recommendations from NHS, Lullaby Trust, etc. state that 16-20 degrees is the ideal room temp for babies with regards to safe sleep. (A recommendation based on over 2 decades now of SIDS research.) If you have a room thermometer in the room you sleep with baby in that shows the room temp is within that range (including as low as 16 degrees), and your baby is dressed accordingly, and you yourself are able to get enough sleep, as is your husband, then you are doing everything right mumma. Ignore the MIL and these commenters, who aren’t clued-up on safe sleep recommendations it seems. My husband’s family are Turkish and come from a culture that loves to overdress babies, seemingly because they can’t understand that it’s sometimes safer to feel cooler than warmer. No way am I going along with that nonsense, increasing SIDS risk, just to appease them/their comfort. Also, we don’t “catch a cold” FROM the cold - we catch one from germs and then cooler outside temperatures can exacerbate our symptoms by irritating our already sick airways. If I were you I’d just print of safe sleep recommendations regarding temperature and hand them to her, and ask her if she’s ever heard of the sad but true idiom that cold babies cry, hot babies die.

So...the house is 16, and occasionally drops below that to 14/15, and if it does then you boost it back up to 16?

MIL is right, that's bloody freezing. If the house has been at around 15 say, pushing it to 16 isn't warming it up at all. 16 overnight is fine, but during the day that's just miserable.

Plus, you're not saving money using electric heaters to heat a single room.

Your poor baby... it's not even that cold yet outside. I can only imagine what Jan will be like.

Basically @lilseb , stop faffing with turning it on and off and messing with expensive heaters. Just set your thermostat somewhere between 18 and 20 with the boiler timed to come on when needed from just before you get up to around bedtime (assuming someone's home all day) and then forget it. You'll probably save money as the house will hold residual heat and you'll save on ridiculously expensive space heaters.

as a grandparent to be i am upset for your mil, assuming she isnt normally like this

16 is fine at night. Do you have a thermometer in the baby’s room? Dropping lower should be avoided.

I’d find it uncomfortable in the day but find 18-19 very comfortable. 20+ I find stifling.

What I can’t comprehend is your use of small electric heaters - always madly expensive - rather than turning the heating up a bit (cheaper and more effective).

I'm so shocked reading all these..I've still not put my heating on this year. Checked thermostat and my living and toddlers room is both 16. I'm guilty of opening all the bedroom windows in the morning though as I like fresh air and I don't bother shutting them till the eve. Also got a 7 week old baby. He's in a 3.5tog grow bag with arms at night and seems fine. I have tablet dehumidifiers in every room and no problems with mold. I'm not even wearing my jumper indoors yet so I guess we are all different. My older kids only wearing rain coats to school and I put their jumpers in their bags buy they never use them. I'd just get your MIL an hoodie to wear at yours.
If you're cold put your heating on. Of you're not don't.

That post reminded me of the Monty Python Four Yorkshiremen sketch! 16 degrees - luxury! 😂

She is right. Get the temp to 19 or 20 and your house will be warm enough. You can always turn it down o ce the house is warm. I don't have heating on overnight but I do get the house warm before we ate going upstairs to sleep. With a baby you need to do better. If your husband is too tight buy a decent oil radiator for the baby.

Advice from Public Health England, NHS and Asthma + Lung UK is that 16 degrees is too cold during the day and isn't healthy especially for a baby

I've got 5 very healthy children from ages newborn to 11. Only ever get the usual coughs and colds. Me and husband never ill either so is fine for us. Had house for 15 years and no mould yet so...

I think stinginess is a bad trait. If your husband is being stingy, even with a new baby, I’d be more worried about that than the cold.

I think 18/19c is the optimum temp. 16c is very cold and the damp is worse for you all as well.MIL is right here!

I'm with you that anything above 16C is warmer than I'd like for sleeping in but would find that uncomfortable during the day unless I was rushing about doing chores or completely bundled up in thick clothing, and I know I'd have problems with damp and mould (but I live in one of the most humid parts of England). I think it would be difficult with a young baby in those daytime temps esp since there tends to be a bit more sitting around, nappy changes, breastfeeding etc. 18C ideally.

To me anything above 20C is reasonable for elderly, immobile or sick people 😂

Our thermostat is set at 16 degrees 24 hours a day. We don’t find it cold, never mind very cold. Nor do we have any damp problems.

Your house is cold, turn on your heat!

I assumed your mil was sleeping there, hence your thread title - but it seems not. So why can't she sleep? Edit: OK, I misread - she won't sleep over in your house because your house is so cold. Did this not tell you anything?

Maybe your thermstat isn't accurate @cinquanta ?

It seems to tally with the other thermometers I have so I am fairly sure it is. The house stays a constant 16. However, we do turn it up if we are having visitors. Apart from DH’s best friend who always complains it’s “boiling”, turns the radiator off in his bedroom and opens the window.

It’s difficult being a MIL, always best to keep your mouth shut. She’s right though, your baby won’t be very comfortable at those temperatures. 16 degrees is okay at night if baby has a warm gro bag. During the day 19 would be more comfortable. I would find it difficult not to occasionally say something if I was your MIL even though it might get on your nerves. I would visit you but probably annoy you by wearing a fleece and scarf in the house. Your husband does sound a bit stingy and controlling. Perhaps tell MIL you would like it a bit warmer but your husband isn’t happy for you to turn the heating up, then she can nag him instead of you.

16 is ridiculous especially with a new baby.

18 is the recommended temp
.