To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

It seems to me that the one to be angry with, is the other daughter who seems to be trying to stir up trouble (and succeeding).

'That must be difficult for you' is not even a statement of agreement; it is just acknowledging that it nay be difficulr to negotiate such a disagreement with a family member. If a young adult confided in me, for example, that she sometimes found it difficut that she was a Conservative and her mother a left-winger, I might well say 'That must be difficult for you', even though my personal political views would be closer to those of the mother.

Yes, but apparently people who think they are great at “critical thinking” disagree. Note how they can’t and won’t engage though.

Wouldn’t it. Alas, this is not to be that day.

So you’re now immediately calling me a TERF as a dismissive slur? I don’t think you’re posting in as good faith as you pretend to be, are you?

I asked you a question because I was genuinely interested in knowing the answer. I don’t see bisexuality as remotely related to trans identities, and I’m interested to know why you do. I haven’t been rude to you, but you’ve instantly called me a TERF. So much for all this reasoned debate about intersectionality!

I just don't get people's pretzels positions on this. Men can't become women. It is genuinely that simple.

So why would they have any rights of womens sex based spaces and services?

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was black/muslim/gay/atheist. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

Do people see the above as a neutral supportive comment?

Something fundamental? I’m sure op totally believes her daughter’s flat mate identifies as trans…just that a person born as a woman can’t be a man and vice versa no matter how much plastic surgery they get.

You know, a bit like how someone who believes they have a really terrible nose can get a nose job but they’re still gonna worry their kids will inherit it - because plastic surgery doesn’t change biology - nor the REALITY that they were born with what they felt was an unappealing nose.

and she’s known this flatmate for all of what? 3 months? Same with the lecturer. (Who IS super inappropriate buddying up to a student?!) so yeah she should probably not slag her own mother off because she doesn’t like other people having (entirely valid, logical and irrefutable) opinions.

The other DD might be shit stirring or she might see her sister is getting involved with psycho, negatively motivated weirdos who try to manipulate their students and wanted her mother’s help?

Hearsay is very different to heresy. Interesting typo!

I see all the usual "feminism board" posters have piled on now and are determined to turn this into yet another identical trans thread, Even though the OP wasn't even about discussing their views, (not that those posters care) -and was about whether it was "grooming" etc to say "it must be difficult for you" to have such different views.
Which I'd have thought it would be, yes.
I mean, I don't have conversations about certain topics with some family members ("the boats" etc, or gay/trans issues) as I just know it's pointless engaging. Not because I "can't" I just know I'm not engaging with them about it.
Same will no doubt be with OPs DD, as in it is difficult and when they start going off on one in RL they're best off ignored.

Gender critical views aren’t right wing.

People can address points as they are duly presented. The fact that TERF is mentioned in the subject line might be a slight indicator that women’s rights to sex based spaces and all things trans, may be addressed in the discussion. Discussion evolves, and it shouldn’t be surprising that trans ideology has entered the chat. By both sides.

You don’t have to comment or read it if that bothers you that much.

Edited to add - you’re also on another thread morning about what an utterly toxic place this is. Post elsewhere then!

Perhaps you should be aiming that at the first person to take the conversation off topic who is clearly not on the side of TERFS. HTH

This. Making this about gender critical issues is going off track

They are actually.

They aren’t. If you can back that up please do but I don’t think any breaths will be held waiting.

Why do you think acknowledging humans can't change sex is 'right wing'?

I mean, what an extraordinary conclusion to come to. What makes it 'right wing'?

Sorry, have no clue what you’re saying here. Could be your grammar.

If my 80- year-old mum- a conservatively raised Asian woman- wants a woman to give her intimate care or a mammogram rather than a transwoman, does that make her right wing? Baffling.

All mammals are male or female from conception to death
that is not a political statement
every farmer knows it is true

to pretend that humans are not mammals is religion

Radical Marxist class analysis would come up with TERF views. How is that right wing?

I suspect many people who consider themselves proudly left wing nowadays wouldn't know Marxist class analysis if it bit them on the arse. Rightly or wrongly.

The Left Wing have proved themselves inherently misogynist.

My fight for the rights of women is apolitical.

Good job as I don’t respond to commands from strangers.

You hate a minority. Like all right wingers.

So you don't have any reasoning or evidence behind your assertion, you just thought you'd drop it and run, eh?

Figures.