To have been patronising to the Doctor?

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Sorry, I’ve just read this and it’s long but was very cathartic to write out!!

I have a kidney transplant. I’ve had it for nearly 10 years and was diagnosed with kidney failure after contracting an auto immune disease.

Ive therefore had a LOT of contact with various HCPs over this timeframe and am often taken aback by inappropriate/uneducated comments about it (one RENAL nurse once asked me if my kidneys failed because I ‘ate too much salty foods’ 🙄 .

I was given an emergency appointment this afternoon as I have a painful UTI. I don’t wait to see how these progress but always see GP at first sign as they have travelled to my transplanted kidney before.

Before The appointment I filled in all the online admin about why I was there, what I needed, if I had any conditions etc.

When I went in to see the doctor I started to explain that I’d had some urgency around the toilet. Before I could go any further he interrupted with a ‘let me stop you there…’ and asked me if I was dehydrated, did I do pelvic floor post birth, asked why I had jumped to conclusions that it was a UTI…

I started talking again and explained that I had many before, the feeling was the same … I noticed he wasn’t listening at this point and was looking at his phone. He interrupted again and said he was reluctant to prescribe anything and UTIs can build tolerances…I started to then interrupt him but he put up his hand and went ‘bubububub’ to stop me talking.

He said did I have any pain? I said yes, I was concerned as the pain had travelled up to my kidney and pointed to my pelvis.

He immediately looked very smug and said ‘dear, your kidneys are around your back… i think if the pain is there it may just be your period, or perhaps you pulled a muscle’? He started to stand up and talked about coming back in a week if it hadn’t improved.

At this point I interrupted again and said, in an equally patronising tone ‘dear, you’re right, my non working native kidneys ARE on my back, but my transplanted kidney is at the front and I’m pretty sure I’m at very high risk of hospitalisation if it travels there, which it very much can do as my unrinary tract is shortened’

He spluttered at this point and very abruptly pulled me up for not having mentioned my transplant. I said ‘if you’d have let me finish any one of my sentences or reviewed my notes, you would know this’.

He did end up writing a prescription but tried to have the last word by saying as I walked out ‘next time please do make it very clear you have a transplant’. To which I told him next time to please read the patients notes.

Honestly I’m so sick of being talked over, told what problems might be or even someone trying to tell me (again, GP!!) that I now only had one kidney as I’d had a transplant!!

I despair for anyone who isn’t very well versed in their own conditions and has to navigate these situations and take the word of doctors as gospel!

So AIBU to have replied patronisingly (I NEVER do this and am not quite as quick to quip back as I was today) and should I complain to the practise manager? I don’t know if it’s just the straw that’s broken the camels back!!

and to add, I have some wonderful nurses and doctors on my teams who are amazing which I do recognise!

I once had a ruptured ovarian cyst (my second so I was pretty sure I knew what it was) and had to convince the ER doctor that no, it wasn’t my gallbladder - as that had been removed 15 years earlier. As listed on my file - which he didn’t read

I had a lovely exchange in A & E:
"I have appendicitis"
"I really don't think so"
"Nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, low grade fever, pain in lower right abdomen."
"Oh, did you Google that?"
"No. I listened when I did my medical degree."

I did indeed have appendicitis, and if that berk had peed about any longer, it would have burst.

Regardless of how she started the conversation, the GP was in the wrong. A HCPs job is to listen and get the required information from a patient, whatever their conversation style. Not to raise their hands while the patient is talking with a "bubububu" to cut them off and not let them get a word in edgeways. He failed in his job as a GP there and he definitely wouldn't be passing any OSCE's at med school with that communication style.

I hope you don't work in family or mental health law or any other area where peoples emotions run high and they sometimes forget themselves due to the situation they find themselves in.

I would complain. I’d say he didn’t let me finish my sentence every time I tried to tell him what was wrong with me, instead suggested it was period pain (does he thinks
women don’t have any other kind of medical issues?) and then had the absolute nerve to tell me off for not having explained my medical history clearly enough. Which was because he kept cutting me off.

I feel cross for you just reading that and I'd like to say I haven't had similar experiences with doctors, but unfortunately I have.

I agree. I do this when I'm writing a lot - waffle the background and finally get to the point. I have had to train myself to bring my 'summary' up front and make it the intro. It's good to have this pointed out - start off with the big stuff and if he/she needs to know, explain details later.
My late husband used to do this too - launch into complicated history lesson before getting to the point.

So how long has it taken you to train yourself to do that. Have you had to do that in a medical crisis when you feel like shit? Been quickly able to exactly explain your worry?

And none of being that being a perfectly concise person in a state of illness excuses the lazy arsed bullshit of not reading notes. It's pure arrogance not to listen to the person who is experiencing the issue. It's laziness to not read the notes. Its entitlement to expect that you get paid when you don't do your job properly. Acting as if you are superior doesn't make you good at your job. It just means you're playing a role rather than doing it.

You were right to challenge him. He was rude and dismissive. It's appalling that he hadn't bothered to read your notes.

They never read the bloody notes.

In New Zealand women can get antibiotics at the pharmacy without going to the doctors. Is it different in UK?

Id write a letter of complaint to the practice and send a copy to the CQC.

I can't believe the people on this thread trying to blame you. He needs to take a course in active listening.

YANBU, he sounds like a wanker. I have a few complex (though less serious) medical issues and I find having a regular GP invaluable, I experience chronic UTIs and my GP will even call me on the weekend if a test results happens to come through positive, so I can get a script for antibiotics faster. It can take a while to find one who actually cares (and has availability).

YANBU but I corrected a GP on something once, to do with my disability, and she spent the rest of the appointment scoring points off me. Mind you, the GP in question is generally unhelpful.

Yes write a letter of complaint.

Make it difficult for him.

I usually find myself siding with GP/nurse/other health professional. But this sounds like an awful consultation OP. Definitely feed it back to the practice. For those saying she should have immediately told him about the transplant…. Maybe, but part of being a GP is prizing out vital information through a history. Sorry this was your experience.

YANBU, well done for standing up for yourself. Some Drs are beyond patronising and have a poor attitude towards their patients. Thankfully I haven’t come across many, but they are out there and are allowed to continue to bully and belittle because people don’t stand up for themselves.

Absolutely this.

I have an hour appointment with new patients, yet regularly spend 15 minutes trying to find all the relevant information that’s scattered like a jigsaw throughout our IT system. This means I’m running late already and often still don’t have a complete understanding of why the patient has even been referred in the first place!

Always start an appointment with a concise summary. Even when your notes are technically accurate, the severity if your condition and extent of impact on your live is usually not conveyed in those notes. It takes a proper conversation with the patient for any clinician to begin understanding their full needs, as everyone is so individual. Sadly, as time rarely permits this, many health professionals jump to early conclusions and assume the most common symptoms means the most common condition, rather than fullly exploring.

I absolutely LOVE your comments and tone to the GP. You were 100% spot on and thankfully it got you what you needed. It takes a sharp shock to really make the clinician pause and remember that despite being the expert in medicine - the PATIENT is the only one with expert knowledge of their own body and medical history. The arrogance particularly in male doctors is still horrific and so ingrained at all levels (that’s a whole other thread).

I hope you’re feeling much better now.

You can in the UK for UTIs but they're broad spectrum and I suspect that someone in the OP's situation would need something stronger and targeted. Probably following a blood test. And - well they shouldn't. Antibiotics are powerful drugs, the careless use of which has led to the rise of antibiotic-resistant bacteria. No one should be able to pop into a pharmacy and get them.

I had an ovarian cyst once that ended up torsioning and having to be surgically removed along with a chunk of fallopian tube due to a GP not listening when I tried to explain that the pain was qualitatively different to period pain. They just kept saying that period pain can be very bad. I know. I'm not saying its worse, it was probably less painful than severe peroid pain until it did torsion, I was saying it was different and also in a different location.

Definitely complain op. Hope a&e are good to you.

I’m building a whole list of GPs i refuse to see again at my local surgery. Including one who brushed off my DD’s problem that actually needed surgery, and another who tried to prescribe her medication that has been banned in the UK for several years.

That doctor needed that, but unfortunately I doubt he will change.

GPs see a conveyor belt of people, so it’s easier if you start such a conversation with the wider picture hi, I had a kidney transplant 10 years ago and feel an infection coming g on because XYZ

YANBU

You should 100% complain. Regardless of anything else he was incredibly rude to you. His parting words were probably because he could forsee a complaint and was attempting to make you think it was your fault.

Great advice about starting with "I have a kidney transplant", that might help you going forwards.

However, doctors help shouldn't be contingent on forming your sentences in the right order and you shouldn't have to in case a GP cuts you off. There are a myriad of people out there without the ability to advocate well for themselves with all sorts of conditions and for all sorts of reasons, and these are the people who your complaint might help.

My DH has a very complex medical history. So many hospital admissions, A&E trips, immunocompromised immune system and has a consultant. Sometimes the system seems backwards as he has to go through the GP system for help and often ends up with the wrong help because the doctor doesn't understand how complex my DH is. It then escalates and he ends up being admittex to hospital. Many times he and I have been cut off for "waffling" to then be apologised to as it was all relevant.

Personally I think that while it helps to start with something direct, sometimes it doesn't work like that, particularly when a patient has a complex history and lots of factors may be relevant. Doctors have a duty of care and a key part of the job is listening to give equal opportunity to all patients.

We could unpick what the OP said about what it would have been better to say, but that doesn't change anything for others who have a complex history or those who aren't very good at speaking to a doctor and who might need more than 5 words. These are the people who if the OP puts in a complaint she will be helping.

Fwiw I have had the same experience, I complained and they changed my GP.

I’m not quite sure when they would have time to read patient notes at my GP because the appointments are back to back. The same for hospital doctors as well. There are quite a lot of notes to plough through. My daughter’s would take several hours to read as she has a medical condition. I always lead with that info if it is for something relevant.