Anyone have 4 boys and not have gender disappointment?

[4boyfamily]

I am pregnant with DC4 and just found out at 20 week scan last week it is baby boy number 4. Obviously knew there was a 50/50 chance and I adore my 3 boys but I had such a strong feeling this one was a girl (feel so different!) and have been calling him baby girl for months!! It's absolutely floored me. Didn't think I really had a preference I have always hated the term "gender disappointment" but I suppose that's what I'm having.

It doesn't help that we've told family and friends that it's baby boy number 4 and the responses have ranged from indifferent to shock that we could have 4 boys in a row, to disappointment themselves. It feels like no one is excited so along with managing my own feelings I'm also dealing with constant negative comments as we tell people one by one.

What I'm hoping for is to hear from families with 4 (or more!) boys who have maybe had gender disappointment and come out the other side or who could let me know what it's like with 4 boys one they're all here and growing up together. Do the negative comments from strangers ever end?

AI says the odds of a fourth son are 61%.

My friend has four boys, all in 20’s now. The whole family have had an incredible life, doing things that interested ALL the kids. It’s such a lovely dynamic, if one of the boys isn’t getting on great with another, he has another two. It’s lovely.

I have 5 boys and they are all joy. I never felt disappointment, I really didn't mind each time! I was actually surprised when people said 'Oh another boy, were you hoping for a girl' Some people even thought we had 5 because we kept trying for a girl! Couldn't have been further from the truth.

Nice to see the positive comments on this thread.

Normally on this forum, being pregnant with a healthy boy is seen as some terrible catastrophe.

I've never wanted kids but if I did, I would definitely prefer boys. Can't really explain why, but I've always felt that way.

You are going to be laughing like a drain when all the mums of daughters are having fucking awful times when they're in year nine.
Also if you've got four boys highly likely that one of your potential daughters-in-law (if they're straight) will want you to be very heavily involved in the wedding because of maybe an absent mother figure. You are so lucky and I'm really jealous because I've only got three.

Wow you so are blessed, 4 children how lucky are you!!. I hope to be blessed with just 2 children, I have one boy right now and pray life gives me another healthy child

congratulations xx

I don't know anyone with multiple boys who wasn't disappointed when they had yet another boy sorry @4boyfamily I have 2 cousins who have all boys - one has 4 and one has 5. Both cried for a week when the 4th and 5th ones were boys. They came to terms with it after a few years, and love their sons of course, they just wish they could have had a girl as well.

They don't wish any of the boys away, but there is a melancholiness in their life though, like a feeling of being bereft, at having no daughter, but they have accepted it. There is a divide and a distance though, between those 2 and the other 4 cousins (including me) who all have at least one daughter. They distanced themselves from us some years ago, because they resented us having girls. But it is what it is.

Maybe you'll luck out and one of them will be transgender?

I have 4 boys (now age 20-10). I remember being a bit disappointed when #1 was a boy as I always imagined I’d have a girl first lol. I didn’t find out with any of them until they were born as I don’t think I’d have believed it if they’d said it was a girl anyway! I’ve had many comments but generally they were positive. I’ve loved it, it’s been much easier with regards to passing down clothes and toys, sharing rooms if needed on trips etc. Other people seemed to want me to have a girl more than I did!

It took them 'years' to 'come to terms' with having a healthy child because he was the 'wrong' gender?

I feel sorry for these poor boys.

Look at the Beckhams. All that pressure on the much wanted daughter, the fourth child Harper. It’s so obvious she’s the favourite with her parents draped round her at every opportunity and Victoria saying how she asked David ‘for just one girl’ ( I believe they used gender selection). I think there’s no way the boys aren’t aware of this and wonder how they feel deep down. I remember when their third boy was born their team reported ‘it’s fair to say they were a little disappointed’. Awful. I have two boys, now young adults and what time has taught me is that for us as a family and them as individuals, having two of the same gender has been absolutely the best outcome.

Thank you for the lovely comments, some of them have made me tear up. Definitely very hormonal which probably isn't helping the whole situation.

On balance I know another boy is probably better for the boys (although one of them is asking for a sister - haven't told them yet!) and they have such a lovely bond between the three of them I'm excited to see what a fourth will bring.

I think the thing that's really knocked me the most is that whilst I was readjusting to the news having stupidly thought this was a DD, peoples comments have been so negative. Had a few "will you keep going til you get a girl" type comments but also some more horrible ones. Lots of the awful comments I've had so far about having 3 boys actually come from strangers, one person even said to my face that they couldn't imagine anything worse than all boys!

I was actually very happy and content as a mum of 3 boys and this baby was a little surprise. Not sure why I got so in my head about it being a girl but I've become attached to a girl name that I'll now never use etc etc. Just need to refocus on getting excited about a little boy but I know the negative comments will keep coming even from strangers as my bump grows. Will have to grow thicker skin!

@Franpie I didn't realise that I thought it was 50/50 each time. I actually don't know a single family of 4DC where they are all boys or all girls. All the ones we know are mixed and I'd say that tends to be the "expectation" by the time you get to 4 that you'll have a mix of boys and girls.

This baby boy is going to be every bit as lovely as your first 3 boys 😊

I remember when their third boy was born their team reported ‘it’s fair to say they were a little disappointed’.

They said that? Ugh!

It reminds me a bit of all the fuss about Rihanna 'finally' having 'the girl she'd always wanted' after two beautiful boys. I hope they're not going to grow up believing they were just the curtain raiser for the golden child.

I'm the mum of four sons, no girls. No gender disappointment for me. I adore all of them for who they are.
Two sisters have a mix of girls and boys. Brother has 3 sons, no girls.
it's other people who often have a problem with it, not me. I have been told it's a shame that I don't have a girl by others as if I should be disappointed that it didn't happen

Congratulations on your fourth son 😊

I have two boys. I actively wanted the second one to be a boy, I think I’d have been a bit disappointed if he was a girl! I do get a lot of ‘will you keep trying for a girl’ comments but I just shut them down by saying I wanted the second to be a boy. Boys are amazing! Congratulations OP.

Double post

In the 1960s when some people had large families , one of our friends was youngest of 7 girls and next door had 7 boys , until the mother had a baby girl eventually! Don’t give up 🤦‍♀️

What a horrible post.

I am in my seventies and have three sons. In those days I was never offered any scans and didn't know till they were born what sex they were. I was extremely disappointed not to have a daughter but of course I loved my third son and tried my best not to allow my disappointment to affect him. I certainly remember comments such as "What a shame!" from a few people after he was born, which was upsetting but reflected my own feelings. I stopped thinking about it after a while but felt pangs of jealousy if anyone I knew had a third child who was a different sex from the first two. What has given me great happiness is to have three wonderful granddaughters, one from each son. They fill me with joy and I realise how lucky I am to have them in my life - as well as five wonderful grandsons!

I have 4 boys, all very different and all very close to me, they’re adorable

I have 3 DS’s and my DH jokes that we’ll have 9 DGS’s one day.

Pre motherhood I worked with someone who had four sons. I so wanted to be in her shoes.
My first child was a boy. Wonderful! Second child was a boy. Equally delighted (and if I’m being honest relieved). I was two and done but I still think of her now. Imagine the fun you’ll have with your four. Sons are amazing.

I always assumed I would have boys and had two girls - it was a shock (no idea why), but love being a girl mum. I suspect I would have loved being a boy mum too though. All kids are different - it’s not as simple as girl or boy. Enjoy your beautiful boy!