17yr old boy found guilty of child abuse

[Ikeasucks]

Aibu to be pissed at how many women here were so scathing and dismissive of those in the past who said we weren’t comfortable with our babies/toddlers/very young children having male carers in a nursery setting or as a nanny etc? We were told condescendingly how ignorant and bigoted we were - i don’t fucking care at how right in you are and superior i still feel the same way www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cze665j2y51o?at_medium=social&at_link_type=web_link&at_format=video&at_link_origin=BBC_Surrey&at_campaign=Social_Flow&at_campaign_type=owned&at_bbc_team=editorial&at_ptr_name=twitter&at_link_id=4FF97A8E-B8A8-11F0-A794-E0B1162F2AD3

If you want to be angry, sure, and I think parents should largely be able to choose though that's difficult with the turnover we're seeing in many caring professions.

I'm not sure it's pointed at the right place when the issue is that this nursery entirely failed basic safeguardings, and these failures seem to keep happening due to funding leading to lack of staff. No 17 year old should be 1:1 the way this boy was.

It angers me when women jump to the defence of men and throw women under the bus and say they do it too... when there is a massive difference and actually, women don't do it the way men do.

I don't view it as throwing women under the bus, but the importance that safeguarding not rely on the concept that certain people are safer due to their demographic.

Plenty of us remember when people would call clergy, medical professionals, and similar safe not only because of how hard they worked to get into their positions and so on, but because if we look solely at the stats, perpetrators convicted are overwhelmingly men of lower socio-economic status. That mindset failed many.

Yes, males are far, far more likely to do these crimes, but our safeguarding needs to not rely on females being safe. Calling girls and women safe has also repeatedly failed.

I'm one of them. It's why I always recommend to my kids to take someone with them to medical appointments, never to rely on another medical professional to be the chaperone/support (I was abused with two chaperones in the room - they helped hold me down, everyone involved was female, they laughed about how they were teaching pregnant teenage me a lesson while I was sexually assaulted and left heavily bleeding). The safeguarding there failed because they were allowed to close and lock the door of the room I was in and attached to an IV. In nursery situations, as many have said, I don't think any nursery worker should be 1:1 with children in the way this boy was and safeguarding needs to go far beyond just not having boys and men. If parents want to pick a female childminder or other carer, sure, but we can't rely just on carers being female and really, I don't think nurseries can or should rely on that either.

Teachers?

Oh FFS, it’s one individual. Stop lumping all young men together.

Oh my god, that is horrific. I hope you are OK now.

More men than women abuse full stop, so where do you draw the line? For me no one should be left unsupervised to be able to carry out such atrocities.

That guy is clearly a wrong 'un but like lots of stuff these days, it's not considered acceptable to point out the obvious. So our children suffer.

Why is it obtuse? A lot of fathers do sexually abuse children (including my own F). A child is much more likely to get sexually abused by their father (even more so by a stepfather) than by a male nursery worker.

And yet there are men who are very loving towards children and no threat at all. I’ve never had any reason to be suspicious of my DH, but then he’s always been scrupulously careful to ask me to clean our DDs’ private areas. We surely wouldn’t want to deprive children of a decent loving parent who happens to be male.

I don’t know how I feel about male nursery workers, I’m not comfortable as I’m sure paedophiles do target such roles. But saying that a young man is ‘creepy’ because he loves being around babies and toddlers is very much uncalled for. Plenty of men love being dads/uncles and are also thoroughly trustworthy.

Fine OP. You feel the same way. What of it?

To be fair most child sexual abuse at nurseries is still committed by white women in this country. This boy is disgusting but very few men ever choose this career in a caregiving capacity.

Is it? How many women are convicted?

The only woman convicted of CSA I’ve heard about was Vanessa George, the publicity about her was intense. But women like this are very rare, so it’s highly unlikely to happen again. The other abuse cases I’ve heard about have been of physical/emotional abuse nor sexual. And one recent murder of a 9 month old baby (convicted of manslaughter), which was talked about at length on the other thread.

Abuse by mothers/stepmothers is sadly not all that unusual, though again physical/emotional abuse not sexual. I have heard of mothers sexually abusing children but it’s vanishingly rare.

Maybe @pottylolly knows of others but I also only remember Vanessa George in the last couple of decades.

Whereas men:
Thomas Waller: A teenage nursery worker from Surrey was convicted in November 2025 of raping and sexually abusing children as young as three. His offences were deemed serious enough for a potential prison sentence of up to 17 years when sentenced at a crown court.
Andrew Evans: In December 2024, a former nursery worker from East Sussex was jailed for 14 years and four months for sexually assaulting young children at a nursery in Crowborough. He pleaded guilty to two counts of penetration of a girl under 13, one count of assault by touching, and one count of assault by penetration of a boy under 13.
Craig Ordish: A nursery worker from Staffordshire was jailed for 10 years in April 2024 for sexual offences involving children, including sexual assault, inciting sexual activity, and possessing indecent images.
Jayden McCarthy: Jailed in July 2021 for 11 years and six months for raping and sexually assaulting children at a nursery in Torbay. CCTV footage was used as evidence in his conviction
And currently one on trial:
Bristol-based nursery worker charged with rape of toddlers - BBC News https://share.google/Len0TtV4dRsO28jFp

Of course it's not all men that abuse
But the statistics show it is overwhelmingly more likely to be a man - whether this is a parent, a sibling, a partner, a professional, a stranger, a friend......etc

There will be many who do it for those reasons and I know a few myself, but just one half conscious one can end a child's life. I've worked in nurseries.

You? I was talking about me.

I know very few men and know 100% they are safe around my child, or I'd not leave them with them would I. I don't leave them with them anyway.

Of course she would mind.

There isn't a mother in the whole world who would choose a random man to look after her children over a random woman.

This teen was 16 when he was working in a nursery.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-devon-57257664.amp

A few years back, I was at a lecture by a renowned lecturer / author in child protection and he said that if he was getting a babysitter then the easiest way to keep a child safe was to only use female babysitters. If 90 % of perpetrators are male then it is obvious that statistically a female is safer and I struggle as to why people refuse to see that.

There have been women caught sexually abusing children in a nursery. A woman has very recently been in the news for physically abusing children in a nursery.
Would it be fair for me to tell parents they are wrong to put their DC in nursery at all?

I’m good thanks 👍

That's like saying we were all wrong to trust that women are safe to work with babies after the Vanessa George case?

No it's not.

wonder if they also tell their very young children to just approach anyone if they get lost when out shopping or at the park etc - i used to tell mine to always ask a woman for help - or a police person (see i can get with the new ways)

Of course it is