To have been patronising to the Doctor?

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Sorry, I’ve just read this and it’s long but was very cathartic to write out!!

I have a kidney transplant. I’ve had it for nearly 10 years and was diagnosed with kidney failure after contracting an auto immune disease.

Ive therefore had a LOT of contact with various HCPs over this timeframe and am often taken aback by inappropriate/uneducated comments about it (one RENAL nurse once asked me if my kidneys failed because I ‘ate too much salty foods’ 🙄 .

I was given an emergency appointment this afternoon as I have a painful UTI. I don’t wait to see how these progress but always see GP at first sign as they have travelled to my transplanted kidney before.

Before The appointment I filled in all the online admin about why I was there, what I needed, if I had any conditions etc.

When I went in to see the doctor I started to explain that I’d had some urgency around the toilet. Before I could go any further he interrupted with a ‘let me stop you there…’ and asked me if I was dehydrated, did I do pelvic floor post birth, asked why I had jumped to conclusions that it was a UTI…

I started talking again and explained that I had many before, the feeling was the same … I noticed he wasn’t listening at this point and was looking at his phone. He interrupted again and said he was reluctant to prescribe anything and UTIs can build tolerances…I started to then interrupt him but he put up his hand and went ‘bubububub’ to stop me talking.

He said did I have any pain? I said yes, I was concerned as the pain had travelled up to my kidney and pointed to my pelvis.

He immediately looked very smug and said ‘dear, your kidneys are around your back… i think if the pain is there it may just be your period, or perhaps you pulled a muscle’? He started to stand up and talked about coming back in a week if it hadn’t improved.

At this point I interrupted again and said, in an equally patronising tone ‘dear, you’re right, my non working native kidneys ARE on my back, but my transplanted kidney is at the front and I’m pretty sure I’m at very high risk of hospitalisation if it travels there, which it very much can do as my unrinary tract is shortened’

He spluttered at this point and very abruptly pulled me up for not having mentioned my transplant. I said ‘if you’d have let me finish any one of my sentences or reviewed my notes, you would know this’.

He did end up writing a prescription but tried to have the last word by saying as I walked out ‘next time please do make it very clear you have a transplant’. To which I told him next time to please read the patients notes.

Honestly I’m so sick of being talked over, told what problems might be or even someone trying to tell me (again, GP!!) that I now only had one kidney as I’d had a transplant!!

I despair for anyone who isn’t very well versed in their own conditions and has to navigate these situations and take the word of doctors as gospel!

So AIBU to have replied patronisingly (I NEVER do this and am not quite as quick to quip back as I was today) and should I complain to the practise manager? I don’t know if it’s just the straw that’s broken the camels back!!

and to add, I have some wonderful nurses and doctors on my teams who are amazing which I do recognise!

My husband told the GP to read his notes last week when she wasn't listening to him. She did apologise though

I think you were right with what you did.

However for the future I think you should walk in and say you have a transplanted kidney as you sit down.

I suppose it's hard to read notes in a short appointment.

YANBU and you should complain

Well done OP. He sounds like a patronising arse, and you handed him his!

A lot of doctors have God complex. In it for the money and status, nothing to do with compassion, unfortunately.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. You have recurrent UTIs and clearly know what they feel like, and this clown was telling you it must be your period. Patronising, and reeks of medical misogyny.

Tell the practice manager. The GP was rude and unprofessional cutting you off while you tried to explain - this meant his services were substandard - could have potentially ended in a serious medical situation. There are some great medics around but sadly some smug medics who fail to listen properly

I was going to say YABU, but actually, in the circumstances, I don't blame you in the slightest. You had to get that info through. To make your life easier in the future, you might go straight to "I have a background of a renal transplant, and I am concerned I have a UTI". That way they know the key bit of info, and that you're likely to be an expert patient, right at the start. And yes, the IT systems should run well enough for that info to be at their fingertips, but if their systems are half as bad as our hospital ones, finding the key data is a bloody nightmare.

It’s ridiculous sometimes

my conversation is always
me “I have autoimmune neutropenia”
doctor “why?”
(I haven’t found a cure for autoimmune conditions yet?)
doctor “but you aren’t neutropenic on your blood today?”
(it’s a miracle, I’m cured!)
doctor “I think you’re wrong, it only happens in children”
doctor rings my consultant
consultant rants for 10 mins about listening to the patient and that I do in fact have that condition and I might be ok bloods wise today but that doesn’t mean I’m cured
doctor “anyway”

This is terrible, but as an aside (missing the point of the gobshite). the way IT medical notes systems are set up, seems primarily for coding and billing, and much less user friendly then you think. Endless realms of data capture but major content can get buried. He should have let you speak!

YANBU I despair at the NHS, its not fit for purpose

GP here. Not unreasonable. Sounds like a 'mare of a consultation and I'm sorry that you weren't given chance to speak! Hope you feel better soon x

YANBU. The doctor sounds like a lazy misogynistic prick.

Pretty much.

As a solicitor I hate how clients sometimes beat around the bush. Some people do have a habit of waffle before they get to the point.

Get in there, say I have had a kidney transplant, and I m worried I have a uti.

You started by saying you had urgency around the toilet? And that could literally be anything from over active bladder to dehydration. Get to the point.

Neither of you came off very well to be honest.

I have clients who will tell me anything other than what I needed to know in the first sentence.

Honestly just go straight to your renal team next time - there are drug interactions between several antibiotics and your anti-rejection drugs, not all antibiotics are effective if your GFR is reduced, there are often different organisms causing transplant UTIs due to greater hospital contact, and we have a far lower threshold for treating UTIs than GPs do.

I only have one kidney and I sympathise.

I also find I have to raise it early in the conversation, because they can’t see it clearly in my notes, and it’s vital that they actually LISTEN.

I hope you’re feeling better soon.

I think you did great. Many drs are wonderful, a good few really let themselves down with arrogance and failure to listen.

Thank you. I think you and other posters are right. My DH is now jokingly looking at getting a badge made for me for any medical appointments which says ‘I have a kidney transplant’.

i think I came at it wanting to state the issue first but the more important info (and the one to get taken seriously) is the tx!

Thank you. My reason for wanting to complain is thinking about someone like my elderly DM who would have easily been ushered out and not wanted to speak up or cause a fuss.

Whether GPs like it or not, sometimes patients know more than they do, about their own particular conditions. The best and most confident doctors recognise this and are prepared to have a dialogue. It’s usually those who are less sure of themselves, ime, who feel the need to assert their perceived authority.

Hard agree.

Oh gosh I hear you!

My auto immune condition is weird in that I test positive for it but it’s not active and hasn’t been since it damaged my kidneys but it’s rare for that to be the case.

So I always have to fight to not be treated for the thing I’m testing positive for but not suffering from!

Yours also sounds like a similarly frustrating conversation to keep having!

Thank you. I didn’t want to make the post longer than it already was but I had already text my consultant who’d conferred with microbiology and got their recommendation for the right antibiotic. Unfortunately I always have to go through my GPs to get it and they always make me have an appt rather than a phonecall.
I had explicitly written this all out with exactly what was needed in the notes for the appointment

I will absolutely start my sentence next time with ‘I have a kidney transplant and my consultant has recommended….’

I think I got 5 words out before he interrupted. I’m not quite sure that could be classed as beating around the bush. I get that for a solicitor who charge by the hour but to interrupt after 5 words and not give me a chance to finish a single sentence I would suggest is more of a him problem than me.

Presumably in the ‘online admin’ you filled in prior to the appointment you’d mentioned your transplant. Even if the Dr didn’t have time to read all your notes, shouldn’t he have glanced through that? Otherwise what is its purpose? …xpost with yours where you describe what you wrote.