Does it matter to you if your kids are neat/well turned out/well dressed

[Eroney]

Hi all, my DD who is 4 recently started school, it’s a really lovely all girls prep. I’ve noticed of the 32 children in her year there is a real split, about half of them always come to school seemingly perfectly turned out, hair always super neat etc. then the other half tend to have there hair in a slightly messy pony tail, cardigan half on etc.
We have done a few play dates now and I’ve noticed that the children who are always super neat for school are also the children who are in planned outfits etc. outside of school. Personally I wish I was one of the neat put together mums but in reality my daughter’s hair is always frizzy, a little messy and just about in a ponytail. On the weekends it’s just whatever is clean and fits, rarely a planned outfit.
Im close friends with one of the put together mums and I live in some sort of envy of her, she works 3 days a week but still her children who both have curly hair come to school with perfect little ringlets, neat uniform etc. I have no idea how she is doing it tbh. My sister is under the opinion the put together mums probably have the least fun but I spend a lot of time with my close friend and she doesn’t care if her kids get dirty or messy or if their hair ends up half out, she just makes sure they always start the day/activity well put together. She is also incredibly well put together, I’ve never seen her do the school run and not have her hair done and a nice outfit on.
AIBU to envy these mums? Does your children’s outfits/hair/presentation matter to you?

Who cares

Yeah…..it is important to me that my DCs arrive at school neat and well-turned out.
I always make sure their uniforms are ironed, get stain remover on any marks as soon as I can, make sure their shoes are clean and polished (my older 2 are responsible for their own shoes!). I don’t go particularly elaborate with my girls’ hair - they usually have a neat ponytail with any fly-away hairsprayed, or simple pigtails. My DS also has long hair, so his is neatly pulled back in a little man-bun for school.
I think it’s just a habit I picked up from my own Mum. I grew up in a deprived area, we didn’t have a lot of money, both my parents worked every hour they possibly could…..but my mum made sure me and DSis went to school looking absolutely pristine. I remember her bleaching frilly white ankle socks in the kitchen sink 🫠😂

When my two were younger they’d be sent out in clean, ironed uniform, which would look like they’d been dragged through a hedge by home time. My DD has really sensitive sensory issues with her scalp, so hair brushing was always a torment and she couldn’t tolerate having her hair up so she always looked a bit urchin like, hair clean and brushed after a fashion but not neat and tidy.

They’re both in high school now and generally sort their own uniform out. They’re both always looked clean and tidy.

I always made sure the kids had clean, ironed clothes (I like them being ironed, I know a lot of people don't care and that's fine!), but honestly DD's hair always looked pretty scruffy as I think she has a double crown and her hair (fine but lots of it and wavy/flyaway) was hard to style neatly!

But really as long as the kids don't look neglected, does it really matter? They're 4! Some kids won't sit still to have their hair done, or dress themselves a little wonky, or start playing on the way to school and cardigans fall off etc.

I always thought I'd care, but then along came DD who is half honey badger. She will only wear a plain top and leggings, which is clean when she puts them on, but dirty within 5 minutes. I wash her hair twice a week, yet it always resembles a birds nest and is constantly sticky. If there is a muddy puddle she's trying to swim in it and if there is a hill to roll down she's flinging herself off it.
She lives in a clean and tidy home, but she's just not a neat and tidy girl!

Mine would leave the house looking presentable. As with others I wasn't throwing out a perfectly good school top because of a few marks.
Ds1 most of the time would arrive at school looking like hed spent the day down the mines. Genuinely no idea how he got so filthy including the one occasion the teacher came out and apologised for him being covered in paint despite them not having painted that day.
I cant do hair for the life of me so as long as I know ide brushed and washed it I was happy with how they looked.

My daughter always goes out neat and tidy. How she comes back in is another story 😂My husband has issues with her being dirty or in clothes that start to look a bit on the small side. Heaven forbid if we can't get the paint or pen out of her school shirt. It all comes down to him growing up poor and a lot of his clothes were hand me downs or second hand but he has a daughter that likes to play outside and get dirty so he is learning to deal with it 😊

Both of mine went to school looking neat, clean and tidy. Dd always stayed immaculate, her clothes were never dirty. Ds on the other hand looked like he was auditioning for a part in Oliver. I had to buy Teflon coated trousers. He ripped his coat, lost ties and jumpers etc etc. Dd has been diagnosed with ADHD so I don’t if that is relevant.
As adults even though they often wear casual clothes they never wear dirty clothes. They are always clean.

I do not care very much, and I am not especially well groomed myself.

Clothes are always clean (well, as clean as they can be - they often over the course of the school year gather e.g. ink stains), and I brush their hair - but both mine seem to have naturally messy hair, even straight after brushing it sticks up in different directions. Mine is curly and always looks a bit unruly also, so perhaps we are just genetic scruffs!

My daughter, who is 10, had her hair cut very short last year mostly so she wouldn't have to bother brushing out tangles anymore.

I did always make her do it in the morning before school but life is much easier now her hair can be mostly left to its own devices like her brother's.

They wear clean clothes that fit but the colours aren't always coordinated because they choose from their drawers themselves and I'm not getting involved with that. The clothes themselves are mainly chosen for comfort - I don't think they own any trousers without elasticated waistbands. They don't look 'smart' but they look cosy and clean and, imo, well cared for.

I take pride in my DD6 looking clean and well turned out when she goes to school. When she comes out she looks ok, her curly red hair is always all over the place though. The weekends are a different matter entirely though. Usually leggings/joggers with a t-shirt and jumper, sometimes matching, sometimes not. As long as they're not dirty/too small/raggy then who cares? As long as kids are warm and comfortable I don't think it matters too much.

It matters to me that my kids are clean, healthy, comfortable and appropriately dressed for whatever they're doing that day. I can't bear it when parents restrict their children's activities because they don't want them to get dirty or messed up, or when children can't run or play properly because of fussy impractical clothes. I do my best to smarten them up when the occasion requires it.

I’d like to know who’s brilliant idea it was for the youngest students at so many schools to have white polos/shirts 🫠🫠😂😂

The first school my DCs ever attended, the nursery, reception and year 1 classes all had navy polos and it was a total gamechanger! They make the switch to white from Year 2 and up…..and boy did we notice the difference 🤯😂😂

I TRY to be like that. Then he goes to school and seemingly rolls around in mud and spills food all down his shirt (tips on stain removal welcome) every day.

My mother used to say the same thing about me though

Ask their father to have a go and see if he can do it better?

Is it really just all the mums doing this? Maybe it’s just where I live, but it’s a 50/50 mix of mums and dads taking their kids to school, yet yours (and all the blame/praise of dressing them) seems to all fall on the women.

I have frizzy hair. It rarely "looked" tidy when I was a child, but it had been washed, brushed, combed, plaited etc with as much loving energy as anyone else's. It was clean and tied back out of my face. Now I am an adult, it does okay for an hour or two with the right cut and products when I want it that way, but keeping it perfect as a child would have been a huge struggle that would have made me unhappy and self conscious, or involved me never stepping outside or running around.

Some hair is like that. Some falls into place better. Don't sweat it.

Yes, it matters to me that my kids are clean, neat and clothes ironed.
They're getting older, so they decide themselves, but still choose to look nice. Apart from my young daughter... She leaves the house perfect, comes back like she's been dragged through a bush and covered in dirt. But she's happy and it washes off. I don't care how they come home of a night, but they can't go out dirty.

If we're going out I like to get the boys' outfits out so that they're coordinated (individually, not together). DH has no eye for colour so always manages to choose clashing colours. The rest of the time they do it themselves anyway now.

Couldn’t care less. It wouldn’t cross my mind to consider what other people might think and I don’t care about it anyway. I dress for myself only and have modelled the same to DC.

Ask your friend what she does with her kids hair!
Personally, I find with mine and my kids hair it looks much neater if we only properly brush it when conditioning it, and just finger brush it in between. Getting g a cut with layers in also really helps I find and silk pillowcases.

Also somebody said earlier in the thread that they should look well cared for and I think that’s exactly right.

I’m not overly bothered. I tie their hair up because I don’t want nits, and their uniform is always clean. But I am not ironing it (I also don’t iron my stuff!)

This is a depressing read. Please allow yourself some slack, and probably your daughter, in case you invertedly wind up giving her a complex about her appearance at such a young age. (Proviso: I am not a mum)

I mostly don't care beyond clean clothes that are weather appropriate (but I don't have much influence over it now as I'm gone before DS wakes up so he dresses himself and his dad doesn't really notice what he wears) when DS was under school age I loved dressing him up in suits on Fridays and still do for special occasions.

I must be missing something.

Sending the kids out in the morning with brushed hair, laundered and activity appropriate clothes is hardly rocket science.

I’m not quite sure why the OP makes it sound like such an unachievable goal?

Children get messy/dirty etc as the day progresses of course but it’s really not hard to start off presentable.

Glad I'm not the only to think this.