To feel physically repulsed by my husband

[LeopardPrintIsNeutral]

I feel awful admitting it but I just cant
hes currently unemployed playing video games, with such exertion that he’s panting like a dog.
He’s horrid to me
and honestly 🤮🤮🤮

It’s ok, we need to come up with an escape plan.

You need to sit down. Start calling women’s aid and have meetings.

You have the funds, so you can force sale of the property and use your half to start again with your little girl.

You will look back at this decision and be happy.

The first step is the hardest but it’s time to quietly without him knowing start planning your escape route x

No, no, no my darling - it makes it easier - you have to leave for THEM. They should not see this model of a family every day, you, driven to desperation and he is playing games? You should definitely leave.

I’m in the UK - maybe i do have womens aid then, im very confused
I just need to chunk it into small easier to manage steps

If you do not even like him then get a divorce. Life is too short to waste on staying with a person you not only don't love but don't even like and actively dislike.

LTB. The sooner the better. All the strength for you, and all the best for you and your DD.

Thank you
I just don’t know where to begin

Google ‘Women’s Aid Helpline’, select the country in the U.K. you’re in, ring the number. They also have an email address if you feel more comfortable writing things down.

You need to leave him - that's no way to live. Or rather, you need to kick him out of your house. Are you married? What country are you in?

Pack his bags and lock him out. He will be too lazy to do anything about it.

You can usually see a lawyer for 30 mins or so free of charge. That would be a good starting point.

Yes that’s what you need to do.

Start planning your escape plan.

Women’s charities can signpost you. So you can start figuring out how to leave.

Getting hour finance in order.

Looking for a cheap place to rent.

instructing a solicitor to force sale of the property etc not necessarily in the order.

I can’t recall if you’ve said you’re married. If you are you need a divorce lawyer. If you are not you need a property lawyer because you jointly own it.

Start making appointments with places. That’s your starting point.

This relationship definitely needs to end.

You need legal advice on how to get the house - it will likely have to be sold and split.

I have a friend who’s GF broke up with him but she refuses to leave the home.
It was in his name but as she has his child she couldn’t legally be kicked out.
He had to move out and rent, as well as pay the mortgage as she refused and it took years of going through court to finally get his house back.

As you are married it’s half his house and so I do not think you can ask him to leave at all.

Speak to women’s aid and see where you stand but it is likely that you’ll have to move out and then start divorce proceedings to get the house sold and separated.

This may take years so don’t expect anything to happen overnight but at least you’ll be moving forward.
If you had done this 5 years ago, you’d already be divorced, settled and happily single or in a new relationship.

What is he like as a father?
I’m struggling to imagine him being a decent one considering he makes his child’s mum sleep in her bedroom but it’s mad that you are working FT whilst he is unemployed.
If he’s a half decent father then he should be the one doing the majority of the parenting whilst you are sorting your new life out.

Can you reach out to your family OP? anyone?

It’s ok, baby steps.

Call or email ‘women’s aid helpline’ they will
assist with how to leave him, alternative accommodation, any benefits you
may be entitled to when you become a single parent etc.

Because you have an asset, If you’re married search for divorce lawyers near you and book a free consultation. If you are not married then a property lawyer. You need to get your money out of that asset, that’s yours and you will need it for a fresh start.

Start with those and take it from there. Deep
breaths and baby steps x

Essentially you are at the gathering information stage, it’s not practical for you to
just up and leave tomorrow when you have a child and mortgage.

So you need to consult and get information first and then use that to plan your escape route with your ducks in order. By the time you’ve done all
that you can execute your plan.

Why won't he let you sleep in your own bed/with him?

Call Women's Aid.
Get hold of all financial records so you know the state of the finances.
Securely collect important documents like childre's birth certificates and passports.

He sounds controlling.

I hope you can get support.

Why is everyone telling the OP to leave the house? She pays for everything and she's the one suffering.
That great idle lump needs removing ASAP. Womens Aid will advise you as to how this can be done .

He needs to leave, not you. Call the domestic abuse helpline.

Could you contact your mortgage company and ask for a payment break? This would give you funds for a solicitor. As other people on here have said you need to contact Women's Aid or a local service.

Why will he not allow you to sleep in your own bed with him? Not that I imagine you'd even want to by this stage, but why not? How old is your child?

Does he do the full time childcare while you work? Because if not, I would just tell him he has to leave. Let him be the one to take you to court and force you to sell the house for his half. It doesn't sound as if he has either the energy or the brains to take on a legal fight and if you can't afford a lawyer then he certainly can't. Send him back to his mother. What will happen with the house will happen, but let it all drag out as slowly as you can, for as long as you can. Don't make it easy for him out of some misplaced sense of guilt or duty.

Why would you waste your life on him, why has he got so much control over your life, no bed, no friends, no family, house falling apart.
I hope you find the strength to leave the smelly waster.
If you can't find the strength in yourself, do it for your children.

You are a victim of domestic violence. ( coercive control) get it logged with the police. Keep diaries. Then contact a solicitor and you will get legal aid. Good luck. It won’t be easy but there will be light at the end of the tunnel

This
You are being abused in the extreme OP
You need legal advice immediately
Don't waste a second more
PLEASE

Let him know that you have spoken to womens aid and the police about his coercion, let him know you'll be reporting any further actions with the police, it would be in his interest to go quietly.

Log it with the non emergency police, ask for a meeting to discuss it.

You definitely need support to do this, womens aid will help.

Do not do this. He could escalate do everything as quietly as you can.