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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cost of living or prioritising the wrong things 🤔

352 replies

Sbrown32 · 02/11/2025 15:46

Firstly, this is not to offend anyone, I just find it a interesting debate that I recently came across and wanted to know others opinions on this.

Is it the cost of living or are we prioritising the wrong things?

When I came across this, the woman who was discussing this topic had some really good points (in my opinion), back in the day, we prioritised differently, we didn't have a takeaway each week (guilty of this myself tbh), food deliveries on our phone, we didn't grab a coffee on the way to work every morning, family trips out to the cinema or nights out used to be a treat not a given etc

I am pregnant with my first, and looking at ways we can cut down on spending whilst I am on MAT leave, when I really looked into my spending habits I have realised that I do a lot of these myself, I get a coffee each morning usually with a breakfast meal deal of some sort, we have a takeaway each week and we spend a lot on going out, date nights, cinema trips and going to nice places to eat etc.

I haven't decided myself if I fully agree with this or not yet so please be respectful.

OP posts:
Outside9 · 04/11/2025 09:39

I think both can be true.

When I see people on £200K household income complaining they're struggling, that signals a lifestyle issue more than anything to me.

On other hand, I can't believe how much basic foods costs now.

Cheeseontoastghost · 04/11/2025 09:40

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 04/11/2025 09:32

Agree with this. People seem to think that just working full time should entitle you to luxuries, why is that?
Working full time is necessary to support yourself, a warm comfortable home, secure income, food on the table. Whats 'basic' about that? People seem to have decided a simple life, with home cooked food, things like packed lunches, coffee in a flask, evenings spent at home watching a film on tv rather than going out, is some sort of miserable poverty existence when in reality throughout most of history this would have been something the vast majority were happy with?
My grandparents both worked. Because yes, it's a myth that there was some golden era when families were comfortable on one salary, plenty of women back in the 50's worked to contribute to the family income, they worked in shops, took in ironing, did childcare for others, taught etc. They worked hard and considered themselves to be dping well with a secure roof over their heads (a very modest terrace with kids sharing bedroom), simple meals.

Why are peoples expectations that anyone working must have luxuries? Work isn't an exception its the norm, everyone should expect to have to work in order to live.

SM in particular is behind this
In the past having money was about having savings, budgeting, a comfortable home etc

Now it's about how much you are seen to have and spend
Debt is now called credit.
Some of the young people I chat to seem to have no idea, it's astonishing they think credit availability means they are doing well with no thought to how much debt they have, it's frightening.
They just feel entitled to spend money they don't have

InveterateWineDrinker · 04/11/2025 09:40

I think one of the big differences between standards of living now and at some point in the distant past is the availability of consumer credit. When I was a kid in the Seventies if you couldn't afford it, you couldn't have it. Now you can, and it has drastically altered people's assumptions of what kind of lifestyle you should have on a given income.

Ultimately, GDP per head - the measure of the wealth created per person - in the UK only returned to 2007 levels this year, 2025. In that time, prices have risen 70% due to inflation. The UK is no longer a rich, developed country. It is a poor, de-developing country which cannot afford developed country lifestyles and welfare.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/11/2025 09:42

When my step daughter moved out (albeit briefly) at the bottom of her wardrobe were aroubd 12/13 temu/shein packages all half opened with clothing/accessories all with tags still on

She told us she ‘couldn’t be bothered’ at the time to send them back as it was too much hassle and the stiff was ‘so cheap anyway’
We told her to take them to the charity shop or stick on Vinted /ebay in that case

She binned the lots

her dad needed a lay down after that level of flippancy!

MightyGoldBear · 04/11/2025 09:44

For us there is simply no more cloth to cut. It's always been a very small bit of cloth in the first place.
Prioritising the wrong things isn't really a option when you're aware but don't have much wiggle room. Ofcourse yes we could not buy food and buy alcohol instead but there is other things going on when people make those kind of decisions.

I've never bought a take away coffee. We don't eat out often its a treat. We go to the cinema once a year as a treat. Never had a gym membership, don't smoke or drink. None of us has hobbies or clubs. Use the heating minimal. Cheap mobiles use the free 6months of netflix then switch to 6months free of disney. Don't do abroad holidays do budget £180-£300 holidays. Never had nails done.

We have always lived like this. We grew up like this. Despite earning a lot more than our parents. It's quite demoralising to never really move out of the same standard of living or to have worse living no matter what you earn (if feels). I do still think we are incredibly lucky for the things we do have. I did just think there would be more wiggle room to really prioritise say an abroad holiday. But after the essentials there really isn't. Even if we didn't do our cheap holiday for many years my children would be grown up by the time we'd saved enough.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/11/2025 09:47

Outside9 · 04/11/2025 09:39

I think both can be true.

When I see people on £200K household income complaining they're struggling, that signals a lifestyle issue more than anything to me.

On other hand, I can't believe how much basic foods costs now.

In fairness food as a percentage of income has always been cheap in the UK
If you’re in any doubt go to a French supermarket - will blow your mind.

Wellthatsacharlingknot · 04/11/2025 09:49

I find it impossible, as someone in their early sixties, to describe how modestly we lived in when I was a child, to someone in their twenties or early thirties now.

I lived in the north of England in the seventies and we weren’t poor but there were six of us. Ice on the inside of the bathroom windows.No central heating. Dad grew veg. Us children had two pairs of shoes each; school shoes and a pair of gym plimsolls. That was it. If we went to a birthday party, we polished our school shoes.

We wore hand me downs from our older siblings. Mum let down our clothes at the hem and the sleeves. We had a nice Sunday joint but then every single ounce of leftovers were made in to cottage pie, pasties, just gravy to have over Yorkshires, mulligatawny soup, and when that ran out, we ate beef dripping on toast. Having been a teenager during WW2, my mum saved bits of string, bits of soap, brown paper, and tin foil. Everything was re-used.

We went on holiday to the seaside for one week a year. We felt sophisticated when the waiter at the hotel served us with a tiny glass of fruit juice as a starter. Or a serving of tinned grapefruit!

We went to the zoo once a year, and took a picnic of bread rolls and boiled eggs with salt and pepper in a twist of grease proof paper. and that was it as far as leisure was concerned. I think I went to the cinema twice in my entire childhood, and a friend’s parent took us. We never travelled abroad.

On Sundays, we went to church in the morning, ate Sunday lunch and then there was literally nothing to do all afternoon. I used to colour-in a lot! We didn’t have new toys, we had a collective box of toys containing battered and broken toy cars, marbles, a pack of cards and a couple of jigsaws and that was it. It was never added to!

Even if you had money, there wasn’t a lot of choice in the shops to spend it on. We shopped in little private outfitters. I vividly remember visiting a local book shop because I won an English prize at school, and I could choose a book, and the children’s section was pretty limited, whereas now we have come to expect child-friendly shops and products! We spent a lot of time at the library.

I remember my mother’s excitement when the first supermarket arrived in town and she brought home a tin of tomatoes and a very “exotic” packet of spaghetti! 😆. And frozen peas!. It’s just impossible to describe the rich range and choice of goods available now as compared to then! For example, we washed with a bar of Pears soap for everything! We had the same brand of shampoo for my entire childhood and it was drummed in to us to use it very sparingly!

Children grow up now with so many toys and clothes and books; it’s unbelievable! I chuckle when I see people buying special bed linen for Christmas for example as it seems so extravagant! My upbringing was helpful to me because I could stay at home when my dc were young and live on a shoe string and it didn’t really seem like hardship!

SkylarkKitten · 04/11/2025 09:51

Applies to some people/families but not to all.

Some people say they have no food to eat, money to pay rent, but have huge TVs, latest phones and designer footwear.

Others are struggling and only living with basics.

Its all about perspective.

During the double dip recession we were really struggling. We cut back on everything we could. We even cut out meat because its expensive. We stayed in, no alcohol, no treats. We stayed in one room to cut back on energy and at night, only had heating in the baby's room. We walked rather than using the car. We still had a fixed mortgage so no choice except to pay it. It was more than half our salary. I remember getting calls from Thames Water and Eon regarding payment of bills and crying in despair. I remember my credit card failing when I was buying food.

I will never forget the stress of living that way and thank my lucky stars that I am far from that now. It is REALLY hard when you cut back on everything you can and it's still not enough. There was no support from the Gvmt because we 'owned' a flat - a flat that was worth less than when we bought it!

I will never judge anyone saying they feel the CoL crisis. Outwardly I was a middle class working woman. Inside, everything was falling apart and we struggled in debt!

BeeWitchy · 04/11/2025 09:54

I don’t go anywhere unless I have to, haven’t been to movie or show or concert in years, other than what I can see on tv, I don’t eat takeaway. I don’t grab a coffee at all, let alone once a day.

I cook from scratch, budget and look for specials on food, and cook foods that are mostly nutritious but cheap as possible.

I have no choice. It’s fucking boring. ‘Priorities’ don’t come into it.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 04/11/2025 09:54

Princessfluffy · 04/11/2025 07:23

With two adults working full time and kids to take care of, people are stretched, tired and time poor. Thus they need to pay extra for convenience just to keep going. Is this luxury?

Yes if can afford it I guess, but it’s not a given no?
if not will have to do like the rest of us did , be super organised and budget ( shop/clean batch cook at weekends, tag team, etc
no?

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 04/11/2025 10:00

It’s both.

It does seem people think they deserve little luxuries every day and I think influencers and social media have made new clothes, high end make up/beauty, constant holidays etc etc seem normal.

But also - the cost of living increase is real.

cottonwoolie · 04/11/2025 10:00

When I came across this, the woman who was discussing this topic had some really good points (in my opinion), back in the day, we prioritised differently, we didn't have a takeaway each week (guilty of this myself tbh), food deliveries on our phone, we didn't grab a coffee on the way to work every morning, family trips out to the cinema or nights out used to be a treat not a given etc

People went to the pub a lot, coffee shops are the new pubs.

People had fish & chips & the cinema existed!

annoyingfeet · 04/11/2025 10:03

I worked for collections and you be surprised that young adults thought credit cards is free money. No you need to pay it back.

I have always been good with my money. Get the best deals. I was mortgage free when I was 40. Some of it was due to inheritance. The rest was realising that paying £32 extra a month shaved off 4 years off my mortgage.

People that have no financial planning or budgeting.

I believe SM is making people feel they need to get the latest stuff, by branded items when they cannot afford it.

Also, people need to stop buying Christmas presents that people don't want or need. No need to stress to buy for your sister's SIL.

annoyingfeet · 04/11/2025 10:05

I wonder if those people who buy seasonal crap all year round - bedding, cushions, ornaments. Plus things like Christmas themed dustpan and brush (The Range sells this) are struggling with money than those who have the same cushions on their sofas all year round.

Kuretake · 04/11/2025 10:06

The only time I really see people being silly about this is very high earners who say they haven't got much left after they've spent all their money. Well yes. Or even that they've not got much left after they've dropped most of it into pension or investments. That's fine and very sensible but it stands to reason that they then don't have the cash.

I am in this bracket myself by the way - I make a little over 200k a year and my payslip shows I take home 7k a month and then I spend 3k of that paying the mortgage down. That doesn't mean I get to pretend that money isn't benefitting me in other ways.

myheadsjustmush · 04/11/2025 10:09

I do think some people cannot differentiate between the words "Want" and "Need"

skyeisthelimit · 04/11/2025 10:12

The COL is increasing, however the woman was right. People do prioritise the wrong things. They see it as their right to get nails done, or have a daily coffee, or have paid tv subs. Takeaways and nights out are if you can afford them, not a given right. A family day out is a treat, at todays prices, not something you have to do every weekend.

I was brought up that you pay your rent/mortgage first, then your bills and food and anything left over is a bonus.

I was brought up not to get into debt, so if you can't afford it you don't buy it. You don't take out credit cards to live a lifestyle that you can't afford.

As a single parent, I have bought what we needed, not what we wanted. DD is 17 and has been brought up to appreciate second hand items, charity shop bargains, Primark rather than more expensive.

We don't wear brands. No point in paying £28 for something you can get for £5 elsewhere without a tiny tick on it, etc.

I have seen people going out every night, and then complaining that they can't afford to live. I have had clients who are always on holiday, telling me that they can't afford to pay me.

It is a lot about priorities and people need to live according to what they earn and cut out the non essentials if they can't afford it. Life has to change after having DC because you have other things to spend your money on.

No5ChalksRoad · 04/11/2025 10:14

Wellthatsacharlingknot · 04/11/2025 09:49

I find it impossible, as someone in their early sixties, to describe how modestly we lived in when I was a child, to someone in their twenties or early thirties now.

I lived in the north of England in the seventies and we weren’t poor but there were six of us. Ice on the inside of the bathroom windows.No central heating. Dad grew veg. Us children had two pairs of shoes each; school shoes and a pair of gym plimsolls. That was it. If we went to a birthday party, we polished our school shoes.

We wore hand me downs from our older siblings. Mum let down our clothes at the hem and the sleeves. We had a nice Sunday joint but then every single ounce of leftovers were made in to cottage pie, pasties, just gravy to have over Yorkshires, mulligatawny soup, and when that ran out, we ate beef dripping on toast. Having been a teenager during WW2, my mum saved bits of string, bits of soap, brown paper, and tin foil. Everything was re-used.

We went on holiday to the seaside for one week a year. We felt sophisticated when the waiter at the hotel served us with a tiny glass of fruit juice as a starter. Or a serving of tinned grapefruit!

We went to the zoo once a year, and took a picnic of bread rolls and boiled eggs with salt and pepper in a twist of grease proof paper. and that was it as far as leisure was concerned. I think I went to the cinema twice in my entire childhood, and a friend’s parent took us. We never travelled abroad.

On Sundays, we went to church in the morning, ate Sunday lunch and then there was literally nothing to do all afternoon. I used to colour-in a lot! We didn’t have new toys, we had a collective box of toys containing battered and broken toy cars, marbles, a pack of cards and a couple of jigsaws and that was it. It was never added to!

Even if you had money, there wasn’t a lot of choice in the shops to spend it on. We shopped in little private outfitters. I vividly remember visiting a local book shop because I won an English prize at school, and I could choose a book, and the children’s section was pretty limited, whereas now we have come to expect child-friendly shops and products! We spent a lot of time at the library.

I remember my mother’s excitement when the first supermarket arrived in town and she brought home a tin of tomatoes and a very “exotic” packet of spaghetti! 😆. And frozen peas!. It’s just impossible to describe the rich range and choice of goods available now as compared to then! For example, we washed with a bar of Pears soap for everything! We had the same brand of shampoo for my entire childhood and it was drummed in to us to use it very sparingly!

Children grow up now with so many toys and clothes and books; it’s unbelievable! I chuckle when I see people buying special bed linen for Christmas for example as it seems so extravagant! My upbringing was helpful to me because I could stay at home when my dc were young and live on a shoe string and it didn’t really seem like hardship!

This is all so true.

All these weekend “days out” didn’t happen. We helped with housework, talked, read, played outdoors, did homework, etc. On the occasional Saturday night my mum would surprise us with a glass of coke and small bowl apiece of crisps. Snacks were not a regular occurrence. McDonald’s maybe once a year. Pizza takeaway maybe 2x per year.

I needed spectacles from age 4 and that was a hardship to my parents. New ones once a year and if they broke, one’s dad fixed them with cello tape & one wore them that way. Not just in our household.

Pets didn’t receive human-level medical intervention and prescription drugs. (Not that I’m against 21st century vet care, but it is a recent addition to typical household budgets)

We never paid to participate in sport or other activities. We earned. I began babysitting at 14, including a daily after school job for the kids of a single working mum down the street. At 16 I had an after school and weekend job doing clerical work for a couple who had their own business. Never again was out of the workforce.

I distinctly remember the shopping outing when i was 15 where my mum bought me two pair of corduroy trousers, a couple of blouses, some boots and a coordinated jumper which all could be combined into various outfits. She spent about 50 quid which was mind boggling to both of us 47 years ago. But she wanted me to dress decently for school. The reason it’s memorable is because it happened once. Shopping binges today are something so many people take for granted.

MintDog · 04/11/2025 10:15

RainMap · 02/11/2025 16:09

I think you are talking about how people operate on different levels of income. The standard of living has increased over the previous decades, though they are now on a decline. Plenty of people see things as needs that would have been seen as luxuries in the not too distant past.

If you honestly wonder if it's just prioritising the wrong things, look at this info comparing average costs in the UK from 2015 to 2025:

Wages up 35%
House prices up 57%
Rent up 90%
Weekly shopping up 116%
Household bills up 47%

People who can't afford to pay their rent or feed their children probably aren't buying takeaways or coffees every week.

I was about to post the same. Ten years ago we were paying £600 to rent a 3 bed house. That same house is back up for £1300 a month. Honestly, I'm not earning that much more now than I was then in real terms take home pay per month. The cost of living really has rocketed. Luckily we managed to get out and now own - mortgage is £1000. But it is a joke that the rent has more than doubled in ten years. Wages haven't.

Cheeseontoastghost · 04/11/2025 10:19

cottonwoolie · 04/11/2025 10:00

When I came across this, the woman who was discussing this topic had some really good points (in my opinion), back in the day, we prioritised differently, we didn't have a takeaway each week (guilty of this myself tbh), food deliveries on our phone, we didn't grab a coffee on the way to work every morning, family trips out to the cinema or nights out used to be a treat not a given etc

People went to the pub a lot, coffee shops are the new pubs.

People had fish & chips & the cinema existed!

Pub would be a Friday night -Dad had 2 halves of bitter, Mum a bitter lemon

Fish and chips would be a pay day treat
Cinema in the school hols

Compare with daily vapes, coffees,Just eat, deliveroo
Nails, hair, make up,cheap clothes

There is no comparison

Grammarnut · 04/11/2025 10:19

Comedycook · 02/11/2025 15:49

I don't really do those things. Can't remember the last time I bought a takeaway coffee. But even if we did, we live in a developed country in 2025.... Buying a hot drink shouldn't be beyond reach.

A friend of mine noticed during lockdown that the household spend had dropped by approximately £3k. Once out of lockdown this saving disappeared. The culprit was cups of coffee and trips to coffee shops. Spending 3k a year on cups of coffee seems a bit extravagant!

Lju · 04/11/2025 10:20

Agree with a lot of people it's both.

I learned (or remembered from my student days!) lots of budgeting tricks on mat leave which were really helpful at the time when I was only on statutory pay. However I'm not on mat leave anymore and still needing to do the money savers. Even taking into account that there are more of us to feed, and I never went back to a full time salary, things still feel way tighter than I imagined they would be especially considering DH's salary is in the mid-high bracket. I assumed we'd be able to afford an annual holiday whilst also paying into pensions and going out for the odd meal etc, but that was naive. Nothing to do with the Jones's, just things I liked to do. Can't remember the last time I ate out or got a takeaway coffee and definitely no holidays on the horizon. Mind you I only went on one holiday abroad as a kid so perhaps it hasn't changed that much!!

We've just moved to a cheaper part of the country to give ourselves some breathing space, which means now we can pay for the kids to do a few afterschool clubs/holidays for example, but was a pretty extreme thing to have to do by all accounts.

cottonwoolie · 04/11/2025 10:24

Fish and chips would be a pay day treatCinema in the school hols

Fish & chips & cinemas would not have thrived back in the day if people went once a month or once a year 🙄

Pub would be a Friday night -Dad had 2 halves of bitter, Mum a bitter lemon

Again people didn't just visit pubs once a week.

Compare with daily vapes, coffees,Just eat, deliveroo Nails, hair, make up,cheap clothes

I don't vape, dislike coffee, have never paid for nails. I do occasionally buy make up, again not a new thing...

Kuretake · 04/11/2025 10:25

Grammarnut · 04/11/2025 10:19

A friend of mine noticed during lockdown that the household spend had dropped by approximately £3k. Once out of lockdown this saving disappeared. The culprit was cups of coffee and trips to coffee shops. Spending 3k a year on cups of coffee seems a bit extravagant!

My version of this was maternity leave. I had made a calculation of how much we needed to save for me to take a year off and we ended up with loads of it left. Going to work is expensive! It was a combination of clothes, haircuts, lunch, train fares (huge). Covid similar but it didn't surprise me that time - I took a voluntary pay cut along with the rest of the senior team and I was confident it would work out netting off against the savings.

cottonwoolie · 04/11/2025 10:26

People who can't afford to pay their rent or feed their children probably aren't buying takeaways or coffees every week.

Exactly, wages have stagnated & housing costs have grown. A lot of people have less disposable income particularly young people.

"Under-30s must pay nearly double (84% more) than over-65s to afford the same minimum standard of essentials."

"Compared to twenty years ago, young people today are spending 16% more of their total budget on essentials. Meanwhile, the expenditure levels of older generations remains relatively stable."

"Compared to two decades ago, young people are spending on average £147 less a week on non-essentials, which translates to over £7,500 a year. For 30−49 year-olds, they are spending £160 less a week on non-essentials, almost £8,500 a year."

"Astonishingly, in this same time frame, over-65s are spending £28 more a week on non-essentials. While the past decade has been one of struggle and hardship for the young, older generations have enjoyed rising prosperity."