Is this a good result?

[underthetrees1234]

New poster. DD (21) plead guilty for perverting course of justice. Three charges, concurrent etc. First offence, MH issues etc and she got 18 months suspended for 18 months and 12 month Mental health treatment requirement. I didn’t have chance to ask solicitor/ barrister what he thought on result but I just think this seems a little harsh? I thought a community order. I won’t go into much detailed but she told multiple lies etc to police. NO one was arrested as a result of her lies. she had MH issues. Probation recommend community order so I I think this seems harsh tbh. Any one any experience.

Then her sentence was very fair as her actions could have had very serious ramifications.

Just be happy she's not behind bars.

Just because no one got arrested doesn’t mean that they weren’t spoken to by the police / put under stress due to the allegations and possibly caused problems with family / friends / their work place. Your DD although ill made serious allegations against these people. The good news is that your DD has been given a suspended sentence and MH support so will be getting help and providing she doesn’t repeat this behaviour won’t be called to prison.

The other thing worth remembering OP is that dealing with a person like this makes you used to their behaviour and their behaviour becomes less shocking the more conditioned you get to it. So rationally you know the lies are shocking, but because you're almost immune to their severity, it sounds like you're shocked yourself that she has got this sentence. You're just so used to her lies you don't even realise their severity. You would be wise to get some professional help yourself, before your child drags you into another situation where you become an accessory to her lies and get yourself a criminal record and lose friends.

Thank you for this. I did not know about DD crime until it all came out. I know the cancer lie is bad but it is not crime to lie about cancer unless she benefited financially but she didn’t etc. she got no money time of work etc etc.

Thanks for this. It’s just so difficult as she is my world and I love her endlessly and as a mother I just help but feel it’s my fault. I raised her didn’t I.

Again, you are treading on thin ice. Be careful. It is illegal even if she doesnt benefit financially. It is lying and all of it is bad. And you are involving yourself in ti. You are treading on thin ice OP and you will get dragged under with your kid if you don't give your head a serious wobble. I say that with a lot of love.

It might not be a crime to lie about having cancer but it's disgusting. Think of the sadness and worry she (and also you by backing up her lie) could have caused in family members, friends etc. And think how people who actually have cancer might feel about someone lying for attention. It's totally reprehensible.

Thank you again. The police are aware she lied and no action was taken.

Thats exactly why you need therapy. In the kindest way possible, you are not that important in your child's life. No one is. Just like a child's success is not purely due to one parent, but lots of factors, same goes for sickness and bad decisions. It is difficult to accept, but you are not that important so as to be the reason for this. You are taking on a lot of guilt and it's not healthy. You didn't cause this, but you are enabling this. It is not your job to rescue her from this. It's your job to be a steady presence that is healthy mentally and the only way you can do that is by getting help.

That does not mean it wasn't illegal. That means it didn't make the threshold for crown prosecution service to action, but it is part of the overall picture. It's not up to the police to press charges. The police gather evidence and CPS decide if it's going to court.
I really hope this situation serves as a wakeup call for you as well op. I fear you have got so used to her behaviour, you really don't understand how serious it is. Also, even if something is legal, it can still be bad and the start of behaviour that leads to breaking the law.

I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.

And that you do too,OP.

Right you need to wake up. Big time. You are still trying to minimise and defend what she did. I would imagine this has contributed to her issues over the years if you have parented like this

That's lying because she never had cancer in the first place to be in remission for! That's screwed up.

You are lying about her having cancer!!! Absolutely repulsive behaviour. Stop enabling her lies

yup and its easy for OP to say I felt bad, couldn't say she lied, but actually the OP will no doubt like the sympathy people will give her when they say omg I'm so sorry you must be so worried. I'm sure it's not easy for someone to deal with a child that has MH issues to this scale, and OP is probably desperate for people to give them sympathy. Sadly the reality is people are much more likely to give genuine comfort to someone who has a child with cancer than an unattractive MH problem. It's sad all around. I hope OP gets some therapy

Can I have this thread deleted please as it could be outed and I’ve revealed too much.

OP what mental health issues do you have and have you ever had help?

You think you're the only person in the world with this issue?

Or… you haven’t got the response you wanted and are embarrassed you’ve been called out.

lying about cancer is heinous. It’s shocking you are going along with it.

Its getting extremely boring on here that the minute people dont get the answers they want, they ask for the thread to be deleted.

I don't know why people bother posting on aibu, as more often than not, they don't want to hear they are being unreasonable

Yes, I imagine it would be hard for you to explain to your friends and family that you lied about your daughter having had cancer.

You were very keen to keep the thread going earlier, OP. You bumped it at 19:23 because nobody had replied for 10 minutes.

My DD made false allegations against me. Triggered by spite, pettiness and anger. I was arrested, detained in a police cell for 21 hours and interviewed under caution before the police decided no further action. My mental and physical health have deteriorated significantly since this ordeal. I have a nine-year-old I have to stay alive for but I live now in a state of trauma. I will never forgive my DD1 for her egregious lies and I will never be the functional person I was before I spent 21 hours in a police cell. All actions have consequences.

Doing things like that ruins peoples' lives. She is lucky she didn't get a harsher punishment.
So young and already in so much trouble. If she wants a future she needs to sort herself out.