To think my husband, son and daughter shouldn't have 'staged an intervention'?

[SoniaSwanners]

Last night, my husband, adult son and adult daughter and I were all in our car and my son saw a small pizza box under one of the seats. I'd had a pizza the day before, while on my own - as a treat. My son said, 'Mum, you've got to start eating more healthily, we all want you to live as long as possible and it's not good for your health to eat junk food', and there then followed an hour and a half of husband, son and daughter all saying:

• I'm overweight
• I should be worried about becoming Type 2 diabetic
• I should be worried about my blood pressure
• I keep saying I need to lose weight and eat healthily and then I don't do it
• I keep saying I want to treat myself occasionally, but then treat myself whenever I feel like it.
• It's easy to eat healthily - you just make sensible choices; what's so hard about it?
• I shouldn't make excuses or deflect - I should just do it and sort myself out.
• they're only going on at me about it because they care about me.

Now, all of this is maybe true. I have massive willpower in every other area of my life, but not in relation to food. I have always eaten too much and not as healthily as I should have. However...

• I swim every single day if I can, for an hour, which is very good exercise.
• I eat healthily (cooked from scratch meals, very healthy) most of the time
• my 'vices' are: lack of portion control, tending to finish off leftovers, and too many takeaways/meals out.

I felt very attacked and berated and kind of assaulted from all sides when they spent 90 minutes hectoring me about it last night - and felt a bit scared when they said, 'It's easy - just make different choices', because it might be easy for others, but it's decidedly not easy for me, psychologically - which is why I've never done it properly before.

Am I being unreasonable, and are they just trying to help me/ensure I live for as long as possible? Or is there something off/wrong about suddenly laying into someone over their weight/eating habits?

Probably not the best way to approach this with someone, but I suspect it came from a place of love and support. Sounds like you’ve potentially got a great support network to keep you on track if you do want to do something.
My opinion on this is also probably affected by how overweight you are too - I’d say probably unreasonable to mention it if you are a size 14. Probably unreasonable not to mention it (albeit not in this environment) if your a size 30 🤷‍♀️

There’s a cafe opposite work. They sell amazing cake, filled croissants, massive sandwiches. I might occasionally get something for lunch as a treat, were it a pizza shop, I’d do the same, or Greggs, or Subway, or McDonalds. Pretty key to know if the pizza was as well as a meal or was the meal and was it eaten ‘in secret’ as some posters have claimed or was it on the hop, whilst going somewhere so the OP would otherwise have missed lunch?

Posters saying ‘a whole pizza’ are maybe a touch dramatic when the OP says it was small one. I wouldn’t consider that terrible as a rare treat for lunch.

I'm about 2 stone overweight. The pizza was my lunch, not additional to meals. And there was nothing secret about it! I never eat secretly. I just had the carton still in my car because I hadn't got round to taking it to the bin yet!

In answer to one q - I don't drink any alcohol apart from maybe a cocktail every few months. Not interested in alcohol at all. All my family drink to excess in my opinion. When I mentioned that, they said I was 'deflecting'!

2 stone is over 12kg. That's a huge amount - almost certainly obese territory, not just a bit plump.

That's a lot of information to leave out of your OP!

I'm really not surprised they're worried, I'd definitely be concerned if a relative of mine was that overweight. Their method of delivery wasn't great, but it sounds like it was needed - and I agree with them, you did deflect on the alcohol. The topic was about you being overweight (significantly so) and you tried to talk to them about something else.

I would not be prepared to discuss this for 90 minutes with anyone in the world, let alone three of them ganging up. Two stone overweight is overweight but probably how at least half the mums in the UK are, and it's not necessary to go on and on and on. Also, are they all a perfect BMI? I wouldn't be taking lectures from them. Sometimes I grab food on the way home and it's less than ideal.

I also don't think it's a good idea for your husband to lead the children 'against' you on this- he's not prepared to look at his own drinking or other aspects of lifestyle.

Should you, like 60 to 70% of the population, according to the latest calculations, be thinner? Undoubtedly yes. But no-one got thinner being nagged for 90 min and so after 5 mins I'd be telling them that's enough, you heard what they have to say, you know you would ideally eat healthier, and that everyone could reflect on their own lifestyles and choices just as you will be in the future. End of.

They wouldn’t say these things to be spiteful so it sounds like they are genuinely worried.
Hidden pizza boxes even if you aren’t hiding what you eat does arouse suspicion that you’re binging.

Enjoying food is fine if you balance out with enough exercise but sounds like your regime isn’t effective, can you look at different forms of exercise and perhaps a healthier balance of food.

It sounds like your family care a lot for you.

A whole pizza for one person for lunch isn’t a normal or healthy meal. They have right to be concerned and maybe you should listen to them.

health is wealth.

Here's the new BMI calculator, perhaps many people on this thread may find they also are over into the overweight or obese categories, especially as we age. Already nearly 60% of women are classified as overweight/obese even before these new calculations:

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-15198579/obese-overweight-BMI-rules-simple-graphic-weight.html

A whole pizza for lunch is a LOT if you’re also having an evening meal and snacks.
And you ARE deflecting by bringing up their alcohol consumption. Stop minimising and take some responsibility and some steps forward to addressing your issues. I really do mean this kindly. Fuzzy tip-toeing around issues like this is pointless.

And to others saying that lecturing never helped anyone lose weight - maybe it didn’t but maybe it sparked something that spurred someone on to make the first steps in their journey.

Responsibility for yourself and your struggles is key. And doing the hard work to face them.

This is far from the truth and it sounds like it’s hit a nerve for you.

Of course her husband and children are concerned and they’re not doing it to be spiteful or bully her.

If they’re witnessing unhealthy food habits they’re bound to be concerned for her health due to the fact she’s very over weight.

Being over weight kills people and as loved family members I’m sure they want to see their mum/partner live a long healthy life.

All my family drink to excess in my opinion.

Your husband & kids?

How much do they drink?

Do you want to lose weight, OP? Does your weight make you sad?

If so, then that’s why they have said what they have said. It must be very frustrating to live with a very overweight person who doesn’t want to be overweight but does nothing to help themselves. Such as having a takeaway pizza in the car for lunch on a regular Tuesday.

Only you can decide to either stay the way you are or change. Either is fine, it’s personal choice. But don’t say one thing and do another.

Depending on your height, “about two stone overweight” could mean you are obese.

Maybe have a chat with GP?

YANBU based on your update imo.

My DH was a bit like this. He was similarly overweight and would stash food wrappers away, or eat huge amounts at work/in his car and not say anything. Not secret eating as such, but not admitting the truth either.

He was recently rushed to hospital with dangerously high blood sugar, now has Type 2 Diabetes and is on insulin and metformin for life.

I know it's not nice to hear but your family are right to be concerned about you.

See, me personally, I wouldn’t class this as grossly overweight. I’m 2 stone over the top of my recommended BMI and it gives me a BMI of 29 but I still wear size 12 clothes so I personally don’t feel that’s huge. Is there another reason they are so concerned? Health? Diabetes? Blood pressure? If not then I would tell them to mind their own business!

I am not sure that two stone overweight warranted the attack of that length unless there are other health related issues which you have not disclosed. Not particularly healthy to be 2 stone overweight and it would be better if you were of a more normal weight, but they obviously have concerns. The ball is in your court to decide what you want to do, if anything.

my 'vices' are: lack of portion control, tending to finish off leftovers, and too many takeaways/meals out.

Concentrate on this bit. I am exactly the same and just don't know when to tell myself NO.
Earlier this summer I decided enough was enough and started having my main meal at 1pm and once that was gone I eat nothing until breakfast the next day. I'm pretty much an all or nothing type and this has actually worked wonders for all of the above things you have listed. I've also lost 2 stone since I started. There's no time like now to get started.

They are your family, they love and care about you, clearly someone needs to tell you and what they’re saying is the truth.

No I don't think they should have gone on at you for that length of time.

Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, I'm around 2 stone overweight as well. I do try to be healthy but fail dismally sometimes too. BUT, the big difference is that my family wouldn't dare do that. They know I'm trying, but crucially they do know that I do try.

You are fat. Therefore everything you do is unreasonable according to mumsnet.

So around 13 kgs. That is a lot. You are definitely obese so ,yes, YABU and your family did the right the thing by bringing it up and sharing their concerns.

The difference is you are trying while OP is eating pizza in the car.

Are you eligible for mounjaro?

Maybe OP doesn’t want to be encouraged.

OP assuming your family said what they did with the best intentions- how could they actually have said it. Or is your view that regardless they can all get to fuck and you’ll eat what you want.