MIL not sleeping over our house being too cold

[lilseb]

We have a 5mo baby. We've just moved into our property which has an EPC C and insulated/double glazing, but since the weather's turned cold we've found our bedroom is far too cold, unsure why and we want to get a specialist in. We are a bit sparse with heating but we put it on morning and evening to heat house up to 16c, we top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms we use more so they're warmer than the 16c (including said bedroom but this was not effective). The rest of the house is fine except this one room. Me and baby are now sleeping in spare room which is much warmer. Baby is in recommended vest sleepsuit and 2.5-3.5 tog sleeping bag for the weather.

MIL is convinced the issue is we don't put the heating on enough and having arguments with my husband about it. She's said its not good enough that we're using our dyson for heating or that me and baby have switched room and we need to have the heating on more, and she thinks 16c is too cold. She has told me and my husband separately that she is so worried about our house she's not sleeping, citing worries for my husband's asthma and our child's health. The latter has upset me because I'm trying to follow the recommended advice for temperature and I wouldn't risk my child's welfare. Husband says I'm being over sensitive, and I know she probably doesn't mean to imply it, but I do think she should be thinking through what she says.

Husband is a tightarse and I frequently ignore his moaning and switch heating on anyway - however we both feel that the issue with the bedroom is not the heating, and that we think 16c is a reasonable temperature that will keep us healthy and should keep house in good condition. I don't know if I get especially warm but I woke up last night feeling too hot and room temperature was 17c. My husband similarly is ok with cooler temperatures.

My view is its our house and our baby and MIL has said her piece so now needs to reign it in. AIBU? I know she's grandmother and I can't stop her worrying but we're already navigating a new house and new baby and could do without her rattling me. I had a conversation with her earlier which was pleasant and constructive enough and I'm hoping will nip some of this in the bud, but I don't know whether to be tougher if there's a next time.

Totally agree - 22 degrees would be horribly warm. I would go for 18 OP, most people nowadays overheat their houses - but once they’re used to the overheating anything less feels cold 🤷‍♀️

have a look at the NHS website article on room temperature, it recommends 18’C as minimum.

Outside for sleeping well wrapped up, but generally their houses are much warmer than in the UK. I've never been too cold in a Danish house (my husband is Danish so I've visited lots), they certainly don't suffer from the delusion that it's somehow character building to live in a damp, cool house.

Your MIL is absolutely right - sometimes we are you know!

If you set the thermostat at say 20/21 the heating will kick in as and when needed to keep the rooms and fabric of the house at a decent temperature - if you did this you wouldn't have to top up in the day if its especially cold and use heaters/fireplace in certain rooms

Why are you both sparse with heating? You have a young baby - keep your house warm!

At least get an electric blanket and keep one room warm.

16 is way too cold, and I say that as one who doesn’t like an overly warm environment.

Especially if it’s damp. I wouldn’t want baby breathing in chilly dank air.

16 is freezing
mine is 20 usually

I agree - have visited Sweden many times and their homes are warm.

And the people and their children dress appropriately when outside in the very cold temperatures but don't sit bundled-up in layers and heated blankets when indoors!

18 degrees in a dry house= comfortable
18 degrees in a damp house= miserable cold and unhealthy.

Get a dehumidifier for the cold bedroom but also put the central heating up at least to 18 otherwise the house will be covered in mould by the end of the year.

16 is very cool.

Most people i know have it between 18 & 23. The active, "warm" types are happy at 18/19, the sedentary people, colder folks and older people go for 21-23.

I used to know a guy who kept his house at 16 and his house always had a vaguely damp smell and was really cold.

If i had visitors I'd generally have mine at 20 but turn it up/down on request.

Im not one to agree often with the MIL but she’s so right, not surprised she’s worried! 15/16 is when I put the heating on, to avoid damp and cold. Girl get over yourself, your husband too and stop being a tight arse and put the damn heating on xx

I don’t feel the cold but 16c is objectively on the cold side and you’ve had to move rooms because of it. You probably have a cold external wall in the main bedroom and layer of insulation will help.

18-20c will be more comfortable for the daytime.

Put the heating on a timer.

16 degrees is the HSE minimum temp for working (not including food production places). It is cold! Put the bloody heating on to 18 minimum.

Why is your house that cold? I walked from my office to boots yesterday in a cardigan it's only 14 degrees outside. I live in an old Edwardian semi windows are double glazed but old. High ceilings , original wood floors and too knocked through for for the age of the building, our heating clicked off around 7:30 last night and it's currently 20.degrees downstairs which means it is a degree or two warmer upstairs (which is fully carpeted with smaller rooms than downstairs).
You need to check that thermostat is accurate. Also using heaters is probably costing you more than having the heating set to 18

16 is fairly cool, you'd notice a huge difference in comfort if you upped it to 18, still a conservative warm for some but much more reasonable. Ignore those who are suggesting 24 or 30, that would be fair too stuffy and ridiculously expensive.

I don’t think 16 is too cold, I like a cool room to sleep in and generally I think people have their houses way too hot these days. I don’t know where you live but we’ve not really had any cold weather yet, actually we’ve been commenting how mild it is. So you may need a rethink when the temp drops.

As an aside, how do so many posters know the exact temp of their house? I’m pretty sure heating thermostats aren’t that accurate. Do you have thermometers in each room?!

YANBU. Our house is normally at 14 for sleeping and during the day, heated to 16-18 if we're not doing much and in the evening. 20 is psychotically warm.

Agree, too cold. Too cold for the elderly and too cold for babies afaik. The recommended temp is 18-21 oC.
If you hate a warm house, get those plug in oil filled radiators so guests and children can have warm rooms. 16 is uncomfortable for most.

Yabvu and either stupid or foolish.

She is (correctly) trying to tell you HOW concerned she is for her GC

what is wrong with you?
The house is 16 MAX so presumably 12-16 most of the day. That is just too cold for a baby that small.
A drop to 14 or so in the middle of the night for a few hours is fine but what you describe is not okay

If money is such a problem cut back elsewhere.

If i was in the situation and had no additional money i would actively be raising money to heat the house.

Heat the house to 18 degrees minimum and stop being tight arses.

I have mine on 20 just for the dogs. I would not want to stay either at 16 degrees. Sorry.

Read the op....
They heat up to 16 max for a couple of hours a day.

They have a new born.

And yes i have hive and know temps in each room especially my 3 and 1 yr olds

Sorry to jump on the bandwagon but agree your house is too cold, especially with a young baby and the issues with damp. We have dehumidifiers in the bathrooms to help with this and at this time of year need to have the thermostat at 18 minimum. If we are home all day and when it becomes colder in winter then we turn it up during the day.

I know you don't really get health visitors come so much anymore but my first was a winter baby and even though he was wrapped up, the HV came into our house and said it was too cold for a baby and he needed more layers (I like you was initially concerned about overheating so had gone the other way). I would listen to MIL on this.

16 degrees is very cold. If this is all you can afford, YANBU, but if it’s a choice then I don’t blame your MIL for wanting a more normal temperature.

Should be between 18 and 21. Be careful having a new baby with those temperatures. Your MIL is only speaking with the best of intentions for her grandchild. Of course, you are entitled to say she is interfering but, from what I can read, it is from a place of justified concern. Your life, your baby, your choices but don't complain if baby develops any conditions because of the cold.

Going against the grain……our thermostat never gets turned above 15 and in fact our heating hasn’t even been on for the last 5 days because the house is sat at around 16/17 degrees.

We don’t have damp and none us have health conditions because of it. DS is 17, perfectly happy and healthy.

Conversely - SIL/BIL are heating at 23 degrees people…. both of them and their 2 DC are CONSTANTLY poorly with colds and viruses; DN has respiratory issues that the Dr can’t really get to the root cause of and has done since they were a baby.