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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband, son and daughter shouldn't have 'staged an intervention'?

441 replies

SoniaSwanners · 05/11/2025 09:58

Last night, my husband, adult son and adult daughter and I were all in our car and my son saw a small pizza box under one of the seats. I'd had a pizza the day before, while on my own - as a treat. My son said, 'Mum, you've got to start eating more healthily, we all want you to live as long as possible and it's not good for your health to eat junk food', and there then followed an hour and a half of husband, son and daughter all saying:

  • I'm overweight
  • I should be worried about becoming Type 2 diabetic
  • I should be worried about my blood pressure
  • I keep saying I need to lose weight and eat healthily and then I don't do it
  • I keep saying I want to treat myself occasionally, but then treat myself whenever I feel like it.
  • It's easy to eat healthily - you just make sensible choices; what's so hard about it?
  • I shouldn't make excuses or deflect - I should just do it and sort myself out.
  • they're only going on at me about it because they care about me.

Now, all of this is maybe true. I have massive willpower in every other area of my life, but not in relation to food. I have always eaten too much and not as healthily as I should have. However...

  • I swim every single day if I can, for an hour, which is very good exercise.
  • I eat healthily (cooked from scratch meals, very healthy) most of the time
  • my 'vices' are: lack of portion control, tending to finish off leftovers, and too many takeaways/meals out.

I felt very attacked and berated and kind of assaulted from all sides when they spent 90 minutes hectoring me about it last night - and felt a bit scared when they said, 'It's easy - just make different choices', because it might be easy for others, but it's decidedly not easy for me, psychologically - which is why I've never done it properly before.

Am I being unreasonable, and are they just trying to help me/ensure I live for as long as possible? Or is there something off/wrong about suddenly laying into someone over their weight/eating habits?

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 05/11/2025 09:59

There's obviously saying it from a place of love they're not attacking you so I'd be looking at myself rather than them in this situation I think

DaisyDoodler · 05/11/2025 10:00

Personal question and sorry to ask OP but how overweight are you? If it’s a stone or so then they are being unreasonable, none of us are perfect, but if you are several stone overweight then they may all be genuinely worried for you and concerned about your health and in that case they are not being unreasonable.

popcornandpotatoes · 05/11/2025 10:01

I think if my children were that worried I would be listening

Redpeach · 05/11/2025 10:01

I'd have thought it's a bit odd to eat a whole pizza in the car alone as a treat

Holdonforsummer · 05/11/2025 10:02

I agree with the other posters - it kind of depends how overweight you are. BMI 29 = they need to chill out. BMI >35 they are right to be concerned and they did it in a nice way.

Brefugee · 05/11/2025 10:02

gently, OP, you recognise that you have issues around food, and it is rather lovely that your family love you enough to have done this.

You know that eating pizza in the car in secret is a problem. How about you all work as a family to have healthier attitudes around food?

it is hard, it is really hard to hear truths that you already know from people you love and who love you.

But they love you. Don't lose sight of that.

Belladog1 · 05/11/2025 10:03

They said it meaning well, but because you felt guilty you are taking it very personally.

Next time, throw out the pizza box !!!

I don't like it when someone picks up on my eating habits. I once ate an entire bag of Haribo without it touching the sides. I told my partner who I thought would laugh, only to have this monologue about too much sugar and I needed to eat 'real' food etc ... It really peed me off, but only because I felt guilty about it anyway.

amber763 · 05/11/2025 10:03

I think it depends if you are very overweight as a pp mentioned. It sounds like its came from a place of love and concern.

PollyBell · 05/11/2025 10:04

Well maybe they are sick of you talking about it all the time and or they care about you?

Gottocopebymyself · 05/11/2025 10:05

Redpeach · 05/11/2025 10:01

I'd have thought it's a bit odd to eat a whole pizza in the car alone as a treat

I agree with this.
And I admit I got sidetracked by the knowledge OP thought putting the empty box under a seat in the car rather than disposing of it was normal behaviour.

Tardigrade001 · 05/11/2025 10:05

If you don't find it easy to do by yourself then surely you need some form of "intervention"?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/11/2025 10:06

How awful of them to put you on the spot like that. I'm sorry you felt attacked.

Have you thought of trying Mounjaro? It's been a revelation to me, to discover that I don't feel like eating 24/7 since starting it.

moorishmangoes · 05/11/2025 10:07

YANBU. Since when did lecturing someone about losing weight result in them losing weight? Just telling you to lose weight isn’t going to change it. And it is YOUR decision.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/11/2025 10:07

Loads of people feel like this about people they love and wish they felt able to have this conversation. My SIL is eating herself into an early grave. She’s got various health issues caused solely by her excess weight, countless medical professionals have told her and she’s apparently always on a diet and lost half a stone but it’s the other 5+ stone that’s slowly killing her. It’s heartbreaking to witness and no one’s going to bother saying anything because she’s heard it from her doctors so it’s pointless but they feel as your family do.

You can’t swim secret pizzas away.

I hear that you’re hurting but you’re upset because you know they’re right and now you have to address it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/11/2025 10:08

I think it depends how overweight you are OP. It's not unreasonable to be concerned about a family members health if they're morbidly obese for example.

Saying that I don't think they did it in the best way - sharing their concerns and offering support is fine. Claiming something is easy just because they find it easy, even though loads of people clearly struggle, shows a lack of understanding and empathy. As is the 'just do it' mentality. They wouldn't say that to a smoker for example

GarlicBreadStan · 05/11/2025 10:08

I can't really vote fairly because I don't know the tone of voice they said it in. However, this is my take on it:

I have a really, very bad diet. It's improving a bit since I moved out of my stepdads house and me and my mum moved in to a new house together, because me and mum will take it in turns to cook for us, whereas I wasn't comfortable enough to cook when living with my stepdad.

Anyway, my partner has said to me multiple times: "I love how you look, but I'm worried about what you eat because it's not giving you enough nutrition and you will start to get poorly as you get older" (I'm probably deficient in a few things, and I keep forgetting to buy and take multivitamins to help even a little bit!)

Because he said it gently, my feelings weren't hurt, but I would be very hurt if he said to me the things your family said to you. Yes I'm overweight, but most of the time, people know that they are so pointing it out isn't a massive revelation to them (I'm not saying you ARE overweight, by the way, OP. I'm just stating this based on what your family said).

I exercise a lot more now (only walking, but I used to be very sedentary) which is putting my partner's mind at ease, but I do want to be able to eat more foods as well (I have sensory issues relating to texture).

My point is, is that this conversation is okay if it's done correctly. I don't think people can always protect the feelings of others, and some people do really well with being given tough love, but some people don't and the way they spoke to you would genuinely upset me

WonderlandWasAllAHoax · 05/11/2025 10:08

If my children were that concerned about me I think I would listen. I also don’t think it’s normal to sit in the car on your own and eat a pizza in secret.

DiscoBob · 05/11/2025 10:08

The problem with things like this is it seems like you are already eating 'in secret'. So the fact they've come down on you so hard might make you more determined to do it but be more subtle and hide the evidence.

Do you feel out of control? Like you're addicted to food? Do you eat emotionally? Would you consider WLI? They obviously don't understand how hard it can be to break an addiction. But with their support hopefully you can try and be healthier.

Thundertoast · 05/11/2025 10:10

That must have felt really difficult and hurtful, its really hard when you're put on the spot like that about something you already know is a problem. Give yourself some time to cool down from the initial hurt, then honestly assess yourself against what they are saying. They love you, and maybe I've misread the situation but I get the impression they might think you are deliberately secretly eating unhealthy food whilst noones looking?
There are a lot of amazing people on this site who have transformed their eating habits and changed their lives, so if you want some support working through it, people can absolutely help.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/11/2025 10:11

moorishmangoes · 05/11/2025 10:07

YANBU. Since when did lecturing someone about losing weight result in them losing weight? Just telling you to lose weight isn’t going to change it. And it is YOUR decision.

If it was alcohol or drugs would they be allowed to say something?

Weedinosaurus · 05/11/2025 10:12

I think you have issues around food - eating an entire pizza in a car alone and putting the box under a seat isn’t normal behaviour.
You also say you eat healthily most of the time and then say portion control and take aways are a problem.

Can I ask if you would have thought the same if they’d commented that you were underweight and worried that you didn’t eat enough?

I think it has triggered shame in you because you know you’re overweight and you know you don’t really eat healthily and perhaps you are kidding yourself a little but because really facing the truth is painful.

I think I would be listening to what they said as I do genuinely see it as them caring for you.

Maybe this is the wake up call you’ve needed to make some changes. Start looking at your relationship with food and its emotional impact and do some work/therapy around it. If you change and manage to control your eating and your weight then this can only positively impact your life. You’ve got nothing to lose here.

Also, no amount of exercise can undo the health damage of a bad diet.

Dozycuntlaters · 05/11/2025 10:15

It depends on so many factors

How overweight are you?

Do you go on about your weight and come up with plans and never stick to them?

Why were you eating pizza in your car. That doesnt sound like a treat, it sounds like a bit of a binge you're ashamed of.

Your family should be able to talk to you about important issues like this if you are vastly overweight and it's a worry. Swimming for an hour a day is good, but its not going to help with weight loss at all if your diet is not good.

NoisyMonster678 · 05/11/2025 10:17

They need to be careful when berating you about food.

Your family would have been better to have just let your DH speak to you one to one as they have caused you offence regarding a sensitive matter. Some people would comfort eat even more than they were before.

However, the points your family make are more than valid and legitimate.

Blisteringlycold · 05/11/2025 10:20

I've told one of my best friends the same. I love her I don't want to go to her funeral. I don't want to see her crying DH and DS.

It's hard.

Think about taking weight loss jabs as they can help adjust what your body craves.

HoppingPavlova · 05/11/2025 10:20

I guess it depends on how the box came to be in the car under a seat?

It’s not really typical to sit in a car and eat a pizza unless you are hiding? And why put the empty box under a seat rather than put it in the bin? Is it that you don’t want others to see it? This all throws up a flag.

However, I’d consider sitting on the couch eating one, then throwing the box in the household bin to be typical/normal and not worthy of worry.