To think DS doesn’t haveautism

[TakingItall]

So the word autism has never been said by professionals. He is going through a asd assessment but I know this doesn’t mean he has it. He was non verbal until 4 and a half now he is saying some words like “bed” “milk” etc. He doesn’t like routine but that might just be him as I am the same. He understands things like get your shoes or coat. He doesn’t like being wet he will freak out but I don’t know anyone who would like to get wet when they are dressed. School said he will gag if children in the school hall are having pasta or something but maybe he just doesn’t like pasta. He won’t socialise with other children but I like to be left alone too. School says he has no sense of danger but surely this is normal for 4 year olds.

They are trying to aim asd at him and I don’t think it’s fair as he’s only 4 and they need to give him time to develop

Have you ever been assessed op?

He can say single words and sometimes a few words together. You can’t have a conversation with him and he can’t answer simple questions but I have heard children can just be delayed

Fully agree. Please don't be obstructive, OP - the earlier your son gets help, the better it is for him.

My now 11yo is AuDHD and was only officially diagnosed last year, as his father (who I'm separated from) was in absolute denial for years.

If he is diagnosed with autism he will get a lot more supports and the school will get funding for it. It’s a positive thing to get a diagnosis if that’s what he has. I have autism, high functioning female so was late diagnosed, I did not get support in school which I really needed. My dd is likely autistic and in the pathway for diagnosis. She is in year 1 and I will be doing everything I can to get her the support she needs if she is diagnosed.

Come again?

they said an asd diagnosis can take “years”?

My son (18) is incredibly loving and kind. He was diagnosed as autistic at 4 ❤️

If the school are trying to get him assessed it means they have some serious concerns. He must need one to one support and the school can't give it to him unless assessed and funded.

I would leave it to school to decide. The assesment will help pinpoint what the issues are, even if it's not autism.

Honestly OP, not able to talk much by 4.5 is quite a problem. He won't catch up unless he has the support he needs.

I hate to say it but my boy is nearly four and very similar and is very like autistic. He doesn't have much speech but understands everything and is obsessed with water and lining up cars. He is on the waiting list for an assessment. Why don't you think it is autism?

he doesn’t sound like he (or his classmates) are benefiting from mainstream school

But if he's "labelled" young doesn't that mean he'll get support sooner ?

I understand the waiting lists are huge. It makes sense to get him on the list for a diagnosis now

Autism is not a dirty word.

My kids were diagnosed later (aged 17 and aged 9). My older child was disadvantaged greatly by this. My younger child was able to access a school that meets his needs (eventually, in year 8) and this has been lifechanging for him and me.

There is a bit delayed and then there is sticking your head in the sand.

Yes, exactly.

Me too with ADHD.

OP do you think you might have traits as well?

That’s not just delayed though is it, that is significantly behind his age. Please listen to the school and support him.

I don’t want to offend I know there is nothing wrong with being autistic but I just feel like he should be given more a chance. If a diagnosis opens up to him having more support then then it is fine

He clearly does need extra support for whatever the reason, I would welcome the assessment and take whatever help is offered. Just hoping his language will catch up isn’t really a concrete plan is it. Think of your son and his needs, accept any help you are offered, work with school not against them.
Speaking as a mum of son with learning disabilities.

Children with asd don’t necessarily have every single characteristic associated with autism. It is a spectrum, and every child is different. I agree with previous poster, it sounds like your child has high needs and it might be easier for school to meet his needs if they have the additional funding.
My view is that the diagnosis itself is a route to finding the support your child needs to flourish As well as validation for what you’re already living, which sounds challenging!

Please watch 'The A Word' on BBC iplayer. It may help.

Get him properly assessed ADOS is very good.
He needs the riht support and asd can mean spiky profile eg maybe he can read though not play imaginatively. My ds has asd coukd readxearly but never played imaginatively. Needs different approach to delay.
A delay across everything is different approach.
Above all he needs communucation therapy so he can communicate beyond milk
Get the right asessments to support him properly

A chance at what though? He needs support and this is how he’ll get it. He has a much better chance at development if he is diagnosed and gets support funding.

A medical diagnosis is not a "label"

An autism diagnosis is based on significant difficulties across three different areas, based on evidence, assessment and agreement by various professionals.

Autism diagnoses aren't something that is thrown about like confetti at a wedding, despite what social media may lead you to believe.

I don't know whether it not he's autistic, but clearly something is going on which you need to investigate with school and his drs. It may be a developmental disorder, it could be a genetic condition which you really need to know about. It could be that he's got hearing difficulties (those will impact speech, ability to play with others etc). Either way, you owe it to him as his mum to get the ball rolling on investigating this. Autism is just one of any a thousand possible answers.

I am still waiting for the appointment have been told he may not be “diagnosed” until he is maybe 7ish

Hopefully the assessment will be a positive help to him in getting appropriate education. You may indeed be right that he does not have autism, but he is clearly deviating from expectations and I think you need to stay positive and see what the outcome is. You do not have to accept any of the help that might be offered - that is your choice. But his teachers might value the advice as to how they might best help him.

I am with you on the need for children to be given their own time to develop and to not be compared to specific yardsticks all the the time, but even I think that virtually non-verbal at 4 is a good reason for an assessment.

Incidentally the idea that people on the autistic spectrum have no empathy is not correct. My DGD, who is in this situation, was so gentle and loving when my OH was dying, both to me and to him.

You seem to have some stereotyped/black and white ideas of how autism presents, Op. You'll feel much better about it if you do some research. My DS is also very loving. He's also verbal, excellent at communication, and has a great imagination. He's still autistic, with what they call a very 'spiky profile' (extremely competent at some things, and huge struggles with others).