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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this have bothered you

95 replies

leopardprintisnotaneautral · 31/10/2025 23:40

DC is in small class under 20 kids.

Year 3.

Tonight 5 people from their class turned up trick or treating at our house. All same gender and over half of that gender that are in his class.

Two are very good friends with DC, do after school clubs together, playdates etc. only one with one of the four parents of these two (iyswim) were present, it was the Mum, she's never actually been to our house (knows full well which village we live in) the Dad does the play dates Mum has a super full on job but we have both been to their's - we get on very well as couples with both families. One doesn't live in our village. The other child used to live in our village but they have moved just outside, their parents weren't there.

Three others live our village DC is friends with one, and friendly with the other two but not very close - they are super, super sporty, DC is into sports but two very niche ones for younger junior kids and they aren't the be all and end all but not be all and end all like two of these. One can be a bit mean but they all rub along. I know two of these parents very well socially outside of the village and the kids. One can be a bit of a bitch. One is fine.

Children 1&2 I had 0 idea were friends with (in fact I am pretty sure there was friction at some point) with 3&4, parents certainly don't socialise. Poles apart.

1 and 5 friends pre dating school.

The school together with the tennis club normally put on a brilliant Halloween party but DC adamant out of leftfield wanted to go trick or treating at the last minute yesterday. Checked in with some neighbours who always go to see if we could tag along - it's not something we've done before

DH went I stayed in doling out sweets. And it really really pissed me off when these 5 turned up at the door. With 4 out 10 parents - 3 of whom know full it's our house.

Turns out the kids have all been taking about it between themselves and 'it's been arranged on the what'sapp but not the school one DC' told me. So DC knew, that's why they wanted to go out. But they've clearly been left out of this little gathering haven't they.

AIBU to think A this is shit but B it's outrageous for them to have the cheek to turn up at our house wanting sweets. One of the Mum's was even like 'oh where's Leopard's child are they in or are they trick or treating' whilst trying to crane their bloody neck into my hallway.

OP posts:
Original poster
leopardprintisnotaneautral · 31/10/2025 23:43

Oh DH thinks I'm overthinking it and it would have been worse if they'd not come to the house.

OP posts:
mzpq · 31/10/2025 23:46

To be honest I found your post a bit hard to follow.

But as I understand it, you think your child should've been invited to trick or treat with them, but he ended up going with his dad instead?

If so, I can't say it'd bother me as such.

Sometimes my kids would want to go with others and sometimes they just went with me and their dad.

AmyDuPlantier · 31/10/2025 23:46

You are MAD overthinking this one. They’re little kids, cool it. Not everyone does or has to do everything with every friend.

Fairywingsandroses · 31/10/2025 23:47

Very confusing post but basically you think your kids should have been invited to trick or treat and they weren’t? And that the other kids shouldn’t have knocked on your door? I think you are overthinking.

Noshadelamp · 31/10/2025 23:52

Is your DC upset at being left out?
Surely that's the most important thing here, all the rest about the tennis club and who lives in what village and who knows this or that, it feels a bit exhausting.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 31/10/2025 23:53

You're being massively unreasonable. Your kid didn't get invited to something. It's not like every kid in the class was invited and your child was excluded. It was a group of friends meeting up. That's just how life works, you don't get to be invited to everything.

WilfredsPies · 31/10/2025 23:54

DC adamant out of leftfield wanted to go trick or treating at the last minute yesterday. Checked in with some neighbours who always go to see if we could tag along - it's not something we've done before Are you sure he wasn’t invited? Because it sounds very much like he was fully aware his friends were going. Are you sure it wasn’t just a massive miscommunication between you and your DS? He didn’t make it clear he wanted to go with a particular group of friends so you made plans with the neighbour?

soaddictedtocheese · 01/11/2025 00:01

Yes, it would bother me.

However, it sounds like there are around 10 boys in the class and only 5 were in this group?

so your son wasn’t the only one left out?

Original poster
leopardprintisnotaneautral · 01/11/2025 00:18

Thanks for the replies so far @soaddictedtocheese yes that's right, but all his classmates who love in our village were in this group of 5.

@WilfredsPies I think he did feel left out yes, but hasn't said outright - hence the the desperation to suddenly go Trick or Treating, he's been going on about the the party for three weeks we've gone for the last 4 years.

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots thing is the 5 are not all friends and two out of the 5 DC is very good friends with.

Perhaps I am overthinking. I just can't believe not one of the parents thought oooh maybe we should ask Leopard's child if they'd like to join.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 01/11/2025 00:21

YABU. Not everyone will be invited to every outing. The logistics of coordinating for everyone to meet would be a pain, walking around in a huge group would also be a pain.

MajorMerrick · 01/11/2025 00:21

You’re overthinking it, Halloween is a nightmare to arrange. I’m so glad my kids are too old now.

BauhausOfEliott · 01/11/2025 00:31

leopardprintisnotaneautral · 01/11/2025 00:18

Thanks for the replies so far @soaddictedtocheese yes that's right, but all his classmates who love in our village were in this group of 5.

@WilfredsPies I think he did feel left out yes, but hasn't said outright - hence the the desperation to suddenly go Trick or Treating, he's been going on about the the party for three weeks we've gone for the last 4 years.

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots thing is the 5 are not all friends and two out of the 5 DC is very good friends with.

Perhaps I am overthinking. I just can't believe not one of the parents thought oooh maybe we should ask Leopard's child if they'd like to join.

I really don’t see how you really know which of the five kids are friends with each other. For all you know they might have just happened to be playing together for a week or two. Maybe someone’s kid asked to go trick or treating and his parent just asked whoever was near at the school gates if any of their kids fancied it.

You’re being really precious about this and you’re way, way too invested in the details. Nobody’s done anything wrong.

WizardofCoz · 01/11/2025 00:33

I found your post exhausting to read,
As someone who’s coordinated trick or treating for D & pals for a decade (& bloody glad I don’t have to anymore) it can be a nightmare to get everyone together & often easier to keep groups smaller for so many reasons.
Politely, sounds like there’s more going on here than Halloween disappointment the way you’re explaining the other kids/parents…

Eenameenadeeka · 01/11/2025 00:35

Nope, wouldn't bother me at all

Bearybasket · 01/11/2025 00:39

I think either the parents of these kids get along better than you realise or the parent that had the kids out felt 5 kids were as many as she was willing yo deal with on her own.

Either way yabvu

TealSapphire · 01/11/2025 00:41

To be 'really really pissed off' is an extreme reaction, and not a good example to set for your child re navigating friendships.

I agree it was probably a miscommunication between you and your child. When he said he wanted to go, did you ask who he wanted to go with? Was he even there when his classmates rocked up or is he completely unaware?

The dynamics between the other kids and Mum’s are irrelevant. I think you need to take a big step back and not dwell on minor happenings like this.

FlockofSquirrels · 01/11/2025 00:44

Your entire post is unreasonable (it is absolutely not healthy for anyone when parents are this intense about children’s friendships).

But this is where I absolutely cracked up

it's outrageous for them to have the cheek to turn up at our house wanting sweets.

Ma’am. If you choose to hand out candy to trick or treaters on Halloween then you do not get to call groups of parents and children cheeky for “turning up at your house wanting sweets” without coming across as completely unhinged.

LifeOfAShowgirl13 · 01/11/2025 01:08

Couldn’t really follow your post but I think YABU. Also your username is spelled wrong (neutral).

BallerinaRadio · 01/11/2025 01:13

Fucking hell village politics is fucking draining FFS let your kids grow up before dragging them into it. Just trying to understand your kids social circle gave me a headache and didn't really add to the story

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 01/11/2025 01:19

I’d guess that the main organiser in this case is one of those not regarded as close friends. So if they’ve invited someone to go trick or treating with them, the invitee is not really in a position to invite extra guests of their own to tag along. Ultimately, everyone can’t be invited to everything. It sounds like your child does have friends and get invited places so try not to stress about this one.

Tetchypants · 01/11/2025 01:27

From the sheer amount of word salad you’ve written, I’d say you’re massively overthinking it. Why have you sat and analysed every dynamic of every friendship? You will drive yourself quite mad with so many pointless thoughts in your head. It’s done, close that tab down and log off.

Meadowfinch · 01/11/2025 01:35

Gosh OP. Does it matter? It's a bunch of dcs in costumes, begging sweets.

It just isn't something to get so uptight about.

JMSA · 01/11/2025 03:30

Eh??

SriouslyWhutNow · 01/11/2025 03:57

YABU for being all coy and convoluted about the “gender” (sex actually) of these kids when roughly 50% of the population is male and 50% is female and this is not outing. And more to the point, that whole waffle about “they” was utterly irrelevant to your entire thread. I think. I’m still trying to work out why it upset you that kids went trick or treating on halloween when you had sweets to give to trick or treaters. 🧐

SriouslyWhutNow · 01/11/2025 03:59

Maybe next time you want to write something, ask chat gpt to make it more concise, read it back to yourself, and learn what to leave out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread