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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel physically repulsed by my husband

89 replies

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 10:59

I feel awful admitting it but I just cant
hes currently unemployed playing video games, with such exertion that he’s panting like a dog.
He’s horrid to me
and honestly 🤮🤮🤮

OP posts:
oldclock · 05/11/2025 10:59

Do you have kids or any reason to stay? No-one should be horrible to you.

Guavafish1 · 05/11/2025 11:00

is he looking for work?

PollyBell · 05/11/2025 11:01

Then leave

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 11:02

He doesn’t let me sleep in my own bed for 5 years
he guilts me
he throws away my clothes
my family don’t visit anymore
my house is a shothole
I just want to weep

OP posts:
LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 11:04

I’m trying to leave but we jointly (stupidly) own the house he’s never paid into
interest rates have gone up and despite affording it all alone I on paper can’t afford it alone
i xant afford a solicitor I am absolutely buggered

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 05/11/2025 11:04
GIF by Slice

😭😭

YANBU

LTB IMMEDIATELY, HE'S A WALKING SITTING ICK!

Edit - just seen your follow up posts. Its no longer funny and you deserve better ❤️

Sassylovesbooks · 05/11/2025 11:06

I assume you work full-time and are currently paying all the bills? Is he doing more of the household chores? Is he looking for work? Do you have children? It sounds as if you've come to the end of the road, and perhaps divorce would be the better option? Could you manage on your own salary, and half of the marital assets (assuming you have a mortgage)? Even if he's not currently working, any pension he's accrued would be included within the marital assets (as would yours be).

RosaMundi27 · 05/11/2025 11:07

Honour your own feelings of repulsion and start divorcing him. He sounds really nasty and abusive. Maybe start by getting in touch with your family and tell them the situation you're in and ask for their help. Be honest about how awful he is.
There are charities who help women in your situation too, like Women's Aid.
You do deserve to have a nice life, and deep down you know it won't be with him.

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 11:14

Yes to children which just makes it even harder

OP posts:
dontlikethings · 05/11/2025 11:16

Contact Womens Aid.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/11/2025 11:18

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 11:14

Yes to children which just makes it even harder

It also makes it more important that you find the £500 to start divorce proceedings

IsThisIt39 · 05/11/2025 11:19

You don’t owe it to anyone to waste anymore time with this man, he sounds controlling and repulsive. You deserve better.

anytipswelcome · 05/11/2025 11:52

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 11:02

He doesn’t let me sleep in my own bed for 5 years
he guilts me
he throws away my clothes
my family don’t visit anymore
my house is a shothole
I just want to weep

My love his behaviour is so awful it’s literally criminal - him refusing to allow you to sleep soundly, throwing away your belongings and isolating you from your loved ones is coercive control.

Please contact women’s aid to talk to them about how to safely exit this relationship while keeping you and your children safe.

Swiftie1878 · 05/11/2025 11:54

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 11:04

I’m trying to leave but we jointly (stupidly) own the house he’s never paid into
interest rates have gone up and despite affording it all alone I on paper can’t afford it alone
i xant afford a solicitor I am absolutely buggered

Just walk away.
Leave it all behind.
Start again (with better choices).

Good luck x

JFDIYOLO · 05/11/2025 11:55

Stop telling yourself you're buggered and can't leave. As soon as you do that you're backing yourself into a corner because you've fixed your own mindset and you're condemning yourself and your children to this life.

Tell yourself instead you CAN get away, and create a life you want and love for your family away from this man.

You've described him:

Controlling where you sleep and denying you the bed - do you actually have a place to sleep?

Throwing out your clothes - does he tell you what you can and can't wear?

Isolating you from family and friends - how has he managed that?

The behaviour you're describing is abuse. You say he's horrible to you - it doesn't have to be physical violence to be classed as abuse.

Focus on what you can do.

Find out if there's a family solicitor in your area who offers a free half hour consultation on separation and divorce. They can tell you what your rights are.

Look at your finances. What is the household income and the bills? Do you work? Have you any savings? A pension? Are you claiming any benefits you're entitled to? Open an account in your name only and start saving.

Reach out to family and friends. Tell them exactly what's happening and ask for support and help.

Contact Women's Aid - they specialise in this.

Changing how you think will help you feel more in control of how you feel, which will help you start to take action.

This is your and your children's future you're going to be changing and improving. You don't have to suffer it any longer.

womensaid.org.uk/

Needaglowup · 05/11/2025 11:56

Why can’t you sleep in your bed ? This is abuse ! You need to get out ..start putting money away .. and then leave ! You can deal with everything often

SwanSong30 · 05/11/2025 11:58

throwing away your clothes and not letting you sleep in your own bed is abusive. Contact women’s aid for advice. If you have Instagram, have a look at The Legal Queen. She specialises in family law and does lots of videos on divorce, court orders and child arrangement orders.

NET145 · 05/11/2025 12:01

Start saving as much as you possibly can separately to him which will give you a choice in the future even if you can’t do much today. Make a plan and focus on making it happen one day. Get as many free legal initial appointments in as you can

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 05/11/2025 12:06

You can leave.

I left with 3 small children and not a penny to my name.

LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 05/11/2025 12:06

Thank you all. I’ve secured a promotion that I can start in 3 months. I work full time yes. I sleep on a bunk bed with my daughter
I just feel so on the floor

OP posts:
Icanflyhigh · 05/11/2025 12:09

You can and should make plans to leave as soon as possible. Speak to Women's Aid as others have suggested and start to formulate a plan.

Ask yourself what you would tell someone else in your position, and consider what you are teaching your daughter is acceptable behaviour.

You are worth so much more than this - he is clearly abusing you and using coercive control to keep you where he thinks you should be.

I'm sorry you're going through this, is there anyone in your family who will help you and support you to get away from this vile creature?

Needaglowup · 05/11/2025 12:11

He wants you on the floor !! He knows you deserve better , you’re obviously an intelligent woman you can do this on your own And he knows it , his life would be so much harder if you weren’t there . just think do you really wanna be in the same situation five years from now.

flutterby1 · 05/11/2025 12:15

Just because it will be complicated, doesn’t mean you can’t leave x

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 05/11/2025 12:29

At the end of the day you're choosing to stay.

Starlight7080 · 05/11/2025 12:29

This is crazy . Would it be so bad to save a months rent/deposit. And move out with your kids. Start fresh and leave him to deal with the house ? . Maybe he will agree to sell it then . It doesnt sound like he will make much effort with he children.

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