To think my husband, son and daughter shouldn't have 'staged an intervention'?

[SoniaSwanners]

Last night, my husband, adult son and adult daughter and I were all in our car and my son saw a small pizza box under one of the seats. I'd had a pizza the day before, while on my own - as a treat. My son said, 'Mum, you've got to start eating more healthily, we all want you to live as long as possible and it's not good for your health to eat junk food', and there then followed an hour and a half of husband, son and daughter all saying:

• I'm overweight
• I should be worried about becoming Type 2 diabetic
• I should be worried about my blood pressure
• I keep saying I need to lose weight and eat healthily and then I don't do it
• I keep saying I want to treat myself occasionally, but then treat myself whenever I feel like it.
• It's easy to eat healthily - you just make sensible choices; what's so hard about it?
• I shouldn't make excuses or deflect - I should just do it and sort myself out.
• they're only going on at me about it because they care about me.

Now, all of this is maybe true. I have massive willpower in every other area of my life, but not in relation to food. I have always eaten too much and not as healthily as I should have. However...

• I swim every single day if I can, for an hour, which is very good exercise.
• I eat healthily (cooked from scratch meals, very healthy) most of the time
• my 'vices' are: lack of portion control, tending to finish off leftovers, and too many takeaways/meals out.

I felt very attacked and berated and kind of assaulted from all sides when they spent 90 minutes hectoring me about it last night - and felt a bit scared when they said, 'It's easy - just make different choices', because it might be easy for others, but it's decidedly not easy for me, psychologically - which is why I've never done it properly before.

Am I being unreasonable, and are they just trying to help me/ensure I live for as long as possible? Or is there something off/wrong about suddenly laying into someone over their weight/eating habits?

I think they should be told to mind their own business.

As for comparing over eating to alcohol and other drug addictions that’s ridiculous. The harm done to the addict’s family is enormous!

Telling people they need to
lose weight is smug and bullying.

What’s even worse is disguising it as concern.

Nothing about this ‘intervention’ would help OP lose weight and the family are insensitive and uncaring to have done this.

As if overweight people don’t already know!

Your post is absolutely full of excuses.. ‘yes I’m overweight but I do healthy things so I’m still healthy’ Overweight is not healthy and it will lead to long term health problems.. they may not have gone about in a sensitive way but they are talking sense.

This poster has a really strange posting history. Three long posts with very intricately explained issues which she's asking for advice or opinions on, all posted at around the same time of day but all a couple of months apart, and yet no further engagement AT ALL with any of the responses to her, on any of the threads.

Most odd.

I swear it's someone's job to sit and do this all day on MN to keep the board moving.

Only you know your family to know if they are bullying or genuinely worried.
If it was my family I'm 100% they meant good even if the way they delivered wasn't great.

It does hurt when others point out your struggles though.
Only you can decide if you use what happened as fuel for a bigger change or to feel victim and powerless.

Very challenging to pass judgement if we don't have a vital piece of information: how much do you weigh? What is your BMI ?
At any rate, I think they are making a very valid point. You may treat yourself to a biscuit, or an ice cream. But to hide from everybody inside your car and gobble a freaking pizza and to not even bother to throw the box away ? That triggers more red flags that I can count.
You would do well in listening to them and start fixing your obesity. They seem genuinely concerned because they love you. It must have not been easy for them to bring this up and the felt compelled to action when they discovered the pizza box.

You don’t mention your weight /bmi and if any health issues.
Secret eating a pizza in car and hiding box under seat rather than just taking in house to put in bin/recycling is odd behaviour.

Why don't you make an appointment with a nutritionist to find out if you're really as healthy as you think you are?

Do you think that getting on her case about it will help though? If I had everyone giving me grief about something I'd be more likely to do it again, especially if its a comfort habit

How much do you weigh then?

How overweight are you OP?

When you say there was a small pizza box in your car, what sort of size was the pizza? I LOVE my food, but have never considered eating a pizza in my car! And I'm not some skinny waif, I've eaten a medium Maccies drive through meal in the car for example. But never a pizza.

Having seen friends lose loved ones who were heavy smokers for decades to lung cancer, and who I know begged with their loved one to stop smoking, I can't see how this is very different really.

Unless you come back and tell us you are actually a healthy weight and your family are all abusive gas lighters, I'm going to assume they all love you very much and want you to be healthy.

But will a joint attack on her achieve this?

But we all know you can’t lecture someone to stop taking drugs/ smoking / gambling or alcohol, we all know it doesn’t work. Food, drugs, alcohol can only be managed when the person is ready to manage it for themselves. Lecturing / nagging / demanding/ encouraging someone to look after their own health normally leads to more stealthy behaviour. Any addiction needs specialist management not concerned family members.
What vices do your offspring and husband have? I’ve yet to meet a perfect human, so I’d be tempted with something like dh you stop your weekend beer and I’ll keep my calories under control. Son you stop shagging around for a week and I’ll reduce my calorie intake dd you clear up after yourself and I’ll watch what I eat…
they’ll quickly realise how shit it is being criticised, and probably deny any such behaviour!
ultimately we can’t change another adults behaviour, that change has to come from within.

Listen to your family.

It’s a tricky, on one hand I can really understand you feeling very much under attack.

How heavy or overweight are you?

Well for a start I would try to make my own takeaway meal. You can put less cheese etc in it, while not avoiding eating what you like. Just limit it to smaller potions. And if you have a bad day, accept it enjoy your food then start again the next day.

I'd be quite worried if my kids were that concerned for me. Eating a pizza in your car is a bit "secret eater".

You've said nothing on your thread @SoniaSwanners, have they got you in a straight jacket now?

You left out the crucial details - your height & weight.

Maybe you ate the pizza in secret because they're a bunch of creatine-obsessed gym bunnies who delight in making you feel guilty about eating anything tasty. Maybe you eat in secret because you're already morbidly obese, who knows?

You're asking for something or other here but on the basis of your post, nobody can offer an informed opinion. One thing to remember though, the "you can be healthy at any weight" fad is sugar industry-backed bullshit.

Hundreds of replies OP, do you have anything to say in response? @SoniaSwanners

@SoniaSwanners does not seem to return to her threads

anyway hopefully my contribution has been helpful
to someone 🤷‍♀️

If you eating in secret, you have an issue with food and your family realise this. I expect you exoress that you would like to lose weight and then they get frustrated when you don’t seem to be doing anything about it.
its really tough, but eating a whole pizza by yourself is not the norm. Why don’t you start talking about how they can help you?

I think it's a difficult one without knowing all the circumstances, it sounds like there is an issue if she is secretly eating pizza in a car alone.

It sounds like they were coming from a loving place, if she is seriously overweight and not doing anything about it, they surely are right to worry and try to do something rather than just ignore the situation?

You eating a whole pizza in your car and excusing it as a “treat” and then discarding the evidence under the seat is extremely concerning. Hiding food indicates an eating disorder.

I’m not having a go - I’m fat AF right now. There’s multiple medical causes for the weight gain this time but I’ve always struggled. However, I’ve always been able to lose weight. This time I can’t.

You need to see a GP and get this under control.

Your eating habits are far from normal, are damaging you and worrying your family. Because it affects them too, they are justified in saying something to you.

Mounjaro exists now. For your own and your family’s sake, try it.

I am a bit of a sugar addict, definitely slight overweight but BMI under 30, a fair bit under I hope. I might buy a chocolate bar when I go to Tesco, but I think buying an entire pizza and eating it in the car as a treat is something else. They clearly care a lot about you and want to help and I hope you can try to see it from that perspective too eventually.