Too Much, Too Soon?

[NattyQuail]

I met a man two weeks ago online after about a month's worth of casually talking. He seems nice and genuine. Late 40's and I'm 40. He lives about an hour's drive from me in a flat/bedsit. I have my own terraced house. He pays for his daughter who is 7. But I'm starting to think he is moving too fast with me. I've asked him to slow things down, but we've spent a lot of time together and he's stayed over nearly every time. We met up this weekend and again he stayed over. He bought me an Amazon fire stick as a surprise and then got upset when I questioned why he was fiddling with my TV. If he had told me what he was doing and why then it wouldn't have been so bad, but I ended up telling him that I felt overwhelmed and not used to this much involvement from someone whom I haven't even known for two weeks. He apologised but said he didn't feel like he'd done anything wrong. I just feel like he's taken over my life a bit and I'm starting to feel like a guest in my own sodding house!

It was nice regarding the firestick but totally unnecessary and he wouldn't even tell me what he was doing until he'd finished.

That night in bed he lightly spanked me when he was about to cum. It wasn't hard and he just did it once, but I was shocked he'd done it without discussing it beforehand. He had no idea whether I am into that sort of stuff or not. I told him not to do it again and he should have asked. He immediately apologised again and he did sound very remorseful but that on top of the Amazon firestick has given me a massive ick. The spanking more so, tbh. I told him I've never had that done by someone who cares.

AIBU - I'm overreacting?
YNBU - The ick is justified.

Trust your gut on this one. Don’t ignore your instinct.

…Woe betide anybody who messes with my TV setup! 🤣

It doesn't matter why, you have the ick, there's no coming back from that.

The Amazon firestick has given you the ‘massive ick’, you think he’s moving too fast with you but you’re already sleeping together although you’ve only known him in person two weeks? 🤣

I would also check the tv for a camera because only 2 weeks in is weird to be mucking about setting up a not asked for fire stick and I am mega suspicious

Oooh, that's a good point!

This is exactly my thought too.

I don’t understand why you’ve let him stay over so much if you don’t want to?

After two weeks you don’t need to justify anything. He’s rushed you, given you the ick and made you feel uncomfortable in your own home…go with your gut.

I don't mind him staying over ... it's just what has happened this weekend that has made me uncomfortable.

huh ? Hello ?
That is some despicable backhanded slut shaming right there.
Have you time travelled from medieval times or something ?

OP, when you imagine the two of you still together in 6 months, what do you see? And what’s your gut reaction - happy or full of deeadd? If the later, it’s time to end things.

Dread, evens 🙄

Argh

Remove and destroy the firestick, and throw it into a public bin far from your home. I wouldn't trust that man and I'm not the usual man hating mumsnetter. Trust your gut!

Find someone without children or you’ll have the 7 year old every weekend ! And it’s all too much too soon.

But you said he was moving too fast generally?

I just feel like he's taken over my life a bit and I'm starting to feel like a guest in my own sodding house!

It seems like bedsit man has designs on living elsewhere.

Hardly.

The OP has someone who she has literally only met two weeks ago staying at hers every night.

I'm judging that whatever sex someone is.

What happened to a little caution, and meeting in public until you get to know one another?

That’s a weird gift. It’s either a spy camera or he’s slowly moving in - now he can watch his favourite shows on the TV. Next he’ll have a toothbrush in the bathroom, etc. Is your house a trade up for him? Just be careful he’s not a hobosexual - there’s nothing so keen as a man in need of a home.

@CarpetKnees

Not quite, and you are twisting the core message of the previous post that I was referring to.
That comment had a very condescending tone and criticised the OP for having sex with someone they met two weeks ago. No mentions about safety in there.

He’ll show up tmrw with his belongings and saying you owe him bc he bought you a firestick. This man isn’t what you want in your life. Get rid of him like right now. He’s scary and moving way to fast.

Hand him his firestick and show him the door.

None of that would bother me on paper, but if you're feeling uncomfortable that may be your instincts warning you something is wrong.

It's that time of year, the cocklodgers are out and about op.

The fiddling with the tv and not telling you why would really raise my hackles. People who do things you didn't ask for and don't want dressed up as doing something 'nice' for you and then getting upset when questioned are best avoided. It's coercive control.

Has he suggested you meet his daughter yet? Do you ever go to his place?