To be hurt and angry that DD told her prof her mum is a TERF and he sympathised

[Dahliadaily]

My DD is at a Russell group uni studying a masters following a 1st in humanities. I’m really proud of her obviously.
We were always really close. She cried for me throughout freshers’ week, relied on my tough love.

We differ respectfully on the trans issue. I am a feminist and a biology grad and believe in the reality of sex and the importance of single sex spaces, the rule of law.

We negotiate this ok and do keep talking. I’m sure that more unites us than separates us. We agree on prostitution for example. But not on the medicalisation of gender.

She is a lesbian. Has lots of gay non binary and trans friends. Her flatmate is a trans man. I’d never make a personal remark about any of them.

My other DD told me that uni DD has got close to a prof (male and gay - nothing sleazy) and told him I was a TERF. He responded “that must be really difficult for you”.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

She’s an intelligent young woman, capable of forming her own views. But I can’t help being hurt by her comment and angry with the prof for siding with this idea that I’m difficult or even evil / unkind. It feels a bit like grooming.

Personally, I think it's sad that a young lesbian is so blinded by the extreme ends of this ideology which tries to brainwash young people that men are women.

But ... she's allowed to have her opinions, and talk about them to whomever she pleases.

And ... the academic's relationship is with his student, not his student's parent.

You've chosen to interpret it in the most harmful way ("daughter's being groomed, they're all saying I'm evil") rather than realising it's normal that adults talk to adults about complex family dynamics.

It sounds like you've navigated this well so far, it would be an error, imo, to push DD1 away because DD2 felt the need to stir.

This. And your interpretation that somehow she's expressed that its difficult to have you as a mother, is not what that conversation implied. You've said yourself that it's difficult navigating your difference of opinion on the subject. So it's presumably difficult for her, too. So he's right.

BUT you've said that you both manage it well and with respect. Which is an achievement that reflects well on you both. Nowhere has he or she said otherwise. He's simply acknowledged that it takes some work on your DD's side. And had you been there he'd have presumably acknowledged that it's difficult for you both. But you weren't there.

DD2 needs telling that stirring things up is undermining the efforts that you and your DD1 have been working to hard to put in. Honestly, it should be her that you're focusing your anger on @Dahliadaily She seems to be trying to put a wedge between you and her sister.

I don't know what it is either!

An adult told another adult that her mother has views which are repulsive to her and the other adult was supportive. No-one has been groomed. You just don't like it that it's been identified that your daughter finds it difficult to deal with the different values you both have. You seem unhealthily enmeshed. It's not at all normal to cry for your Mummy during Fresher's Week; most kids grow out of that before preschool.

Well Cass set out guidance for when hormonal treatment should be given to 16 - 18 year olds and when puberty blockers should be prescribed but in practice these prescriptions were far from widespread. I think it's important to stick to facts and not get emotive about "children being medicalised" when in fact so few children were prescribed with blockers or hormones.

Since you're here and nobody has responded to my question about radical feminism, what would you say are the main tenets of that aspect of feminism that inform your life? Sorry to pick on you but I'm genuinely interested in how self-described radical feminists practice their ethos and nobody has really answered that.

Because they're not our sisters, they're our brothers.

I note how yet again 'transmen' don't get a mention. (Women/girls who identify as men/boys, if anyone is confused.) But they're our sisters and I include them in my feminism because they're female, even if they don't want me to!

Everything has to have a label these days. I’m a terf too but I’ve only just discovered this after looking up the definition. Don’t worry about it, you’ve done nothing wrong.

so how do you square knowing that sex is immutable (ie TW are men) with considering them women?
How do you square acknowledging that sometimes sex does matter with “I just don’t think it matters.”

And can you understand why some people might then see it as Double Think?

I think most people suddenly discover they are TERFS when confronted with the ridiculousness of men in women's prisons and sports.

Oh jeeze, this thread is becoming another feminist board discussion, while OP's specific issue gets ignored.

There's really no need to threadjack OP's thread when there's a whole branch to discuss the whys and wherefores of trans issues.

Lots of people have responded to OP's issue.
In a word: disengage.

Yep, always the same, doesn't even matter if that's what the OP was about. They all end up hijacked and identical.

Has the OP objected?

The specific issue has most definitely been addressed and the thread has moved on, as many threads do.

Why are you trying to police discussions about women's rights?

Honestly I don’t really understand what your problem is. If she’d have said you voted Labour and she is a Tory and her lecturer said that it might be hard for her if you disagreed would you be bothered?

It’s a non-issue. She can think what she thinks. She can find people who agree with her. It’s not a reflection on your parenting or her opinion of you.

I could kiss you! This is so great. I am going to read up a bit more on this. I am a trans ally, but really don't understand the science of it. This has given me something to reflect on. Thank you.

I think most TERFs are neither Trans Excluding (because trans men are absolutely part of their feminism) nor particularly Radical Feminists.

It’s just that the slur has been applied and perhaps reclaimed. Thinking about Posie Parker, who is frequently labelled a TERF by others she doesn’t identify as a feminist.

Fundamentally it makes no difference, those who see gender ideology as harmful via a feminist analysis are - well go on to Terfisaslur.com and see with whom you are standing shoulder to shoulder.

I think it's important to stick to facts and not get emotive about "children being medicalised" when in fact so few children were prescribed with blockers or hormones. That’s nice for you to be so blasé about other people’s children.

😂😂😂😂 What exactly do you think “intersex” medical conditions have to do with transwomen who are unambiguously male without any medical conditions ? FFS 🙈🙈🙈🙈

You do realise discussion evolves?

No, discussion naturally evolves. Reading or participating isn’t compulsory.

Are you asking me or @Caplin ?

And here’s the reality of the neuroscience mentioned. When sexuality is controlled for the differences disappear.

https://x.com/patronu87220295/status/1904858905672302820?s=46&t=AjtjSItRj-kgZwRzL-pdyQ

I love the term ‘bro cookies’ and will be using this in a variety of scenarios.

I’m asking you. Why do you think anything Caplin posted about intersex disorders is relevant to the conversation about trans?

Yes, it would have been nice to have had some clarity on why, despite biological sex being real, that some male sexed people are women. But as always, it’s lacking.

Please remember that Stonewall only added the T to LGB in 2015

Before that cross dressing men were represented by the Beaumont Society
who were very homo and lesbo phobic

The alphabet soup after the T has been added and amended in recent years to match the zeitgeist (especially the first nation guff in Canada)

Kids at University want and need to kick back at their parents' views
as part of their own self discovery

In ten years time it will be a whole new thing that has not been thought of yet
for lecturers and students