Awful neighbours or me? Finally moving

[finallymoving22]

Have lived in my HA house for a little over a year now.
Nothing but nuisance of the children, I'm talking about playing out at 6:30am, shouting and screaming waking my kids up.

Trespassing on my driveway, throwing things at my car, chucking mud at my house, footballs being kicked at my windows, the list is endless.

I brought planters and fencing to block it all of and that caused the parents of these kids to take issue with me and stopped talking to me.

I spoke to the council who were pretty useless and advised me they couldn't do an "arranged move" as "these issues court occur anywhere".

The final straw came when one of my neighbours made me aware that she was watching me and who visits me on her Ring door bell and as I have previously been a victim of DV and stalking this started of some anxiety issues for me as she would constantly watch and then proceed in asking intrusive questions after.

Me and OH have saved some money during the last 10 months this has been occurring and family will also chip in when we finally leave here December before Xmas and give the home up.

There is a Facebook and WhatsApp group chat and I have never been invited to join either (older lady I am friendly with told me about it).

I was putting up Halloween decorations yesterday and my NDN came out and asked me "if everything was OK as she had seen a HA rep attend the property on Thursday and it looked very formal" (was our HA officer who had come to inspect the property before giving our new landlord a reference).

I basically told her to mind her own business and to never question my visitors again and she walked off.

I have pretty much bene ostracised here just for putting up a fence and not allowing kids to damage my car etc, I have never been rude or nasty and I just feel awful like I am the problem here.

I used to take in this neighbours parcels and bins whilst she was at work and she created a WhatsApp group and didn't even invite me, despite us never having issues but she sided with the other parents here.

AIBU to feel like this?

Yes they were as I assume the kids go to breakfast clubs etc before school as they would be playing whilst waiting for their parents.

I only told her to mind her own business as again despite me being friendly to her and doing her favours she didn't add me on the groups and then has the cheek to still question me about the housing officers visit the other day so she can get the business and tell everyone (this is what she does, I have heard her myself talking about neighbours and their business etc".

Sounds dreadful. Sooner you’re out the better. Good luck with your move!
Why can’t people control their own kids. Pathetic. Poor teachers, they have to deal with them at school.

She started the neighbourhood group

I am guessing she’s lived there for a long time

whereas you… less than a year

I imagine she’s a well respected and involved member of the community

So out of the blue she said she spies on you using her ring cam?

You’re crazy to give up a secure HA property for the sake of petty drama like this.

I don’t believe everyone would be invited. There’s so many who won’t want to be part of neighbourhood groups.

I understand how you feel OP, I’ve had neighbours who behaved very similarly. I think people can’t understand how invaded and violated it makes you feel until it happens to them. It takes away your peace of mind and feeling of safety in your own home and you end up feeling anxious waiting for the next thing to happen. The WhatsApp groups then get joined by people who are not directly effected by the persons behaviour and then you end up looking like the problem which then leaves you feeling frustrated and a bit isolated.

When you move out and the new neighbour moves in and encounters the same problems that will be when she is exposed for who she really is to others.

No we all moved in last October as these are new build properties on a new estate.

She didn't say it out of the blue that she was spying on me, she slipped it into conversation that on one particular day I had visitors, visitors that she had not seen before and wanted to know who they were.

She had also commented on various other things that she would only know by her Ringdoor.

@LeavesTrees - thank you, yes that is how I feel, very isolated despite not doing anything wrong to anyone. It is an awful feeling and people that haven't experienced it won't understand it.

She invited everyone but maybe some people didn't want to join.

I was not invited and when I asked to join she didn't add me, this is despite me going out of my way to do her favours.

So in the space of a year she’s set up a large community WhatsApp group and is the administer of it. Wow, good on her

How do you know she invited “everyone”??? If covering 4 streets

Sounds like you’ve approached living there the completely wrong way. This is what you do: go in and shut your front door. Keep yourself to yourself. Don’t get involved in WhatsApp groups. Don’t get involved with anyone. Don’t engage with the kids (although I find 6.30am screaming hard to believe). Once you’ve put your head over the parapet and told the kids off you’ve put a target on your back. You don’t like them. They don’t like you. Move on taking the advice I’ve given.

I have never told off anyone's kids.
I didn't want to cause a confrontation so I put up fencing and plant pots to avoid a confrontation.

I do keep myself to myself it was my neighbour who was always approaching me for chats, favours etc.

But moving onto my new home I will keep myself to myself which I do anyway.

It seems very risky to give up new ! HA property for minor infringements . There is no guarantee that anywhere you move to might have the same problems . Your tolerance levels seem very low and I hope you develop a bit more resilience as unfortunately urban communal living is going to be challenging for you.

Remember kids grow up , patterns change . They will not always be primary age and when teenagers will be inside on devices ! While it's annoying to have nosey neighbours it's not harmful is it really . Really think about what you are giving up .

Crazy to give up a HA property for a private rental. Why don’t you advertise for a mutual exchange?

Mmm you’re not striking me as someone who keeps themselves to themselves. The asking to be on the WhatsApp group is a bit of a giveaway. If you want to be left alone you really do have to go under the radar. You usually find that others follow suit which creates a quieter environment.

There is stuff that is posted on the group chats such as missing parcels, lost cats/dogs, recomendations that kind of stuff etc.

It would of been nice to be on it for those reasons but still keep myself to myself.
I don't bother or trouble anyone.

…or she’s a loudmouth ‘forceful’ personality (we’ve all met them) who no-one wants to cross, so they’re all cheery and compliant with her. The op obviously made the mistake of trying to (non-controversially) protect her space with fence snd planters and in doing so, riled the NDN. You’re better off out of it, op. Hope your next neighbours are more amenable.

You got a brand new HA property
and because of what would appear very very mild situation - you’re uprooting your family after a year. Your children too.

And the property you’re moving in to…. No longer HA?

Or people are scared to upset the self appointed leader?
I personally cannot stand apparently community minded folk who are actually just nosy busy bodies!
Good luck @finallymoving22, regardless of the absolute right or wrongs of everyone's behaviour, it sounds like a move is the right option for you

Why do you not believe her about the children?

There have been many posts on MN about that exact problem

It all sounds very petty and you’re all far too involved in each others lives.

The most I say to my neighbours is a passing hello and small talk about the weather. It’s the best way to keep it. Friendly enough but not in each others pockets so there’s a risk of falling out.

OP is rude, neighbour is probably fine. OP it sounds like you have wayyyyy too much time on your hands. Maybe join a group, make friends and leave your poor neighbours to it.

I do believe her, trust me. It’s the 6.30am start that I questioned.

I could swear there are ‘let’s stir it up and be nasty’ bots on mn