Too Much, Too Soon?

[NattyQuail]

I met a man two weeks ago online after about a month's worth of casually talking. He seems nice and genuine. Late 40's and I'm 40. He lives about an hour's drive from me in a flat/bedsit. I have my own terraced house. He pays for his daughter who is 7. But I'm starting to think he is moving too fast with me. I've asked him to slow things down, but we've spent a lot of time together and he's stayed over nearly every time. We met up this weekend and again he stayed over. He bought me an Amazon fire stick as a surprise and then got upset when I questioned why he was fiddling with my TV. If he had told me what he was doing and why then it wouldn't have been so bad, but I ended up telling him that I felt overwhelmed and not used to this much involvement from someone whom I haven't even known for two weeks. He apologised but said he didn't feel like he'd done anything wrong. I just feel like he's taken over my life a bit and I'm starting to feel like a guest in my own sodding house!

It was nice regarding the firestick but totally unnecessary and he wouldn't even tell me what he was doing until he'd finished.

That night in bed he lightly spanked me when he was about to cum. It wasn't hard and he just did it once, but I was shocked he'd done it without discussing it beforehand. He had no idea whether I am into that sort of stuff or not. I told him not to do it again and he should have asked. He immediately apologised again and he did sound very remorseful but that on top of the Amazon firestick has given me a massive ick. The spanking more so, tbh. I told him I've never had that done by someone who cares.

AIBU - I'm overreacting?
YNBU - The ick is justified.

Almost like he is claiming territory by setting up the firestick on your tv without checking with you first and staying over multiple times when you only just met him two weeks ago. Might sound dramatic but I would also be concerned about possible hidden cameras. This person's making himself a bit too comfortable too quickly.

It's making you uncomfortable and with good reason. Follow your gut instinct.

Sounds like a cocklodger looking for his next place to freeload……… He’ll be declaring his undying love for you shortly OP!

Notwithstanding the fire stick the slapping you without any discussion is worrying. He’s testing your boundaries, it’s not something you would do unless you were into that so he’s clearly showing hints of what he likes. Whether you enjoy that or not is up to you OP but a word of caution - those who understand safe, sane, consensual relationships understand the importance of communication and consent. It doesn’t appear this one does.

I would bet real money that somewhere in the Relationships board is a post from the mother of this prince’s child. Asking for help because her lazy pervert hubby won’t help parent but wants her to pander to his preferences nightly. Just saying.

I've been a sole home owner since 30. I'm 40 now. I don't think I've ever been out with a man except 1 who owned his own house.
However, all the guys I've seen in the past 3-4 years have all wanted me for my financial situation, nothing else. They've just wanted to use, use and use me.

Your comment from a recent thread Op. You've met another user.

Next time you meet someone try not to divulge too much personal financial info, you need to weed out the cocklodgers.

wannabe cocklodger
he bought himself an amazon fire stick for his new house

I’ve got the ick and it wasn’t me he was slapping 🤮.

How are you in this predicament. Surely after 2 weeks you’re still on meeting for dinner and drinks not sleep overs?!

Anyhow, the tv thing gets my spidey senses going. I’d be throwing him back

It’s too early to be getting the ick for any reason. Time to get rid.

Have you suggested going to his?
Be interesting to see what his flat is like? Does his daughter stay at his? Is there enough space?
Look out for him angling to move in

Yes, I thought this. Cuffing season so he is setting up the tv to suit him.

Trust your instincts OP.

I'm not twisting anything.

I know others can't seen the reaction emojis, but several other people have agreed with what I said via emoji, plus others posting later.

OP just hang on, seriously! Way too much, way too soon.

@NattyQuail I don't think this is about timing/ length of your relationship. You've got the ick, so end it. It doesn't feel right in your gut and you feel anxious about a few things. You don't need to justify your anxieties and your safety is the most important thing here. End it with him, and find someone who you feel completely safe and comfortable with.

Ugh, he sounds awful. So many red flags- especially the unexpected spanking. That was non-consensual and he should definitely have discussed with you beforehand. Get rid OP.

Are you really so naive?
He's moving in OP.

You don't know him and he's taken over your TV?
As for spanking you?
Bloody hell.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk for goodness sake.

You have a shocking lack of boundaries and are very vulnerable to have allowed this.

No wonder you have the Ick, he's a creep looking for housing.

Fire stick and so many stayovers in 2 weeks, he's looking for a new place to live and that would be your place.

First, he should have asked you about altering your tv setup and hitting/spanking. Both of those are giant red flags when you haven't discussed and agreed to them. This is after a mere 2 weeks of seeing you. He's got no boundaries and you haven't been showing you have any either. He messed with your living space and hit you after 2 weeks.

Remove the fire stick, if that's what it is and block. This guy's not going to improve your life.

I wonder if it's actually a fire stick. They're a super easy install.

With all due respect, you talk about him like you've been together for a year ('we do go out'). Your instincts are screaming at you. Listen to them, because they're usually right x

He’s trying to get his feet under the table. Wants to be out of the bedsit and cock lodging asap

Dump him immediately, you’ll never be shot of him otherwise. Intrusive entitled little fecker.

He's got his feet under the table after 2 weeks, his favourite apps on the TV, the sofa will be his now, he'll be stuck to it, he he probably thinks he'll get maid service as well, drinks, food,sex. Cut him off now, he's a CF you don't need a reason, or owe him anything.

You speak as if you have no agency in this.

My current partner and I have been together for coming up for 3 years.

At the two week mark, we d just gone on our third date. First sleep over and intimacy after nearly 2 months.

He bought me a firestick for my birthday this year, only after establishing with me that I wanted one and left it to me to set up.

I suppose the difference is my partner was financially stable when I met him and owned his home, and yours is in a bedsit, so no wonder he's keen to get his feet under the table in your nice home.

Just get rid of him and in future dictate and control the pace. Not comfortable with something don't say yes.

Just get rid, oh my goodness

Why was one of the first things you mentioned is that he pays for his daughter? That jumped out at me as if you're already trying to defend him before you finished your post.

I mean, a light slap on the bum during sex wouldn't bother me - as long as it was pretty light - but he is love-bombing you. That is a bad sign. A worse sign is his lack of acceptance when you brought it up with him.

Also, he's nearly a decade older than you. I see limp dick and diapers in your future way before your time. 🤣 Get yourself a cute 37-year-old!