To think a 22 year old dating a 16 year old is dodgy?

[Corall]

It was a family member. They are married now. It was the 16 year olds first relationship, she had only just turned 16, doing her GCSEs.
I find it off putting, makes me think badly of the man. He’s always been controlling.
But others think it was fine. AIBU to want to avoid him?

I think people think differently these days and are far more suspicious. I think back to what I was like at 16 and I would not have felt 22 was too old at all and if I had wanted to date him I would have. In fact I was engaged at 16

Obviously if there's any kind of control or coercion happening then that's definitely not ok but that applies whatever the age

Yes, it's all become a bit strange. Like I said, at 17 I was dating my future DH who was then 20. That's only 3 years difference and most of my friends had similar relationships as did previous generations. So are the 18 year olds of today only supposed to date other 18 year olds!

The poster I was replying to was going on about having children young. BTW I was pregnant at 19, my partner at the time was 20 so 11 months between us. Can't see how the guy being older makes that much of a difference tbh.

We can all comment on creepy groomers.

I think it's more a reflection of how "young" a lot of them are now tbh (with all the judgementalness of an adolescent, which some never outgrow). At 16 I was already starting university, had a part time job from age of 11, and so on. I wasn't in a serious relationship, though. My best friend from school went abroad, got married and was running a farm by the time she was about 18 or 19. I don't think it would have occurred to us to tut tut about who was going out with whom. I don't think I ever cared how old any of the guys I slept with was and in some cases definitely didn't know.

I think this is because despite all the narrative on the surface about tolerance and acceptance of other people's views, beliefs, behaviours, young people these days are incredibly judgemental and guilty of huge group think. Led by adults of course, if you actually do think outside the box you're shouted down, 'cancelled' as it were in your social or community group.

Hang on. A family member ( or both) dated a while ago when one was pretty young. Now they're in their 20s and are married to each other. There's a 6 year difference. And...?

This is absolute nonsense. Science proves that the frontal cortex in the brain is still developing until you are around 25. A 22 year old is a hell of a lot closer to this age than a 16 year old child.

You were also 'young' at sixteen, as was I and all other sixteen year olds. I felt like I was mature, thought I knew it all and also wouldn't have thought anything of one of my friends dating an older man. I simply didn't know any different. I didn't realise how much I would change between the ages of 16 and 22. I didn't realise how much I would mature and how a 16 year old would seem so naive, immature and inexperienced in comparison. This would be off-putting and a bit gross. The fact some men actively seek out girls like this tells you all you need to know.

I find it odd that you are trying to imply that those who are disapproving of fully blown adults having a special relationships with legal children are somehow judgemental or a stick in the mud. Disgusting!

If they are both in their 20s and six years apart they must be within the "half your age plus seven" rule so that is ok.

What about a 14 yo and 22yo, would that be wrong? (If he thought she was 16)

That’s vile.

Hey. Steady on. And age gap of 13 years is pretty unusual but there no call to describe it this way and a bit rude surely? They are clearly happily married - hence the post.

A 29 year old man having an interest in a 16 year old is the very definition of vile. How the relationship played out isn’t particularly relevant as it changes nothing in terms of grown adult man being attracted to the youngest child he legally can be.

It’s not the 13 year age gap itself though that people have taken most issue with in this example, is it? Surely you understand that?

It’s the age of the younger party. 16.

If your 16 year old told you they had met a 29 year old who wanted to be in a relationship with them, you wouldn’t believe the 29 year old was predatory and doing something inappropriate and wrong? You’d think let’s give them a chance, they might be lovely? Despite them openly wanting to date a 16 year old?

If so I hope you aren’t responsible for any young adults.

We can agree on the issues in general. What I find a bit rude is telling someone that their own particular relationship is vile. That seems a bit much.

Nobody is saying the relationship is vile, just the fully grown adult MAN.

Yes, and illegal. Do we really need to spell out every permutation of “it isn’t ok for adults to fuck schoolchildren”?

The age of consent is what it is. If it upsets you, lobby Parliament?

There needs to be an additional law prohibiting excessive age gaps, separate from the AOC.

And yes, labelling people vile is phenomenally rude. You know they wouldn't have the bollocks to say it IRL.

Certainly for 16 and 17 year olds I agree with this. They are still children in a legal sense and should be protected from predators.

I’m suprised a 22 year old would want to go out with a 16 year old. I’ve got a 21 yo DS and he wouldn’t go anyway near a 16 year old. Too immature and looks dodgy to his friends. Anyone he knows who did this would be looked at in a really bad light. Even DS2 wouldn’t date a 16 year old and he’s 18.5.

I absolutely would tell a 29 year old man who was in a relationship with a 16 year old that he was vile, all day long. Why do you think otherwise?

Sure, Jan.

That’s utterly disgusting. I couldn’t be friends with someone who enabled their paedophile son to abuse a 14yo.