Anyone else in office until 6 with long commute and young kids ? How do you do it ?

[opali]

I just started a new job and stupidly assumed that office hours would be 9-5. They’re not. They’re 9:30-6. 3 times a week.

anyway, I’m sure others have this - what do you do with your kiddies ? Mine are 3 and 5.

my last job was 9-5, but I used to leave at around 4:20 to go and get back in time to pick up my kids from after school club, which finishes at 6.

I didn’t really take a lunch break and caught up on whatever anytime anyway, so it didn’t really make any difference or bother anyone.

the new work place seems super office performatory and of course I don’t want to ask in my first week.

even on my work from home days, I don’t think I can pick up my kids. On my office days I don’t get back home until 7:30 pm.

I have a nanny who helps me of course with drop offs and pick ups, but it’s so expensive and now she’s going to have to stay with them until 7:30 on top of the pick ups and drop offs, 3 times a week.

in my last role, I just asked my manager a couple of weeks in and explained I need to leave a bit early to pick up my kids and his response was that he’s in the same boat, so understands and it’s about the total output and catching up if required.

anyway, has anyone else navigated this ? No one else seems to have kids, so I’m not sure they’ll really get it. They know I have kids and need some flexibility with travel for example as they said they needed a lot of travel and we agreed on a bit less for me.

Your commute is 1.5 hours? You need a job with flexi working policy

this sounds impossible

Very few workplaces are 9 to 5.

Ask your husband to finish work 3 days a week at 5pm. And use after school club? Or apply for flexible working to change your hours to part time finishing at 5pm?

Personally I applied to go part time so I work only 28hrs a week.

I’m just surprised you hadn’t thought of all this before taking on this job. You left your previous job at 4.20pm, you were very lucky that this was allowed - and then didn’t check with your new employer as to whether you could do the same again? Agree that two full-time working parents plus kids is very difficult to juggle, it is a universal problem. But you’ve got a nanny, so I’m not sure what the problem is.

Is there a reason why they work 9.30-6? Can you ask to shift your hours to 8.30-5? Or 8-4.30?

They have to pay the nanny more obviously.

OP you say you had flexibility in all your other jobs, but your eldest is only 5 - how many jobs have you had in the past 5 years?

Unfortunately most solutions will cost more - nanny, breakfast club, after-school club, reduced hours etc. Unless you have free help from a grandparent or similar.
And wait until the kids get sick and can’t go to school, arghhh.

I don’t think it is normal in my circles. Our afterschool childcare closes at 5.30pm since Covid and there is always parents to pick up. Before Covid it closed at 6pm but by 5.30 most children would be gone.

I find in most cases that at least one parent has some kind of flexible arrangement at work whether it is flexitime, part time ….. When I was in work physically (now I mainly WFH) - I used to work early and my DH would drop and then I’d be finished early to pick up.

your DH is working such long hours as well. It seems like a very unsustainable situation to me. I hope you can sort it out,

You're the one negotiating with nanny and your own work.

He's too busy and important to arrange his self employed work to fit his children in and is expecting you to handle it all?

It may be what you have is a husband problem.

I'm so sorry you've had so many unkind comments!!
For all those implying because your partner is self-employed he can drop everything to grab the kids clearly doesn't live in the real world! I'm not sure what your partner does but the fact hes home late, I would assume he travels quite some distance to his jobs? My husband is a commercial gas engineer, he travels for hours and is hardly going to down tools on a gas leak to go and collect the kids!!

I work 3 days a week from home but the flexibility is only there because I've been with the company 14 years, like you OP I think I would definitely struggle if I changed jobs which is why I don't progress in my current role because it fits around our family life.

First thing first, I would look to see if they have any flexible working policies. This should be the norm in most companies now. Speak with your manager, ask if you can reduce your hours on office days and do longer hours on your wfh days. The worst they can say is no, in which case, you start looking around for a more family friendly company to work for. Easier done in work then out of work. What sector do you work in OP?

It is not the company's responsibility to flex because her commute is so long. She signed a paid contract knowing she had that commute and what the hours were. That's on her. It's her own stupid fault. Many companies do offer flex as a matter of course but some choose not to, often for good reasons. It's the company's prerogative. You can't assume or demand flex because you sign a contract that actually doesn't work for you.

Did you get this job via a recruiter op? My DD had similar issues and was told a job was hybrid( 3 days in office) and 9-5. When she was offered rhe job she found out it was 5 days in office for a 6 mo th probation and then only one day wfh and the hours were 8.30-5. She contacted the recruiter who had gone on holiday!

I think this is a double whammy because of your DH’s hours and it’s really tough. I have also noticed those of us with office based roles and commutes are in a minority at the school gates since Covid. Most families I know have at least one parent who works from home some/most of the time, very flexibly, or school hours only.

Most people I know in your position with that kind of commute also have flexi time so if both have to be in the office, one starts early and picks up from after school club, the other starts later and drops off at school or breakfast club, and they use paid childcare to cover the gap. They also use options like working part time or compressed hours to take some of the pressure off.

Somebody mentioned 0830-1700 working better for people with younger children - they’re quite right and I’d definitely see if there’s any flexibility on this. Otherwise you might not get to see your youngest other than at bedtime (or not at all) during the week and that’s tough for both of you.

So I had to drop to a 3 day week as my husband had to go back to the office 2 days and commutes meant we had no options and my job is sessional so can drop sessions while his is managerial and hinges on full time AND he does 3 days WFH so it's pretty irreplaceable. Now my youngest is starting school in August I've found some local self employed hours to top up to full time. Everyone I know with a commute has cobbled things together this way. It allows me in my main role to work late because husband WFH those days and drops and collects, then the 2 office days he can also be super present for longer hours and any make up time from sick kids etc.

Pre COVID when we both had commutes but shorter commutes everyday it was a constant rush to and fro. I like this better

Does everyone stay until 6 on the dot? At most offices I’ve worked in (and I’m in HR so see a lot of it) the working hours in a contract are more of a guide, especially post Covid, unless you’re in a transactional role involving receiving phone calls, dealing with clients etc.
I’d say all of my friends in office based roles in London have large degrees of flexibility around their working hours - although it does vary across industries and seniority.
In my particular role I work internationally and often out of hours, on weekends, etc, so nobody would bat an eyelid if I left the office at 4.30pm, bums on seats mean nothing. I think you’ll need to have a conversation with your manager about what’s possible.

I did a flexible working request so days im in the office I finish just before 4 to get back to collect my DS by 5:30. I then work once he’s gone to bed to make up the hours

With such young children id not want to get home at 7:30pm

Or could you agree with your employer you start earlier?

We did the same as you and had no savings left but there was no other option.

Having a nanny isn’t the only way. I don’t know anyone who has a nanny. The only way would be for your husband to finish his self employed job at 4pm and look after the children after school.

I do condensed hours. 7-5 Monday Tuesday Thursday and Friday. That Wednesday int he middle means I don’t feel I’m away for too long and I’m always home for bed time. Could you condense and have a day off? I understand not all businesses could facilitate this.

I know your pain and I struggle with finishing at 5 and living just down the road from work. I think you can now request flexible working from day one of a new job. They don’t have to grant it but must have a good reason not to. Can you change your working hours so you start earlier or do one or two long days so you can finish at 4.30 on other days?

So I am a lawyer and do loads of hours but it’s flexible . I log off get my son at 5 from Nursey and log back on later when he’s in bed - I wouldn’t be prepared to not get home till 7.30 regularly . The nights I am in London I work late the other days I finish and collect my son xx

It sounds like you have started a new job and not really properly understood your working hours / office hours/ days. Didn’t you ask during the interview process what days and times you would be required in the office? Maybe ask around in work to see if anyone has flexible working hours? The longer you work there, the more people you get to know and maybe you can arrange more flexibility. I actively looked and applied for a job that fit with school drop offs/pick ups (in a local college).

Why did you apply for a job with the office so far away and such long hours when you have 2 young children? I guess needs must.