To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

That's my boundaries : they can believe they are whatever they want to (cat/elf/woman) privately but I'm not putting up with their delusions when they want to enter sacred female places like changing rooms etc

‘sacred female spaces like changing rooms…’

do you know what sacred means?

Does this not count as transphobia to call trans people confused? Would it be acceptable to suggest that religious groups are just confused?

All language is made up, that’s how it works. It becomes a word if there is meaning attached to it, and we all understand what is being said.

Ok, but I’m going to continue to say they are as that makes me happy. You carry on getting angry about it though, as that’s what seems to make you happy. We’re all happy.

Why are you overriding scientific facts for the sake of your emotions though?

They aren't women. You know that as well as anyone. Why does it make you happy to lie to yourself about it?

This is only true if the words are helpful/there is a need for them. This is not true of 'cis' women. Women are not a subsection of their own biological classification.

TBH I have never encountered anyone on here who doesn't believe that trans people have changed sex or that they shouldn't have access to opposite sex spaces but who is also supportive of transpeople.

The thread on the inclusion of a trans woman in the cast of Riot Women in a very small role and with no reference to this character's sex/gender on the show was a depressing education in how prejudiced many people on Mumsnet really are.

Posters were declaring that they had planned to watch the programme but now would boycott it, categorically stating with no evidence that Sally Wainwright had been bullied or coerced into including a trans character against her will and behaving as though a film set was a single sex space and that all the female actors were put at risk. The thread was eye-opening in revealing the visceral disgust of many posters towards trans people.

Trans 'ally' identifying folk use it.

I know what it means to religious people and I think I'm allowed to use it ad I please in this context. I do not want any penises in women changing rooms/bathrooms unless they belong to children.

Meet me. I watched it and wasn't too bothered by Miranda. Though she didn't add much either.

I am in a hobby group which has transwomen. I am not bothered by them. They don't seem like they want to enter women's spaces. I call them by their chosen names. Do I want them giving me intimate care? No. Are they my friends? Yes.

No. Part of thinking you're 'trans' involves confusion, at least somewhere along the path.
(Let's not bring my views on religion into this, but happy to discuss it elsewhere.)

If they try to convince me that their God exist then yes. If they believe in God without imposing their religion on others I will leave them to it.

There is no meaning attached to 'cis' though, unless you believe there are other forms of women aside from those born as women (often also called biological women), and we all know there aren't. Men calling themselves women are still men.

Why does it make you happy to call men women? Odd.

I'm not angry, please don't attempt to insult to make your point.

Is it a woman's group or a unisex group?

Exactly. I am an agnostic, so yes I do think that people who believe in a vengeful god or heaven and hell are misguided. This includes my mum!

But as long as their views are not imposed on me, I leave them to it and don't shout about it. If they brought misogynistic religious practices into the workplace, i would.

Indeed, same here.

Unisex and advertised as such. It's a book and film club.
I wouldn't want to go to a menopause group with transwomen.

OK.
I wouldn't want to go to a menopause group full stop, but men pretending they are women would have no place in a woman's menopause group.

But he doesn't know you. He only knows your DD.

Objectively, it is difficult when you and a close family member have very different beliefs about an issue that matters to both of you. Your DD was in front of him and he's got a relationship with her, not you, so he is naturally going to empathise with her. It's a fairly bland, neutral response, tbh, considering how some of these activist types are. Maybe she trusts him enough to be able to say that, as she maybe can't say anything to her friends.

All the more attractive to some of them.

Yes, I know, we're not pandering though, are we?

That was in response to comment directly above, quote has disappeared.

The issue there was the subject matter of the show. Seems very odd to include a TW in a show about women's experiences with the menopause. But I haven't seen it, so I'm not entirely sure what the character's role is.

The vast majority on here are supportive of transwomens rights to present as they wish, live without discrimination, have the same rights as everyone else.

Where there are issues is where we are expected to affirm these men as actually being women in some way.