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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu and an ungrateful cow?

87 replies

Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 19:51

My mil has always done us a Christmas hamper.

Just to be clear we’ve never asked her for this and we are not hard up for food or anything like that but it was always a lovely welcome gesture. She’d put in some treats like a tub of chocolates, some hot chocolate, nice dips/sauces/chutney, crisps, biscuits, a few cooking sauces and a bottle of wine.

The past few years the hampers have gone really weird. It’s like she’s cleared out the back of her cupboards and there’ll be 10 tins of value/basics soup, a tin of corned beef/spam/tinned meatballs, a lot of the things are out of date with the record being something THREE YEARS out of date. Half used bottles of handwash and things that have clearly been regifted because they’re dirty/used.

Mil is not short of money.

I wouldn’t ever say anything to her, but aibu to feel it’s a bit of an insult giving us a hamper of out of date and weird random items?

OP posts:
Borethefuckoff · 02/11/2025 19:52

I’d get my DH to ask her why she’s giving you crap?

ohyesido · 02/11/2025 19:53

Is she quite all right? My first thought was perhaps deteriorating health

WhatNoRaisins · 02/11/2025 19:54

Has she gone on some sort of eco kick?

FuzzyWolf · 02/11/2025 19:55

Does she have signs of dementia?

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 02/11/2025 19:55

Dh's boss who has been a friend since college proudly handed him a gift bag last Christmas..
With less than a fiver's worth of stuff in.
Him and his siblings are actually worth millions each.
He never pays dh on time which pisses me off.
Always some excuse..
Twat.

Alicethruthemirror · 02/11/2025 19:55

ohyesido · 02/11/2025 19:53

Is she quite all right? My first thought was perhaps deteriorating health

This. I’d be worried about her OP.

wonderstuff · 02/11/2025 19:55

Have there been other changes in her behaviour?

Bigtreeesss · 02/11/2025 19:57

Surely your Dh says “mum one of the tins you gave us was three years out of date, have you got a receipt to get your money back?” Or something similar?

Butterflywings84 · 02/11/2025 19:59

Has your DH not said anything to her? I think I would have made some sort of joke of “have you had a cupboard clear out mum”. Do you think maybe she is tired of doing them but now feels she has to keep it up - maybe suggest she doesn’t need to this year

WatchingTheDetective · 02/11/2025 19:59

I would worry that something was up with her, tbh. It does seem completely out of character.

If I thought someone was doing this to be tightfisted or nasty, I'd open the hamper in front of them and talk through every item, but I don't think that's the case here.

Has she shown any signs of being forgetful? Is she worried about money, even if she doesn't need to be?

Jamfirstest · 02/11/2025 20:01

Are you sure there arnt money issues? This sounds like she feels she has to keep this up. I hope she’s ok.

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:03

She’s fine health wise, she’s quite young and only in her 60s.

Dh did mention it to her, I think it was the Christmas before last. She’d sent something, we went to eat some and it was completely gone off. They was the thing that was 3 years out of date.

Dh tried to excuse it, like with the half used handwash he says perhaps it leaked, but it hadn’t leaked in the hamper and besides, there were too many used, broken, out of date things for it to be a one off.

I don’t think I’d have the heart to tell her she’s giving us a bag of crap but I’m glad it’s not just me who thinks it’s strange.

Its not really usual to give someone out of date tins, tinned meat and used toiletries as a Christmas treat is it?

OP posts:
Zov · 02/11/2025 20:04

Butterflywings84 · 02/11/2025 19:59

Has your DH not said anything to her? I think I would have made some sort of joke of “have you had a cupboard clear out mum”. Do you think maybe she is tired of doing them but now feels she has to keep it up - maybe suggest she doesn’t need to this year

This. ^ It's your husband's mother @Thimgsaregettingweird why is HE not saying something?

If she does carry on, just bin the stuff that's out of date, and give the other stuff to the food bank.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 02/11/2025 20:04

Regift them back to her this Christmas..

EleanorReally · 02/11/2025 20:04

what a shame

EleanorReally · 02/11/2025 20:06

did she know you werent grateful about the hampers and is now getting her own back
was it for Christmas and why did you get it early?

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:06

Jamfirstest · 02/11/2025 20:01

Are you sure there arnt money issues? This sounds like she feels she has to keep this up. I hope she’s ok.

100% no money issues.

They are very well off, have property, assets, lots of holidays, house renovations.

OP posts:
Sometimessmiling · 02/11/2025 20:08

ohyesido · 02/11/2025 19:53

Is she quite all right? My first thought was perhaps deteriorating health

Agree it was the first sign of my Nan being ill

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:09

EleanorReally · 02/11/2025 20:06

did she know you werent grateful about the hampers and is now getting her own back
was it for Christmas and why did you get it early?

I’m not sure but I always personally said thank you before and commented that we had really enjoyed them so I wouldn’t say we were ungrateful.

I was just highlighting that we aren’t desperate for food where we needed 10 out of date tins. The hampers were a treat (or so I thought).

These hampers have been going on for 20 years but the past few years they have become weirder and weirder.

OP posts:
RoseAlone · 02/11/2025 20:09

I would be more concerned about her health than not getting enough goodies

Linenpickle · 02/11/2025 20:11

Can your dh ask your fil?

EleanorReally · 02/11/2025 20:13

sounds very strange
she has got an odd idea from somewhere, perhaps she is donating the lovely foods to the food bank and giving you the less lovely foods?

Original poster
Thimgsaregettingweird · 02/11/2025 20:13

RoseAlone · 02/11/2025 20:09

I would be more concerned about her health than not getting enough goodies

She’s not a frail elderly woman she’s an active woman in her 60s with a very full life and her own business.

OP posts:
TheAutumnalCrow · 02/11/2025 20:14

Maybe it’s eyesight. My DP can’t find or read BBE dates, I’m hopeless without my glasses, DSD can never find hers … we’re like a family of moles squinting and lost in a pantry.

SilverPink · 02/11/2025 20:15

Butterflywings84 · 02/11/2025 19:59

Has your DH not said anything to her? I think I would have made some sort of joke of “have you had a cupboard clear out mum”. Do you think maybe she is tired of doing them but now feels she has to keep it up - maybe suggest she doesn’t need to this year

I think this, if it’s been going on 20 years. Maybe at first she enjoyed finding different food for the hamper and now she can’t really be bothered, but doesn’t know whether she can give you something different, or even what to get, so she just clears the basics out her cupboard the week before.