MIL took down all my Halloween decorations 😒😒

[Orchid90]

Just that .
We went out, invited her to come out too , she refused .
Got home and she took down all
the decorations, which I wanted to keep up a bit longer as it’s my house and I like them!
I know , there are bigger problems in the world , but I’m annoyed and had to tell someone .
I would never clear up anyone’s house without their permission .
she made it clear she didn’t like them and I guess they triggered her OCD .
I am gonna have a very very dark gothic Xmas this year, I always wanted a black tree anyway.

If everyone had conversations with each other there would be no AIBU

This is true but I don't think that's what the post was trying to deny. I think the poster is making references to those who use ocd as a throw away comment which many do. As someone who watched their mum suffer with the illness (diagnosed) i see how ppl use the term all the time, and the majority of ppl who claim they have ocd don't. That doesn't mean to say there arent ppl suffering undiagnosed but that wasn't the point of the poster.

If anyone wants to fit me a new bathroom as a surprise please DM

Some people are just fucking nuts.
It wouldn't cross my mind. 😲

FFS OCD is not liking to keep a house clean and tidy. It's a complete misconception that totally minimises how awful coping with OCD is so please just stop with the ignorance.

Halloween was over so the woman probably thought she was doing you a favour helping you clear up. Noone keeps their Halloween decs up past Halloween, how was she to know that you wanted to. Put them up again if it bothers you that much.

This is absolutely not what OCD is.

Put them back up.

Loads of people who definitely would get diagnosed never seek a diagnosis.

They have OCD with or without the formal diagnosis.

Same with every other physical or mental health condition.

Why?

What the OP is describing is not OCD. Lots of people think they or others have some undiagnosed condition but is usually based on ignorance of that condition or something they've seen on tiktok

Because Halloween is over and she probably thought she was being helpful with tidying up.

She saved you a job then, OP!

This would have really annoy me but I would assume (hope) she thought she was helping.

Why don't you simply tell her that it's YOUR house and she has no right to touch any of your things - and if she can't jeep her hands off then she can't come in again!

You can take children to visit her home (and I'd absolutely move stuff of hers around to make my point).

Suggestion for your Christmas
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Christmas-Topper-Skeleton-Halloween-Decoration/dp/B0FM3JR95Q/ref=asc_df_B0FM3JR95Q?mcid=f92818d216e73e9483204377ff2936ae&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=773322119420&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=18009315173456085103&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007064&hvtargid=pla-2443148731880&psc=1&hvocijid=18009315173456085103-B0FM3JR95Q-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

Yep, very rude of her, I'm fully behind you going all out for Christmas. A front garden that's visible from space and Santa's grotto indoors 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

It’s so rude of her, she is overstepping and not respecting you as an adult homeowner or mother. Thank her for her work clearing up but put them back up if you want to explaining that you are not finished with them yet, if she cries, just grey rock and if your partner doesn’t support you tell him to fuck right off

YANBU to be annoyed.
YABVU to make DC have a Tim Burton Christmas 😢🎅🌲🎁

I have diagnosed OCD. A lot of people get angry at the way it is used as an adjective to describe tidy people, and I agree that it does trivialise what is a horrendously debilitating condition.

However, I've noticed a few fellow sufferers terming the kind of OCD that leads to obsessive tidiness as 'the good kind', which actually really trivialises an element of OCD that can be incredibly real and incredibly difficult. My OCD often manifests in wanting to control my environment - if things are messy, this gives me a palpable dread and panic and my brain tells me that I have to tidy now, else a terrible thing will happen. Its a compulsion and its an awful way to live. It really isn't 'the good kind'.

The MIL may have undiagnosed OCD, we don't know. But obsessively needing tidiness does not automatically preclude her from this.

Having said this, my OCD does not give me the right to interfere with the lives of others.

OCD is not the need to have things tidy and “just right” and getting stressed if they are not. That’s much more an ASD trait. OCD is when you have to perform a repetitive action or thought in order to halt the anxiety brought on by deeply upsetting intrusive thoughts. Ie - My family will die/get sick if I don’t do X or am I a terrible person unless I Y. There is imminent danger/an infestation I must manage with Z actions.

It’s a completely debilitating mental health condition. Not a personality quirk.

She walks all over you because you accept that's Her Way.
Insane.

Absolutely this. There is no “good kind” of OCD. It’s a very painful thing to have to live with.

I’m very tidy and everything has a place in my house.
But I would never even move a cup if visiting a friend / relatives house.
Just No.
What your mum did was treat you like a child - I bet she did this to your room when you were growing up
Taking down your decorations was a massive over step.
You are an adult now and your mum is not a victim. That is a narcissistic trait.
It a manipulation technique to keep you in your place, control you and so she gets her way on all things.
It obviously on some level you know this is wrong and it may a bit longer, but you need to take your power back.
You need to have the conversation and when dm goes into perceived victim mode , just call her out on it.
‘cut it out mum, this is my house.
You leave it as you found it

Or I’ll come round your house, with the kids and a big bag of sausage rolls and eat them in the lounges without plates’
This has been previously been used and proved very effective.

I would have just quietly put them back up again without commenting on what I was doing, but meanwhile talking to her as if nothing had happened.

What did you DH say? Or your DC that the decorations were gone?

She sounds a very tidy person, probably felt like she was helping. This is NOT OCD. If you are unsure please Google OCD and learn why it's very different from being tidy.

If you do think she has OCD the. Aiming to trigger it with Christmas decorations is extremely unkind BTW.