Aibu and an ungrateful cow?

[Thimgsaregettingweird]

My mil has always done us a Christmas hamper.

Just to be clear we’ve never asked her for this and we are not hard up for food or anything like that but it was always a lovely welcome gesture. She’d put in some treats like a tub of chocolates, some hot chocolate, nice dips/sauces/chutney, crisps, biscuits, a few cooking sauces and a bottle of wine.

The past few years the hampers have gone really weird. It’s like she’s cleared out the back of her cupboards and there’ll be 10 tins of value/basics soup, a tin of corned beef/spam/tinned meatballs, a lot of the things are out of date with the record being something THREE YEARS out of date. Half used bottles of handwash and things that have clearly been regifted because they’re dirty/used.

Mil is not short of money.

I wouldn’t ever say anything to her, but aibu to feel it’s a bit of an insult giving us a hamper of out of date and weird random items?

Dementia obviously

Oooh yes the update shows that the nice treaty hamper is the anomaly here... not the crap hamper.

I wonder if she was getting the nice hamper for free for some reason and regifting it, either unaware of how nice the stuff in it was, or not caring as its not the sort of thing she likes.

Now, she's no longer getting the free hamper, doesn't have it to regift, feels trapped into providing some sort of hamper... so is making one up out of utter trash from her cupboards.

That was my first thought as well.

My grandma used to do a family hamper for us when I was growing up. Lovely stuff in it, and decently high-value, because they weren't short of money.
But in her last few years it got weird. Instead of fancy biscuits and cakes, we got multipacks of kitchen sponges and single yellow dusters.
There was maybe two years of weird, then it turned out she had dementia.

This totally OP, whilst there might not be any other signs, this could be the first sign even if going on for a couple of years.
There will be other things but she is probably better at hiding them.

My mum started showing signs of dementia in her mid-50s. Also a strong, active, fit, dynamic woman with a job etc. This sort of thing was one of the first signs.

I wouldn't so easily discount that she isn't okay. I would also discuss it with her, or have your partner do so.

There are some really strange families out there - why isn't your DH plonking the whole thing back on her kitchen table and going through the contents with her.

If she's that fragile with him; he needs to tell her just not to bother.

I'd be returning the compliment and giving her a Xmas wish list of my own. And keep a weather eye out for other odd behaviour. Being youngish and fit doesn't preclude the onset of dementia.

Maybe you have unknowingly pissed her off.
Regift the hamper. Stop adhering to her wish list in future.

If you won’t talk to her, or your DH won’t, just don’t go and collect it. Especially if they just leave it on the porch.

id also not get the things she asks for either.

This is just the sort of weird shit my ex MIL used to pull. I still remember the year of OOD fruit tea bags (we didn’t drink fruit tea), budget brand toothpaste (?!) and cling film. In fairness, everyone got cling film that year..! I dont know what my ex got her, she was batshit and totally his problem. I just used to laugh about it.

How old is she? Could it be a sign of early dementia? It sounds out of character for her.

Hi op maybe your dh should say I can’t get there before Christmas so let’s leave the hampers from now on then say we will do presents as usual and if she wants to do a hamper tell her to give it to a food bank then she might just not bother.