Cost of living or prioritising the wrong things 🤔

[Sbrown32]

Firstly, this is not to offend anyone, I just find it a interesting debate that I recently came across and wanted to know others opinions on this.

Is it the cost of living or are we prioritising the wrong things?

When I came across this, the woman who was discussing this topic had some really good points (in my opinion), back in the day, we prioritised differently, we didn't have a takeaway each week (guilty of this myself tbh), food deliveries on our phone, we didn't grab a coffee on the way to work every morning, family trips out to the cinema or nights out used to be a treat not a given etc

I am pregnant with my first, and looking at ways we can cut down on spending whilst I am on MAT leave, when I really looked into my spending habits I have realised that I do a lot of these myself, I get a coffee each morning usually with a breakfast meal deal of some sort, we have a takeaway each week and we spend a lot on going out, date nights, cinema trips and going to nice places to eat etc.

I haven't decided myself if I fully agree with this or not yet so please be respectful.

I remember going shopping for office clothes for my first job in 2000 and a decent skirt from M&S was £35.

They don’t have many skirts I’d class as work-appropriate at the moment (just looking at M&S own brand for comparison) but the closest to what I bought then is £32. I doubt the quality is the same, though.

My husband's family are tenant farmers.
His parents managed to buy a house on his salary when they got married. She became a SAHP as soon as they had children and didn't work outside the house since then. They still managed to go on foreign holidays every year.

My husband and I both work (him on the farm and me employed off the farm, but work from home, so no travel or work clothes expenses). We can't afford to buy a house on both of our salaries. We have had a few holidays in the UK. I've not been abroad in over 20 years. We have two children. We can't get takeaways around here, so certainly no daily coffees or meal deals. We don't smoke or drink. I cut my own hair, don't wear makeup, and hardly ever buy new clothes. Our money pretty much goes on food, bills, and our children's expenses (rural, so we have to pay for a school bus). There certainly isn't enough left over for a mortgage or foreign holiday.

People who copy friends and influencers and must get the latest fad then in debt in money because of it. Are very sad and need to realise that being unique is nicer than being a sheep. Plus can show yourself more.

I rather have an excellent credit rating (which i
have) than copying latest trends .

I mean, disprove it.

Farming is in a bad way - we spend less on food because we spend too much on housing and so farmers suffer

Smoking more likely among lower socioeconomic groups:

https://academic.oup.com/ntr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/ntr/ntaf133/8198459

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/aug/03/smoking-related-cancer-twice-as-prevalent-among-poor-in-england

Prove it?

Well the modern equivalent for a person on minimum wage would be buying a skirt or top from a basic chain store that cost 100 pounds. And that was standard - you couldn't get anything much cheaper.

I consider coffees and takeaways as treats, but we splurge on days out (though we usually pay half the normal cost due to various money saving measures). We don't spend money on smoking, alcohol, gym, childcare, haircuts, beauty treatments, a cleaner.
I'm a sahm which is a real luxury nowadays, and we spend lots on children's extracurriculars and activities because those are our priorities. We're not struggling with the cost of living mainly due to being fortunate and skilled with work and investment decisions (no family money). We have a high mortgage due to being close to work (in London) which is also about our priorities - not being car dependent and being close enough to get home quickly rather than having a long commute and a suburban lifestyle.

I'm sure there are people like this, but as a social worker you wouldn't be involved with the hundreds of thousands of people who are actually doing the best they can with what is coming in - the people who are prioritising their children over themselves, and making sure they are warm, fed, and clean.

It's the Internet, I don't have to do your googling.

I don’t do any of those things. I take my flask of coffee with me to university, and my lunch. DH and I take sandwiches with us if we’re going out over lunchtime. I walk when I can to avoid the transport costs. I haven’t been to the cinema in 2 years…

Perhaps for YOU it’s your priorities. But for many it’s the cost of living.

Im the adolescents team not family safe guarding now so see both types of budgeting as tricky teens are from families of all types with all manner of priorities.

Also see lots families slogging their guts out, prioritising the important things and putting kids first that still have social care involvement

I know what you’re getting at tho
I was just pointing out that some families whose children are effectively living in poverty are not doing so because there is not enough monet to have their needs met.

Their parents/ mum are spending the money elsewhere as I said in the post

I get the bus to work opposite Greggs. See the same parents with DC entering there before school and coming out with a pastry each. One mum has 3 DC. A bake is around £2.20. £6.60. For the same price she could get 4 boxes of own label cereal which lasts 3 weeks.

Oh don’t get me started …
Have these conversations at least every other day…
drives me potty

I work hard, always have done, why shouldnt I buy what I like? We pay all our bills, we’ve raised 3 fabulous children.
They have had what they need in life, we’ve made lots of happy memories
The amount of profit the energy companies make is indecent, the food companies too, the rich get richer thats for sure.
Not sure how old these people are that say they didnt have treats, take outs, coffee etc, well good for you, bore off! Yawn!
I’m late 50’s and I certainly enjoyed life in my 20’s, worked and played hard.
Coffee shops weren't around much way back then, we did eat out tho, went to the cinema, had lovely holidays, things changed when we had children.
What is life about if you cant have treats, I cant stand scrooges, drain the joy out of everything, what is the saying? “You know the cost of everything but the value of nothing”
Spend your money how you like, its no-ones business but your own.

I think you have missed the bit where people are drowning in debt. Klarna etc to pay for "treats" they cant afford.
They cant buy a house
No-one has said anyone needs to live a life of sackcloth and ashes, no idea where you have got that from
The whole premise of the thread is
Is it CoL or overspending causing people issues?
If you don't have issues then it's not a problem !

You sound very silly telling people to bore off age late 50s ...

We don't buy coffees, eat takeaways or go out very often. Clothes are supermarket, Vinted or charity shop. We drive old bangers, paid off years ago. But we do spend on nice holidays. We are lucky to have a low mortgage and no childcare costs. Household income approx £80k.

I am pretty sure she already knows that.
Maybe it is something they all enjoy and it part of their daily routine.
It is not affecting you at all in any way.

I’m in my mid 40s and both my grandparents worked to afford to buy a home; same for parents and many of the other families around when I was growing up. It must have been very very long time ago when one income could buy a house.
i do agree life used to be much simpler and what today is considered a given used to be a luxury- buying hot drinks, eating out, (multiple) holidays, etc.

The one income thing is very misleading.
What it actually means is the woman's work was not recognised.
.So the Husband would be an insert job here but his wife who could have worked around her children wasn't mentioned.

All the women in my family for decades WOH and in it but they were called Housewives so as not to shame their husbands

My aunties jointly ran a shop, my DGM was a cleaner, took in laundry and was a nanny
None of it ever mentioned.

I mentioned the 1970s upthread.
Interest rates skyrocketed and were high for the entire decade.( 7.5 - 17.5%)
It took the whole male salary to pay the mortgage
Our family then lived on my DM wages, but the fact she worked ?
Never mentioned

This resonates with me 2008-9 for us. I remember crying over the winter gas bill and hoping that DC's little friends wouldn't need to stay for food if they came round after school. I took sandwiches and apples from the tree in the garden everywhere we went. Having to put the fare to work on a credit card.

That may be the case, but you have no idea what the children are eating, at home. The Mother could be spending that much, of a Morning, and the rest of the time, giving the children low cost meals.

Or she might actually be well off and just like Greggs stuff.
Am not sure how the PP mentioning her can assume anything about this mum's finances by what she saw.

We're fairly well off. My kids still love a Greggs.