Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL took down all my Halloween decorations 😒😒

221 replies

Orchid90 · 01/11/2025 19:09

Just that .
We went out, invited her to come out too , she refused .
Got home and she took down all
the decorations, which I wanted to keep up a bit longer as it’s my house and I like them!
I know , there are bigger problems in the world , but I’m annoyed and had to tell someone .
I would never clear up anyone’s house without their permission .
she made it clear she didn’t like them and I guess they triggered her OCD .
I am gonna have a very very dark gothic Xmas this year, I always wanted a black tree anyway.

OP posts:
SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 02/11/2025 14:20

MrsDoubtfire1 · 02/11/2025 13:21

Is she very religious? She might be one of those people who believe that Halloween should be celebrated with a Light Festival.

Irrelevant what she thinks though. As it’s not her home.

HermioneGrangersHair · 02/11/2025 14:22

Orchid90 · 02/11/2025 09:07

She is not diagnosed, just likes things ultra tidy and anything out if place or not where she would have it annoys her . Like the things I have on the fridge , she

Then she does not have OCD so please stop perpetuating the myth that OCD is about ‘being tidy’. Then look it up and learn about what it is, and how it affects this people who are really diagnosed.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 02/11/2025 14:33

utamea · 01/11/2025 19:41

I think that Halloween these days is skeletons and pumpkins. But people who are much older can often view it as satanic (or along those lines).

Perhaps that’s the problem.

How much older would that be utamea? I am almost 70 years old, but I am also a Pagan, and I follow a Traditional Witch pathway.

I am not a Satanist (or along those lines 🙄), and neither are the very many other Witches that I either know, or know of, and many of them are of a similar age to me - although there are actually adult Witches throughout the age spectrum in the UK.

Also, please don't think that we are peculiar to the UK, I know for a fact that both the USA, and Australia, have a very strong presence of Witches as well, although many of them follow the Wiccan Pathway. There are probably Withes in most democratic Countries, but I do realise that unfortunately in some places their Witches do tend to folliw a somewhat darker, or sinister - left-hand - pathway, but thankfully most of us will never cross paths with them, as I understand that the majority of them tend to live in more exotic, or specified places.

British Witches are mainly kind, and compassionate people, who love and care for all of nature, animals, people - particularly children and more vulnerable adults - but the vast majority of us do not think in terms of 'white Witches' or 'dark Withes' (neither of which refers to the colour of one's skin), on occassions we do need to perform spells that some might call curses, but they can be very dangerous spells to ourselves, if we don't prepare and cast them with great care. But we are usually much more involved in protecting the things we hold most dear,
although the majority of us probably do not suffer fools gladly/wisely/happily!

I'm sorry utamea, you are probably thinking WTAF is this - old - woman going on about, as you only made a casual, almost throw away, comment?

Unfortunately, I am really fed-up that so many Mumsnetters appear to think, like you seem to think, that if we are older than - what? 45? 50? 60? - that we are out of touch, and have no idea what makes the younger generations tick. Anyone of roughly my age, have already been a teenager/young adult/middle aged, and we have had nearly all of the same problems and issues, that you 'youngsters' have had - except, of course, yours have been magnified almost out of proportion, by the introduction of smart phones and social media. However, many of us have adult children now, who we have seen struggling and suffering - and yes, I mean suffering (I am so grateful that I grew up before the age of the Internet took off) - from all of the bullying, and influencing, and videoing, and being available to both friends and foe, all day, and even all night for some. So even though we might not be very knowledgeable about all of the up-to-date terminologies, or the meaning of an emoji when it apparently doesn't mean what it looks like it should mean, many of us, with even an atom of common sense, can relate very well with your emotions, as we have already been there before.

So, to return to @Orchid90's problem, her MiL is just a rude, and unfriendly cheeky fucker, and has probably been like that for most of her adult life. OP, if you have been stoic enough to read this far, I would have been tempted to do what a PP suggested, and put all of the decorations back up where you had them, although you were probably too tired out by that time to be bothered! Your MiL needs to be told very clearly, by you and your DH together, that if she ever does anything like that again, that will be the last time that she will be invited in to your home.

If, as utamea believes, your MiL has any ridiculous ideas that putting up some fun Halloween decorations is at all wrong - for whatever reason - maybe you could point out to her that the awful and scary place that the Earth has become, is not due to any occult goings on, but rather to the negativity and evilness that any individual human being has inflicted on another.

SpinningaCompass · 02/11/2025 14:43

JudgeJ · 02/11/2025 14:12

Are you incapable of speaking for yourself or do you always need a man to speak up for the little woman? Maybe he doesn't like tacky decorations either and he might agree with her or isn't he allowed a different opinion?

Or maybe because it's HIS mother he owes it to his wife to deal with her and back his wife up when she completely oversteps in their home.

OfficerChurlish · 02/11/2025 14:57

Assuming she took them down on Sat, not Fri, could she have assumed she was doing your favour/helping with a necessary chore - thinking kind of rigidly "holiday's over - time to come down"? (Although a lot of people leave them up longer intentionally, at least over the weekend). If she visits often and stays overnight it could be normal and even helpful for her to pitch in with housework, but not to decide that a brand new thing needs to be done. Boundaries needed.

(Also, some of the replies here are stretching further than a rubber Gumby. If the husband disliked decs he'd say so before they were purchased or before they went up as normally these things are decided jointly. And whether some rando online dislikes Halloween decorations on principle has no bearing on the fact that lots of households do put them up, especially if there are children.)

User5306921 · 02/11/2025 15:01

StripyHorse · 01/11/2025 20:35

YANBU

If it helps, both times I was in hospital giving birth to my daughters, MIL let herself in and rearranged the furniture in my living room. DD1 is now 18 but it still grates on me.

There are some people in life that will never believe they aren't better (insert anything) than anyone else. Its incredibly entitled and rude.

It irks me when people say 'thats how they are'. Well yes if RUDE is how they are.

What did you say to her when she did that? I think the only reply is to do the same in her house but these people just don't get it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/11/2025 15:09

I think it’s really important not to bandy “OCD” around to mean “very tidy”.

I’ve been told (not strictly diagnosed but told by a therapist) that I likely have OCD but I’m very messy. My compulsions are of a very different kind.

Scarlettpixie · 02/11/2025 15:09

I expect she thought she was helping. Most people take down halloween decorations on 1st November. In fact until fairly recently people round here only seemed to put them up on the day. Now it is for longer. I have had a few pumpkin ornaments and other bits out since early Ocotber and mine are still up too because I like them :)

ItsameLuigi · 02/11/2025 15:10

Samhainduality · 02/11/2025 09:32

I don't think it's such a big deal. Halloween is over and I don't know anyone who would leave the spooky decorations up after the day. There's not a twelve nights tradition like Christmas.

I think it's as harmless as loading the dishwasher or pushing the hoover round. It's not like rearranging your sex toys drawer or cutting your toddler's long hair or fitting a new bathroom as a surprise.

My decorations stay up all year because it's the only time of year I buy house decor. It's my house and I like the spooky stuff. I'm very alternative though and don't like normal household stuff so I just buy what I do like

JMSA · 02/11/2025 15:21

I would find that helpful if Halloween was over!

Marieb19 · 02/11/2025 15:29

For the record, people with OCD don't necessarily have tidy homes. Many, live in cluttered, sometimes insanitary conditions because of a multitude of anxieties abd contamination fears. Please don't confuse fastidious and overzelous cleaning with a severe mental condition.

Sheridanbucket · 02/11/2025 15:30

Orchid90 · 02/11/2025 09:38

she just came to visit, no point arguing as she will not change. She Just starts playing victim, Been there already . Not going down that route .
just have to put up with it , so I’ll have a moan yes, fell better and move on with my dark Xmas .

I wouldn’t argue with her but I’d limit the time she got to spend in my house. I’m no contact with a MIL who would have pulled this trick. It’s so much better not having her in my life.

Silverfoxette · 02/11/2025 15:39

YANBU

reminds me of the time we went down the country on holiday and MIL joined us mid-week. She rearranged all the food in the kitchen cupboards while I was out

Poshjock · 02/11/2025 15:39

Orchid90 · 02/11/2025 12:06

In my basket ! X

@Orchid90

This reminds me of the epic Facebook thread about a neighbour dispute of what constitutes "appropriate" Christmas paraphanalia and of course we must remember "Hippos are Christmas AF". If you haven't already, have a read of the story of Frank the Christmas Gargoyle.

www.boredpanda.com/christmas-gorgoyle-statue-karen-complain/

Cherrysoup · 02/11/2025 15:43

What did your Dh say? I’d have been furious. It’s not up to her how long the decorations stay up nor is it her right to ‘tidy’. Is she coming for Christmas?

Delphiniumandlupins · 02/11/2025 15:45

You could plan to move her pictures around next time you are visiting her but it would be rather cruel as she's obviously much more bothered about this sort of thing than you are. I think you should point out that her behaviour was rude, though she may genuinely think she was being helpful.

Sartre · 02/11/2025 15:46

Guessing she thought she was being helpful. I took mine down yesterday morning. I put them up early October so it was definitely time! I don’t think she meant any harm.

DBD1975 · 02/11/2025 15:48

I would just say MIL why did you take down the Halloween decorations? I wanted them left up for longer, kids, hubby, need a hand with putting them back up again.
No drama and yes it was rude and unacceptable but she wanted a reaction, don't give her one.

susiedaisy1912 · 02/11/2025 15:57

If she stays over Xmas just make sure she doesn’t take all your decs down the day after Boxing Day 🤣

HankyP · 02/11/2025 16:08

Roll on Christmas decorations!

HankyP · 02/11/2025 16:10

Orchid90 · 02/11/2025 12:06

In my basket ! X

Loving that! 😂

BaconCheeses · 02/11/2025 16:12

On principle I'd have told her to put them back up or be gone by the morning.

housethatbuiltme · 02/11/2025 16:12

utamea · 01/11/2025 19:41

I think that Halloween these days is skeletons and pumpkins. But people who are much older can often view it as satanic (or along those lines).

Perhaps that’s the problem.

Sounds like a 'them' problem.

First off its Paganism not 'Satanic', people need to stop equating the two and Halloween is Pagan (Which is our countries original heritage here in the UK before multiple invasions).

Second both Satanism and Paganism are as much a valid religion as any other and no one 'feelings' get to squash someone right to expression.

If MIL was Catholic and OP was Jewish would it be OK then using the excuse that in her day antisemitism was more common so she can remove Jewish things? Same with Muslim etc... and no of course it wouldn't be OK.

Someones 'fears' are their own issue to deal with not to impose onto others.

withgraceinmyheart · 02/11/2025 16:12

Orchid90 · 02/11/2025 09:27

she does live 100 miles away 😂😂
came to see our daughter during half term , not baby sitting though as I had already taken time off to cover for childcare.
honestly she just likes things her way, everyone says she has OCD. I’m not sure if she has it , tbh probably not . Her house is spotless though and has looked the same for the past 10 years . No even a picture frame has been moved out of its place . Whereas my house …😂😂😂 well..let’s say I’m artistic .
anyway she said Halloween was over and things needed tidying up . I haven’t got the strength to start an argument over it , but I still thinks it’s very rude behaviour. I shall have a Xmas worth of a Tim Burton movie set 😂😂

People with diagnosed OCD tend not to have clean and tidy houses, just so you know. It’s a massively inaccurate stereotype

Only 1/3 of people with OCD have cleaning compulsions, and if we do it’s normally fixated on THAT ONE THING that we clean over and over again eg a tap or a chopping board.

If my OCD was in a bad place I would absolutely not have the energy to be messing with your home decor.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 02/11/2025 16:14

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/11/2025 15:09

I think it’s really important not to bandy “OCD” around to mean “very tidy”.

I’ve been told (not strictly diagnosed but told by a therapist) that I likely have OCD but I’m very messy. My compulsions are of a very different kind.

This (and others who have pointed this out on the thread) - we need to get into a MN policy of not using OCD as a tag for people who are tidy. It's a medical diagnosis not a personality trait or home styling preference.