Is this too long a commute?

[rememberitalltoowell]

1.45 hours each way, 3 hours a day - 10 minute drive to train station, hour train, 20 minute walk. Would be out the house 6.30am - 6.30pm ish.

Two days a week

I have two young kids, nursery and reception.

I've worked remotely the last few years so a bit worried about doing this and the knock on affect of the long days on the kids.

1.45 x 2 = 3.5 hours. 3.5 x 5 = 17.5 hours a week. 17.5 x 4.5 (roughly a month) = 78-ish hours. 78.75 x 12 = 945.

945 hours a year spent on commuting.

That's time you're never getting back. So the question becomes "Are you happy with this chunk of your life (excluding hours spent actually working) being traded off for money?"

Do you think your time is worth the salary being offered?

I think 2 days a week could be manageable, might take some time getting use to and you need to factor in time to get up and shower and do hair and makeup plus if you're up during night. Id have to be certain that dh would be doing the night wakes the night before.

It’s only 2 days? I mean i think that sounds fine. You’ll probably enjoy the train journey.

Huh?

surely you still leave the house with the DCs on the other days??

I do this twice per week at the moment (1 hour on the train 30 minutes walking). I won’t pretend I’m not frazzled but I have 3 young kids and by the looks of it everyone with young kids is frazzled as there’s lots of people telling you they couldn’t do it.

I find the train journey productive so not wasted time (I get a seat - that’s important). I do my school admin, catch up on WhatsApps, shop online for the things kids need.

I’m actually less tired on commuting days as I leave the house before the kids are up and get home when they’re in the bath. My DH usually goes to bed early with a headache those days!

I wouldn’t want to do more than two days as I need the flexibility of being at home to attend things at school, facilitate clubs after school, to stick a washload on, but two days works. I do have a DH at home who after several years of training is competent to manage the kids and evening put a washload on. He WFH on the days I have to be in the office.

I used to do 4 hours (3 hour coach, 20 mins one end, 40 mins other end) starting when my kids were 4 and 2. It’s doable but exhausting after a few years and more than 2 days is a killer.

DH still does 3 hours (1.45 train plus travel both ends) including five days a week when on nights and its possible. Most weeks he does 3 or 4 days. You get used to it fast.

I pretty much do this commute and it’s tough going but my boss also says that if I want to work on the train etc then it all counts. I am senior though so I have more flexibility over my hours. I would consider if that’s an option to you?

I Like my job but even though I can hack the commute, I wouldn’t do it again for the next role.

edited to add: two days a week

Every day, absolutely not.

1-2 days a week for my ideal role, yes.

Two days a week seems fine.
The morning will be covered by partner and you'll get back in time to help with bed.
Assuming the one hour is one train and doesn't involve a change you can nap a bit, relax or get some work done.

But that includes exercise, some 'self care' i.e. time without being asked to make breakfast and you can just sit on your own with a coffee listening to an audiobook or something. Bliss!

I have had exactly the same commute for 5 years OP, as it’s the only way to live near family and earn a higher wage.

For me, at 2 days a week it’s manageable and worth it for the significantly higher pay than I’d get for the same job locally.

I am mindful that when we have children, we will need wraparound care (DH is in a senior and sensitive role so can’t just drop things to do childcare at 5pm). So I can’t comment on how you’d manage it with children and any childcare you might need, but otherwise it’s fine.