I did something stupid at the weekend. Can’t stop thinking about it. Why do I do stupid reckless stuff?

[Ineedatellingoff]

Hey. I’ll try to keep this brief. First off I need a good shake. Women who are in committed relationships/marriages should not get on like this! I feel so much guilt for what I’ve done but also glad it didn’t go further as it so could’ve easily done.

last weekend I went on a mums night out with friends. The first one in a while. It was planned ages in advance. I have been struggling with several things in my life and I feel very stuck in a rut. Day to day I get lonely because I don’t work and have been trying to get back into work with little success which has really knocked my confidence. I’m a married mum who is still fairly young but not very young if that makes sense. I’ve had a lot of trauma happen throughout my life that has damaged me as a person and my self worth. I love DH dearly but things (not lately but especially the first year of DC life) have been hard and we’ve faced issues. He’s a lovely man, husband and father.

on that night out I got very drunk because I mixed my drinks (I know better and know it’s not an excuse). I’ve been having a blip with mental health this while back and things were said to me, also setbacks etc. we were having fun just catching up and dancing. We went out of the venue to go to another when we started talking to some random men. An attractive man gave me attention. I was hugging everyone like I do when drunk. We were cuddling and I allowed him to touch me (why the heck did I do that) me and my friend (our other friend had gone off with a random men) were trying to get a taxi because everywhere was full. Random man tagged along. We got into a taxi. Me and random guy were cuddling. I knew he was looking sex and if I was single I would’ve gone for it. He wanted to go into my place (DH and DC were at in laws for the night) I told him no.

when I got in my head was spinning badly and my whole body was shivering. It had been hours since my last drink. I went straight to bed and woke up hours later to feeling the exact same. I freaked out and phoned my ex who I’m on good terms with to come over because I was worried. He came over as I thought my drink was spiked. He told me it wasn’t. I told him what had gone on. We were talking and we cuddled (I don’t see that as cheating) for a while. I liked it because I’m a cuddly girly and I love being held. The way he held me felt amazing. After a while he put me to bed and we cuddled again. Nothing else happened and I was still drunk by this point. He left. When we cuddled it felt like no time had passed in a way which sounds awful.

I feel guilty for the way I acted. Like it’s not fair on DH. Why did I let myself get that way? Me and ex talked about it. He acted better that night like he did at the start of our relationship back then. I confided in him in what I was put through and he told me that I’m not happy and while that’s partly true but I love my husband but I sometimes miss the good times and being held that way. My DH holds and cuddles me too which I enjoy.

what is wrong with me?

You did cheat. Allowing a stranger to touch you and cuddle you in the club/taxi, and then inviting your ex round to cuddle you in bed is absolutely cheating.

The word 'cuddle' is starting to sound weird to me now.

You will notice your use of the passive here.

I'll correct that for you to see if you realise the difference ...

" I should definitely not have done that part"

They were your thoughts, actions and words. No one else's. At that point I doubt you were anything like as drunk. Congratulating yourself that you did nothing more than cuddling and excusing yourself as a "cuddly girlie" is a slippery slope to full physical cheating and losing everything.

Cop on.

For those that are saying cuddling isn’t cheating. I think in normal situations of course it isn’t. I hug friends and some colleagues and family members all the time but in every case I wouldn’t care who was watching. I don’t care if my
DH is watching or if it was shown on TV.

Inviting an ex around to cuddle you in your bed isn’t something I think that people would do in front of their partners or would want their partners to see on tv. I would be heartbroken to see my DH in bed cuddling with his ex

lol if my husband invited his ex round for a cuddle in bed you’re damn right i am considering that cheating and acting accordingly. You might as well have just had sex with him.

Christ, I hope you don't have a ring doorbell.

Jeez. You are far too forgiving of yourself.

Your behaviour goes well beyond the boundary of what is reasonable for someone in a relationship. If I were in your husband’s shoes it would be over.

You need to stop navel gazing, stop believing that there are other causes for your actions. You and you alone are responsible for your behaviour.

And as for the “cuddling” stop being such a bloody child. Grow up.

I feel sorry for your DH. Get your shit together, get a job, a hobby, boredom and loneliness doesn’t help depression.

Cuddling. 🤣😆

I have to add you would be better to stop drinking as much when you go out in the future. You have a Dh, don't do anything that would compromise your relationship in future.

Your post is a whole lot of excuses. You have a ‘poor me’ attitude while betraying your family

Sorry but if a bloke had posted that he invited his ex round for "a cuddle" and they were in bed together, everyone would 100% (and rightly) be saying that they had sex.

I don't believe this OP for a second.

Anyone that needy who is inviting their ex round whilst their husband is away isn't just after a "cuddle".

Come on.

What do you want from us, OP? The username alone is pretty telling. Do you want a kicking so that you can feel you've been punished and paid your dues? That's just masochism. Will you do it again and then seek another kicking and consider it the price to pay? Or do you want us to hear the sad story and tell you it's all ok and understandable?

I agree with PP about the passive "should not have happened" when it should be "I should not have done that". Are you using alcohol as an excuse?

Is it possible that you love your husband but are not in love with him . Inviting your ex round is a red flag . Don't be to hard on your self as you may be going through a phase ..

How old are you? Your behaviour with your ex is actually pathetic. And I for one will not fall for the “I’ve been put down all my life” bullshit.

You’re a grown woman with a marriage and a family. Stop drinking all together and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are entirely responsible and in control of your own behaviour, if you chose to get pissed and fuck about with other blokes, your husband deserves a chance at finding someone who loves and respects him.

There’s no escaping Op the fact the other mums will be talking about this and word will have spread!

This sounds like it’s been written by a bloke who thinks this is how grown women talk and act.

That is true actually. It all sounds unlikely.

You’re a cheat and trying to make excuses for it 🤷‍♀️

How would you feel if your DH was tucked up in bed cuddling his ex?

Awful behaviour and no excuse for it imo

I didn’t really cheat because nothing else happened

Of course it's cheating! You allowed a strange man to feel you up, and you had an Ex over for cuddles in your marital bed.

How would you feel if your DH allowed another woman to feel his dick, and then cuddled with his Ex in your bed?

It is cheating 100%. Stop minimising and excusing what is truly disloyal behaviour.

How I wish someone I trusted had told me this as an adolescent. Instead, I read it on a mumsnet post at 67:

"Wanting attention/validation from men is deep wired in a lot of us, but it’s hollow.

As much as we’re conditioned to believe that how fuckable we are is some kind of measure of our value, it’s really not and it doesn’t make us special.

It won’t help your mental health or fill whatever is lacking in your life." @AliasGrape

I didn’t really cheat because nothing else happened And I’m sure you’ll feel completely happy and calm if you ever come home to find your drunken DH laying on your bed with his ex, just having an innocent cuddle.

Grow the fuck up. Lots of us have experienced trauma and rejection that has left us with self esteem in the gutter. Part of being a grown up is understanding that there comes a point where you can’t keep using it as an excuse every time you fuck up. You have free will, so stop pretending that you very much want to behave like a decent spouse, but there are all these factors which mean you can’t really be blamed for letting some bloke touch you while your husband is at home, looking after the kids.

If you want to stay married then think about what your trigger points are. If you can’t go out with your friends and have a drink without letting some bloke touch you, then you have to knock alcohol and nights out on the head until you can control yourself. If a night away from your husband means you’ll be looking for validation from your ex, then either go with him or keep one of the DC at home. Either that or do your DH a favour and be single until you finally realise that marriage and raising kids can be bloody hard work and that you need to put effort into your relationship to be happy.

I mean she did more than be a bit of a nob. Inviting her ex round to where her DH and DC live cuddling him is so inappropriate. If it was the other way around the husband would be flamed!

Yep.

So you'd be ok with your husband inviting his ex round and "cuddling" her in your marital bed whilst you were away with your children???

Really?!