Anyone have 4 boys and not have gender disappointment?

[4boyfamily]

I am pregnant with DC4 and just found out at 20 week scan last week it is baby boy number 4. Obviously knew there was a 50/50 chance and I adore my 3 boys but I had such a strong feeling this one was a girl (feel so different!) and have been calling him baby girl for months!! It's absolutely floored me. Didn't think I really had a preference I have always hated the term "gender disappointment" but I suppose that's what I'm having.

It doesn't help that we've told family and friends that it's baby boy number 4 and the responses have ranged from indifferent to shock that we could have 4 boys in a row, to disappointment themselves. It feels like no one is excited so along with managing my own feelings I'm also dealing with constant negative comments as we tell people one by one.

What I'm hoping for is to hear from families with 4 (or more!) boys who have maybe had gender disappointment and come out the other side or who could let me know what it's like with 4 boys one they're all here and growing up together. Do the negative comments from strangers ever end?

I have 2 boys and adore it. Zero disappointment or desire for a girl- I feel like our family is meant to be.

Of course I would probably feel exactly the same if we’d had 2 girls, or one of each.

I don’t think so @Btowngirl. My ex- SIL had three girls and in her fourth pregnancy there was an awful lot of people commenting on how they hoped it was a boy and ‘I bet your husband really wants a boy!’ and ‘if it isn’t a boy this time will you try for one more?’ (She did have a boy).

I have BGBBB. My little girl prayed for a little sister and was devastated that she kept getting more brothers 😬 I didnt have gender disappointment as such, but I did hope for another DD for my little girls benefit.

I love having boys. My boys are brilliant, smart, loving and sweet. Funny, now my DD is 13 she loves being the only girl and loves telling everyone she has 4 brothers.

I have one boy, we are probably stopping at one child but honestly I would have TEN boys if it meant I’d have ten like him, as he is just wonderful. But it doesn’t work like that because all children are different

And at some point you're likely to have gfs turning up! So there will be dils in your life as pseudo daughters 😀

I agree with this. I was desperate for girls (and got them) but if my eldest had been a boy I would have been praying for another son. I think siblings of the same sex just tend to have more in common, especially when they're older. You don't see many adult brother/sister duos spending time alone together, but you see it much more with sister/sister and brother/brother relationships.

My friend has 4 boys and I’m sooo jealous!!

An ex-colleague also had only boys and she had 6 of them (ranging from 6 months up to 10 when I knew her) and when she used to bring them into work with her I’d be overwhelmed at how amazing their set-up was, I couldn’t help but smile like a total idiot whenever they’d appear! They’d all be there, little carbon copies of each other like a set of Russian Dolls….. they were adorable!!!!

I have got two boys and if I could have another child I would want another boy without a doubt….followed by more and more boys 🤣

Boys are just brilliant!!!

Many congratulations OP from a VERY jealous poster 🤣

I feel that generally people who have gender disappointment are the lucky ones, who have not experienced the loss of a baby.

I have two boys and if I have a third I’d really want a boy. In fact I think I’d genuinely be gutted if it was a girl. Irrational but then our brains aren’t always rational. Congratulations OP, I’m sure by the time he is here you will just be super excited to meet him. Four boys sounds lovely.

We struggled with infertility so I really didn't care what we ended up having, if it were to happen for us.

IVF brought us our first son, second son was a natural miracle. I love having boys and if we ever tried for a third (and it actually happened), I'd be more than happy with three boys. My two are so different, and I love the idea of 3 boys! (Though I know I'd be happy with a girl too)

When you tell these friends start the sentence or messge with something along the lines of "we are so excited to welcome ds4 and cannot wait to meet our darling baby boy". Make it clear you are happy as it sets the tone immediately

I have 4 boys (2 are my DSS) but when we were having number 4 I wasn’t at all bothered either way and having 4 boys is wonderful. They get on like a house on fire (despite all being wildly different personalities) and I can’t imagine the baby being a girl at all now he’s here and they’re all boys.

I think 4 boys sounds fab OP. A girl after 3 boys is a lot of pressure on the girl. Like Harper Beckham.

Scrumptious?!?! Wtf?

I hope your DD doesn’t know you prefer her brothers.

3 boys here! It’s great! I wanted a 4th baby but DH didn’t. Everyone assumed I wanted a 4th to “try for a girl” no, I wanted another baby and actually, I’d have wanted a 4th boy, ideally,

Mine are all teens now and brilliant fun: my middle one had his birthday the other day - he and I went out for lunch, just him and me, as part of his birthday treats. We’ve always done this so they get 1:1 time. We had such a lovely time.

My eldest is a great big huge 6’2” nearly adult man who loves giving me a great big bear hug and reaching things on high shelves (I’m 5’2”).

My youngest is 13 and has some mild SEN so more of a 10 year old. He’s fiercely protected (slightly against his will) by his older brothers. They also smuggle him sweets when I’m not looking and take him to the cinema.

They are a real pack and I take so much joy and comfort in raising these well-adjusted, kind, strong men. This will probably get me FLAMED but I think that raising boys is a huge privilege and responsibility: we want this generation of men to stand up for women and protect them - not in an oppressive way but in a natural way - I’m v tired so apologies if this is making no sense! Biologically, men are generally physically stronger, I want my boys to recognise this and use it positively and to call out shitty behaviour and look out for women. My eldest recently walked one of his female friends home from the station - not a great area and she hadn’t liked to ask. He was like no way would I have left her, Mum! I’m proud of him for that. Our 88 year old neighbour has his number for when she can’t carry her shopping and he’s round like a shot.

My DH (their Dad) is a big, kind, gentle man but who is strong and capable. He’s a great role model. I think it’s also good for them to have other solid male role models so mine have done loads of Scouts, football, jujitsu etc.

I’m not trying to paint my lot as perfect little angels; we’ve certainly had our battles and their rooms are often grim. My eldest struggled a lot at school and hated most of secondary but he’s now at college with a PT job in the NHS which he loves.

They are fabulous boys (most of the time). My house is noisy and messy but I love it. I’m already starting to worry about them growing up and leaving home.

You will absolutely get ALLLLL the comments but as a pp very wisely said, if you project just how delighted you are with your pack of boys then that’ll shut them up!

Not going to lie, I’m a bit jealous, @4boyfamily! Congratulations!

I only have two boys but had I been younger and the world different I would have loved four!

One of my closest friends is the youngest of four boys. None of the siblings had children until quite late in life — probably the eldest was around 40, my friend 34. Their mother (who had them all in her early/mid 20s) had completely given up hope of having any grandchildren at all. Now she has eight granddaughters and one grandson. The generations do tend to reverse themselves… I’m sure there will be little girls in your future.

4 boys is cool! It feels balanced, if that makes sense. I remember, when I was a kid, knowing a family with 4 sons (who were young adults then) and all had very different characters to each other and I found it fascinating.

God this thread is making me broody 🤣

I’m thinking of my sons who are now fast asleep in bed and I really, really want to go and give them a little squeeze!! 🤣

I have 3 girls and they're absolute headaches 😂 well mainly the young 2 who are twins but I also have my nephew living with me now which is even more of a headache as they all wind each other up. Just grateful to have healthy kids more than anything

@GlitzAndGigglesx 🙄

Me! No disappointment at all. At the scan when I was told I let out a sigh and I realized it was a sigh of almost relief .... I knew what to expect and I had no worries how I would adjust.

Thankfully no one has ever said anything but I think people assume I have 4 because i was trying for a girl (which i wasnt). In my family there would never be gender disappointment - baby's health and the mothers health will always be priority

Its really good that you have found out and are working through your feelings now and there will be nothing but joy when meeting your baby.

I am blessed among men and my one and only grandchild is a little boy which I'm over the moon with.

I think it is really unusual for such intense disappointment to continue for so long.

At first I think some of these feelings can be natural - whether its a boy or a girl that is hoped for. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of; just let yourself acknowledge the disappointment op, but know that it is easier to feel this way when the baby is still a "concept" and the only thing you know about them is gender.

Once they are a real person who has a little upturned nose, or sticky-up hair, or giggle at yawns, or love their toy giraffe - or any of the funny little things that dc do that make them individuals, I am sure it fades.

I can see there may be the occasional pang, when you see a particularly sweet little pair of shoes for the other gender or whatever, but I don't think many people feel "bereft" or "melancholy" on a daily basis.

A pp mentioned that a fourth boy slots into the family better, and I have to say I did wonder if I would have liked being an only girl with three older brothers 😬

Delighted with all my boys. I had no preference for any of the births but don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything at all. In fact I feel incredibly fulfilled and love it all!

I have four boys! I love them to bits and would not have preferred it any other way.

I know a family who had four boys and really wanted their fifth to be a boy too! They were really disappointed it was a girl.

What a kind post! I would have been less patient in my response. But I agree with the sentiment.

the reality is you get what you get. You are allowed to feel disappointed.