MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

This. You’re freezing your poor baby living like that. Your mil is absolutely right!

I think when posters mention a tight husband that controls the heating and refuses to turn it on (even though obviously it’s a joint house and you are all living there) this instantly screams control, always makes me feel sad for the OP to live with a man like that, how miserable

It seems like a lot of fannying about with measuring temperatures, heating experts and fan heaters whilst ignoring the massive elephant in the room. If your house feels cold or damp, turn the bloody heating up.

16 degrees is a false economy; you will get damp and mould at that temperature. We started to get some when we reduced our thermostat to 18. We are set to 19 now and no problems.

Depending on your heating system, it may also be more economical to have the heating on constantly at a set temp than heating a cold house.

Our heating is set to kick in when the house temp drops below 18 degrees. When our children were small we had a gro egg temperature light that we would go by and keep their room a little warmer but never over 20 degrees.
People are used to different temperatures, your MIL is being a little hysterical to be so concerned at your house being at least 16 degrees and you are being over sensitive.
My Mum’s house is too cold for me, around 14-16 degrees but she likes it and as it’s her house and she has to live in it I don’t nag at her about it, just say to her when it’s starting to feel a little damp so she runs the dehumidifier.

Have you got a hive system? If you can afford it then I suggest doing so and installing the hive radiator valves.
That way you can control the heating per room and time of day and it saves money long run.

I prefer a cooler house, our bedrooms are set to 17.5 overnight. You can get a gro egg which will tell you easily if temperature is right.

24 is hot and 30 is ridiculous! I agree 16 is too cold, although that's fine for a bedroom while you're sleeping.

You are joking? Wtf! What the hell is your energy bill like? 🤣🤣

I'm with your MIL that's freezing 🥶 I wouldn't want to stay over either

I resent putting the heating on and always try and refrain until November but I've been freezing since the beginning of October. When I'm home during the day and in the evenings I keep it at 18/19 and quick blast if I'm cold but at night I get hot so put it on 16. My house is well insulated and all my rooms are over other rooms.

Is your bedroom over a garage? I used to have one of those and I used to freeze at nights unless the heating was on at least 19. Why don't you try what MIL suggests, I'd find it annoying if she kept going on but she sounds right this time (which is even more annoying) 🤣.

I think 16 C is fine overnight for bedrooms

In the day I think rooms "should" be around 19C if they are rooms you are sitting around in. Possibly 20 C

If you're getting damp and mould at 18 degrees there's something wrong with your lifestyle or your house that's causing it. That's far from normal.

I don’t visit stingy people who refuse to put the heating on.

Your house is too cold for a baby - especially an immobile one - turn the heating up to at least 17 degrees. Check that the radiators have been bled and are fully functioning.

I grew up in a country that had no CH and we were constantly cold at home, relying on small bar heaters, fan heaters or in latter years a portable gas heater when these become popular and cheap. Even the cat and dog used to huddle around the heaters.

It was not fun being cold, I do not have the nostalgic memories of some on here, nor was it character building. It was just bloody cold.

I also had a lingering cough in the winter months as a child and adult which I put down to breathing in the even colder air at night once the heaters were off. Once I moved to England nearly 25 years ago the cough stopped in the winter time, and has never reoccurred. I put it down to the warmer overnight temps due to having CH.

Remind your tight-fisted DH that everyone’s health and comfort could possibly suffer in a very cold home, let alone developing a mould problem.

I agree 16 is far too cold to be comfortable.18-20 much
ore normal!

i dont blame your mil
16 is too cold for babies and asthmatics

delusion that it's somehow character building to live in a damp, cool house.

so true. You see that a lot on here. People are somehow proud that they are stingy and live in a cold house.

ah you're married to my BIL. We wear thermals when we go round. House is far too cold but he's a tightward too.

your house is too cold
your DH is a controlling arse and I expect not just about this
your MIL is right

Yes it's mad. I grew up with one coal fire in the living room and a paraffin heater at the top of the stairs. It was cold & miserable. The day we had CH installed was a joy!

16 degrees is bloody freezing! I’ve just come downstairs and my thermostat says it’s 20 degrees in our house and the heating hasnt been on. I’m surprised your house is so cold already - it’s only been mild so far.

16 is cold. Mine’s normally about 20.
Is your husband tight or is he genuinely worried about money ? Take it you’re on mat leave.
Gas and electricity are expensive.

I live in the Nordics where we let babies nap outside in their prams in winter, well wrapped up, for short periods of time. But our homes are kept much warmer in winter than you describe. More like 20C.

I think you should speak with a health worker. I remember the advice on sleeping temperature caused me a lot of anxiety because my baby was born in a heat wave!

The general advice is that baby needs one extra layer than you to stay warm, and feel the top of their chest to make sure they are warm but not sweaty. Good luck.

This is just silly. We used to live without running water, electricity, vaccinations.....etc etc. Just because we used to doesn't mean it's fine to do so now.

If the thermostat is set at 16 that is the maximum the house is going to get to. There will likely be substantial periods of the day when the room temperature drops at least a couple of degrees below 16. However well insulated a house is, heat escapes.

We use our heating the same way i.e. only on an hour twice a day but the temperature is set at around 20, so that the house warms to that temperature and then once the heating turns off, it remains around 16-18.

I am not surprised MIL is concerned.

16 is ok as a sleeping temperature (but is the lower end of optimal for a baby) but bear in mind that’s with your baby in those layers, and you under duvet. It’s therefore obviously too cool for the daytime. If finances are an issue then you just have to do your best and make sure you all keep warm, but if not you need to get that thermostat up!

I expect it probably gets colder than that overnight if you are only boosting it to 16 degrees in the day.