To think DS doesn’t haveautism

[TakingItall]

So the word autism has never been said by professionals. He is going through a asd assessment but I know this doesn’t mean he has it. He was non verbal until 4 and a half now he is saying some words like “bed” “milk” etc. He doesn’t like routine but that might just be him as I am the same. He understands things like get your shoes or coat. He doesn’t like being wet he will freak out but I don’t know anyone who would like to get wet when they are dressed. School said he will gag if children in the school hall are having pasta or something but maybe he just doesn’t like pasta. He won’t socialise with other children but I like to be left alone too. School says he has no sense of danger but surely this is normal for 4 year olds.

They are trying to aim asd at him and I don’t think it’s fair as he’s only 4 and they need to give him time to develop

But at the moment, you have a child who is severely delayed.

You can go through the assessments and they will determine if the cause is autism or something else. So if it ends up being autism that’s good right, because you’ll know the cause of the delay?

You sound a little denial how behind he is, do you socialise with other kids his age? To put it into context, he is talking much less than my one year old, so you need to work out why.

I was but I get overwhelmed and didn’t really understand what was being said. I did but also I seemed to zone out. I think I need to get in touch with somebody don’t I

OP it sounds as if you are saying that he will only have autism if he is diagnosed with it so if you don't get him diagnosed he won't have it?

What is it about autism in particular that’s making you feel like this? There are many other diagnoses and conditions that can cause developmental delay so I wonder you’d think those would also feel like a label. The outcome is the same - more support for your son and an understanding of what’s going on for him. It’s brilliant that he will be assessed, the waiting lists are long but in the past the assessments barely existed. I agree with a PP above that there is a chance that what you think are shared personality traits may be ASD traits. But all of us here only know what you have written so can’t say either way

Of course no-one can diagnose anything over the internet, but the child you are describing has a severe delay.
This isn't just a 'bit late' talking. By the age of 4 and half he should be able to use long complex sentences, and be learning phonics and beginning to read.
Verbally he is at about 12 months.
He is resistant to routine, has strong sensory issues (food, being wet etc) and has no sense of danger.

Whatever the name is for what he has, he needs a serious amount of support, and is unlikley to receive it at mainstream school without 1:2:1 help etc.

You said you don't want to worry, and are just going along with the appointments etc, but to be honest I think you need to get worried and start fighting for him. Pushing the assessment, making sure he has appropriate support, because without it at some point he will start to get frustrated, and then they will start to talk about his 'behaviour'

There are as many types of autism as there are autistic people. And you’re right he could be delayed and it could be a bit of both . I actually did the same as you and resisted my son having a diagnosis at 4. He is a bit ND as I’m I and his dad. We all function well but differently to the “norm” - for instance, hating most popular culture, disliking loud noises/ smells etc . DH and I are graduates, son is at RG university and loves it . We’ve all three been told we were stupid when at school. Who knows? I think you should enjoy your son , liaise with senecio but avoid lifelong labels. There’s too much diagnosis these days .

You could ask for an appointment with the SENCO at the school and ask for advice on what you can do at home with him and who you need to speak to. You can also speak to your GP and ask for advice and support with his development.

Does the SALT person give you things to do/practice at home with him?

Yes you need to speak to someone. You also need to make sure there is someone at review meetings that understands what is being discussed so they can advocate for him, can you not take his dad or another relative if you get overwhelmed?

Hi OP

I'm sorry like others I do think it sounds likely that he has autism. Maybe none of those things on their own might not indicate autism but all together they do.

I'm interested in why you don't want him 'labelled' so young. What negatives do you think a diagnosis would lead to? His classmates and friends etc won't be told unless you tell them. The only people that will know are you, your child when you want to tell them, and the teaching staff, who may be able to provide more support (if its still needed)

Op, I would be shocked if you aren’t ND

Is it just you and your son?

Not being able to say more than a few basic words at over 4 years old
is a severe delay OP, that does suggest serious issues. Most children get to this level at or before a year. Most children can read a little by reception level etc. so it is likely your child has more than a ‘delay’ and there is a larger issue at hand. Diagnosing this will help your child, and so I am not sure why you feel defensive about it.

I can bring his dad along but he works a lot. My niece is autistic I might speak to my SIL and see if she can help. It all feels too much at the moment and I was never prepared for this

I live with my partner and other DS

Ok, and how old it your other child?

and what does your partner think (he’s the father?)

Lots of parents don't recognise it in their own children because they have it too so think what they see is 'normal'....

Your just being selfish. If proffesionals have accepted him for an assessment then that shows he has something going on

Keep denying it will just mean your child won't get the support and help they deserve as their growing up

My sister was referred for an assessment over 15 years ago. My mum point blank wouldn't have it. Forced her to go to a mainstream school where she was horrificly bullied and unsupported for years

As an adult she has gone NC with my mum as she has been diagnosed and is really upset at the lack of support she received

He is fine he passed all his milestones and is in top class for everything

It is hard with my partner he works a lot and is never able to attend appointments. He kind of just goes with the flow which I can’t it really irritates me

Naughty is a label OP, stupid is a label, autism is a diagnosis. Children aren't 'just' this delayed, there will be a reason for it and autism is the most likely.

Everything you say suggests ASD and it sounds like you're just starting to realise that you may be autistic too OP. Remember you've got this far in life so you'll be ok and so will he - but the more support you can get the better for both of you. It tends to run in families so it's not surprising your niece is autistic too.

Remember your son is still exactly the same child with or without a diagnosis. This doesn't change anything about him, he's still the same child. It will just help everyone to understand him better and hopefully get the right help and support if he has a diagnosis. Mine wasn't picked up till nearly secondary school age and i really wish we'd realised earlier.

people say this a lot but I'm wondering what support there really is for children with ASD? Sometimes I wonder if there's just the label and a lot of stigma without any really action in place?

That must be really disorienting for you to hear that he is being assessed for autism without a discussion with you. That’s not helpful for you. What’s important is that he gets the right level of support for his speech development and I would be asking how an autism assessment may affect this level of support (positively or negatively).

But a diagnosis will open doors for support for him?

If you get overwhelmed in meeting s and can't remember things, then you need to take someone with you.
A friend, relative or even ask if one of the TAs could do it for you.

Someone to make notes about what has been said, someone to say to you - is there anything you'd like repeated, any questions?

basically someone who is there for YOU.
Then after the meeting, maybe the day after, take some time to go over the meeting with that person, and make sure you understand what they said.

How old is his sibling?

Do you work op?

OP my son was diagnosed at 3 1/2. The professionals who do the assessment know the difference between speech delay and autism. The assessment process for us was 6 months and it was multidisciplinary and extensive. I know it's scary as a parent but honestly, having the diagnosis makes it a lot easier to access the support he needs. I would go into the process with an open mind and see where it goes. The school wouldn't put him forward for assessment without good reason.

exactly this