To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?

[LadyGreyjoy]

We have an 18 month old and have just got back from a week all inclusive in Spain. Obviously we did just parent out daughter in a different place, but I don't see that as a bad thing and certainly not a reason to say there was no point in going. I love being a mum, I waited a long time for my daughter due to infertility and I've been dreaming of family holidays for years. Whilst I still had to do the parenting (which I enjoy doing anyway) I didn't have to cook, wash up or clean, the food was lovely and far better than we cook at home, I did no laundry for a week and instead of working all day and only getting two hours in the evening with my daughter a day I got to play in the pool/on the beach with her all day every day for a week. After she was asleep instead of watching TV and being too tired to do anything we sat on the balcony listening to the music from the bar and drank cocktails and chatted, real quality time with my husband I am usually too tired to enjoy.

On here there are many threads making out a holiday with small children is shit and not worth the effort and that hasn't been my experience at all. The journey there and back was a bit rough and exactly what I expected it to be like tbh. Other than that it's been bliss and I would 10/10 recommend people go and do it. I was kind of dreading it after reading all the threads here but I wish I hadn't worried about it so much now.

You are not the sharpest tool 🤭

I am being “judgey” about someone seemingly struggling to understand how people have different parenting experiences and holidays

Have a read

it is massively in favour of…. What are you on about Op 😵‍💫

She hasn't struggled to understand, she has shared her own experience, she is allowed to do that. The world doesn't revolve around your rigid beliefs.

that head really is tightly lodged up there isn’t it? 😆

She's just a bully trying to belittle my life choices because other people being happy clearly pisses her off.

There are lots of these types on MN. They're part of what makes AIBU so entertaining!

I think you may be misinterpreting people's complaints slightly OP, I've only ever seen people complaining in that way who are going self catering (usually due to cost), that sort of holiday is not at all comparable with the type you have come back from.

Why would people say, "same shit different location", when they are all inclusive with no cooking, cleaning and kids clubs/entertainment to send the kids to? Most people hugely enjoy the difference in pace!

Happy to be proven wrong, but I think you may be comparing apples and oranges.

@LadyGreyjoy I understand the complaints. Because I'm not an idiot.

My 6, 4 and 3 year olds are the most chilled out, happy go lucky kids I've ever met. I genuinely enjoy their company and we have loads of fun together. If I had the money I'd happily take them to an AI and we'd play, swim, eat, have a brilliant time in the sun and we'd all love it.

But all kids are different. I absolutely recognise that my parenting experience is not the one everyone - or even most people - get, so if you had a more challenging child, or more than one, or a different age then I do y understand why YOU can't 'understand' why people don't want to go on holiday.

Would you like to hear that you're a better parent? Or just hear oh my goodness you're so lucky, I'm jealous of you?

DD is out! I’ll leave you to your struggles Op

My kids are waaaay past this age but you sound exceptionally smug OP.

ONE small child, between two adults. Child goes to bed at bedtime. Child isn’t unsettled or upset at being away from home, so is happy the majority of the time.

OP - absolutely ridiculous post. Not because you had a brilliant time, that’s great. Many people can and do have a good time with small children. But can you really “not understand” why this may not be the case for everyone?! Really?! Come back in a few years and tell us how the rest of your holidays have been OP and we can have a good laugh

I'm not struggling darling, but you keep telling yourself whatever you need to to make yourself feel better 😘

Absolutely agree re: the memories - holidays with small kids are very much type 2 fun (not actually fun at the time, worth it in retrospect!)

Definitely also think it depends very much on your kids

Come back OP when you’ve got 3 under 5 …not worse the hassle

It took us way too many years to understand that self catering with three tots was never going to work. It was just the same housework as at home without the convenience of things you have organised the way you like them. DH and I both ended up getting sick on those holidays. We would never have afforded a hotel based holiday.
Then when we found those activity holidays (am I allowed to say PGL?), fully catered and all activities organised for the whole family; it was a game-changer. So we did a lot of those. The only downside was parents having to do abseiling as well - not too bad! Got to meet some great other families that way too.

I think you’re underestimating the number of children who will find the change in routine/ food/ sleep hard. It’s not saying that holidays are still
not fun, but very hard work to keep the children happy and regulated.

An outlier? Here are posts from people who agreed with the OP, from the first page alone.

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I'm with you OP. The "same shit different location" was never my experience. The different location is the point. We don't get to do quite as much on our holidays as they used to because we can't reasonably make the DC walk so far or prioritise another museum over some extra pool time.

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I’m with you, op. I think the key is that you have to adjust your expectations- if your idea of a holiday is drinking margaritas by the pool all day or clubbing or reading on the beach for hours then obviously some things will have to change. It’s a different sort of holiday.

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I think some people just don't enjoy parenting. That isn't their fault - nobody really knows how they're going to feel about it until they find themselves in that position. And if you don't like parenting, then you're not going to enjoy it any more in a different country, I suppose.
I was fortunate enough to find that I loved being a mum, and having time with our dd on holiday was nothing but a pleasure, but I get that it's a grind for some people, wish is a shame. Hopefully, some will find it more enjoyable as their dc get older.

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I absolutely love holidays with my kids too but I never took them abroad until they were over 3 and a large age gap meant I only ever had one pre school age at a time which was much easier. Of course they weren’t perfect but on the whole the balance was much more positive than negative.

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You’re a parent wherever you go, on holiday or not. Who actually expects it to be different? If you don’t enjoy it, don’t go, and if you don’t want to be a parent, don’t be one. Holidays with small children aren’t always relaxing - that’s not news.

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Loved taking my kid places when she was 18months old and under - it is not easy with a 3/4 year old - especially as people say when you go self catering. Every kid is different but ours gets so excited she won’t go to bed easily for the first few nights and just runs up and down hyper until about 11pm. Then she is cranky in the day and having tantrums over tiny things - she also wants all of the treats all of the time and won’t accept no for an answer.

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Some people resent having children, and if they can't have the same holidays than before, they moan. There's also a certain category of people who must have a routine to the minute, want to put their kids to bed at 4 in the afternoon (and then complain the kids are up at 5am 😂)
I find time on holidays much easier with children, from pretty much birth

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A lot of people seem to hate parenting, OP, and much prefer staying home to work to going on holiday where they have to be wit their children more. You enjoyed it because you enjoy your child.. And I'm glad you did! You'll have lots of lovely holidays

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I went to Greece with my daughter when she was a year old. She was fine except for one moment on the beach, when we had to leave. When we arrived in hotel she had a huge smile on her face and had done the most humongous nappy job ever. Well, that texplained the screaming, poor mite. I was really proud of her.

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I first took mine abroad when they were 5 and 22 months. Self catering. Two weeks in Canaries and we had an absolute blast.

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I personally love holidays with my children but I don't go with expectations. As long as they are having fun I'm happy.

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I've always enjoyed holidays with DS, from a baby to older. That includes caravan parks in the UK, SC abroad, AI abroad, long haul, Short haul, cruises. I'm definitely not what someone would call a natural mother either 🤣 so I personally don't get it what people say it's not worth bothering going on holiday with kids.

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Agree OP. We had 2/3 holidays a year either DS from age of 14 months to 15 years and never ever felt it was just parenting in a different place. We really had so many fabulous trips.

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I’m with you OP, i appreciate maybe we were lucky but she was great on holiday, went to sleep fine and we sat on the balcony, some evenings slept in the pushchair at the bar (sat away from the stage etc so not too loud)

I have 5 kids and still find holidays enjoyable. They’re 11, 9, 7, 1 and 0 and we go away twice a year. When the boys were 6/4/2 and so on we still went away and enjoyed it. So I don’t think saying “come back when your kids are older/you have more” is necessarily accurate for everybody.

Can you not see though that your holiday feels so great because a. It's all inclusive so you do less home work stuff b. You get barely any family time outside of holidays. Although if you only work 4 days, surely you have three days with DD?

4 months was the earliest I think. Easiest age tbh!

The OP? Her thread is "To not understand the "holidays with small children is just parenting in a different place" complaints?"

One of those posts where you think "bless their little cotton socks."

I love being with my dc. Loved the baby years - even loved the toddler years. It was easier having them at home. You have their toys, their sleep place, their routine isn't out of whack, medicine if they need it, you know where they like to go etc

But, oh dear, if you can't work out without it being pointed out to you, that going to an all inclusive with one placid 18 month old is different to taking 3 under 7yos to a self-catering then you probably need to try thinking a little harder.

Very much this. I still enjoy holidays but I always take a bit of extra leave before I go back to work now, as I really do need a holiday to recover from my holiday.

DD (5) is autistic - when she was 18m old I could hardly leave the house with her never mind go on holiday. However, time has passed, we’ve learnt to cope and I absolutely love seeing DD enjoying things I never thought she’d do. But it is still bloody knackering keeping the show on the road.

Even toddler DS, who was a revelation to travel with as a baby (so easy!), is hard to keep regulated when we’re away. He struggles to sleep and goes a bit wild through over tiredness.

This is so unnecessary and childish I don't really know where to start. What a nasty thing to say to someone.

I loved holidays with my 3 children when they were younger, they’re all adults now
I lived for school holidays and weekends!
we had our own touring caravan, so every opportunity we we away. In the 6 weeks summer holidays my husband would take us and the caravan somewhere and leave us there and he’d come home because he had to work and he’d join us weekends.
it was bliss, one of my daughters has ADJD, and being able to have her freedom and the space to be wild suited us all!
id still have cooking, dishes, laundry and cleaning to do every day, I fact the laundry was more than being home because they’d be out playing regardless of the weather every day and also beach & swimming!
Id love to go back to those days!

Have you seen her posts to me? Calling me thick? That was fine though right?