Would this have bothered you

[leopardprintisnotaneautral]

DC is in small class under 20 kids.

Year 3.

Tonight 5 people from their class turned up trick or treating at our house. All same gender and over half of that gender that are in his class.

Two are very good friends with DC, do after school clubs together, playdates etc. only one with one of the four parents of these two (iyswim) were present, it was the Mum, she's never actually been to our house (knows full well which village we live in) the Dad does the play dates Mum has a super full on job but we have both been to their's - we get on very well as couples with both families. One doesn't live in our village. The other child used to live in our village but they have moved just outside, their parents weren't there.

Three others live our village DC is friends with one, and friendly with the other two but not very close - they are super, super sporty, DC is into sports but two very niche ones for younger junior kids and they aren't the be all and end all but not be all and end all like two of these. One can be a bit mean but they all rub along. I know two of these parents very well socially outside of the village and the kids. One can be a bit of a bitch. One is fine.

Children 1&2 I had 0 idea were friends with (in fact I am pretty sure there was friction at some point) with 3&4, parents certainly don't socialise. Poles apart.

1 and 5 friends pre dating school.

The school together with the tennis club normally put on a brilliant Halloween party but DC adamant out of leftfield wanted to go trick or treating at the last minute yesterday. Checked in with some neighbours who always go to see if we could tag along - it's not something we've done before

DH went I stayed in doling out sweets. And it really really pissed me off when these 5 turned up at the door. With 4 out 10 parents - 3 of whom know full it's our house.

Turns out the kids have all been taking about it between themselves and 'it's been arranged on the what'sapp but not the school one DC' told me. So DC knew, that's why they wanted to go out. But they've clearly been left out of this little gathering haven't they.

AIBU to think A this is shit but B it's outrageous for them to have the cheek to turn up at our house wanting sweets. One of the Mum's was even like 'oh where's Leopard's child are they in or are they trick or treating' whilst trying to crane their bloody neck into my hallway.

And this isn't mean, as they are likely to be asking if DC was there as they are likely to have believed they were at the Halloween party they normally go to, so a pretty normal question 'hi is DC in' (meaning are they back from the party to say hello).

Given the unintelligibility of op's post i would say massive miscommunication is likely!

@Whoevenarethey to be honest the whole class normally goes, I think as Halloween fell on the Friday that's why folk went trick or treating instead.

I would feel pissed off but you have to train yourself and your dc to think you can't be invited to everything and it doesn't matter. I think it stems from a sort of rejection fear in some. But they have just done what they fancied doing. It isn't an attack on you. They thought it would be nice to visit you. It was a bit thoughtless but there was no malice there. In fact they liked you enough to visit.

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I think it’s nice that they knocked to see him and wanted to say hello. Would be odd if they skipped your house.

I know it’s horrible thinking your child is disappointed but they’re too young to think about these things. He probably wanted to get out so he could bump into them or maybe join them.

Year 3s have WhatsApp and are communicating independently?

Were they not knocking for treats but also to ask your DC if he wanted to join them?

Well even if they weren't you're being ridiculously OTT and need to stop obsessing. You don't know everything about who other people's children are friends with.

Calling people cheeky for trick or treating at your house when you celebrate Halloween is absolutely laughable.

Crikey that is a long convoluted post OP - what has them being super sporty got to do with anything?

Yes I think it is mean for them to knock if they knew it was your house but honestly it reflects on them rather than you. Sometimes groups of Mums are more friendly maybe this group are. Just forget about it now.

I couldn't concentrate on your post. Forgive me, who are you calling a 'Bit of a B**'?
One of the mothers, or a junior aged child? 🤔

Maybe that group of kids has always gone out trick or treating together. Whereas you usually go to the party.

This is mad OP, are you like this IRL? Just chill out a bit. Your son could even have tagged along with the group after they came to your house surely? Trick or treat is a really casual affair not a guest list only party with bouncers on the door.

I can’t understand all the ins and outs but you’re basically asking if it’s ok for them to be trick or treating without your child. Yes.

it's outrageous for them to have the cheek to turn up at our house wanting sweets

That's the whole point of Halloween, for heaven's sake.

You are massively overthinking this, OP. You're overreacting and frankly sound bats. Children get together in endless permutations. It's perfectly fine for not everyone to be invited every time. Unless it was 29 out of 30 getting together, this is not something to get aerated about.

Are you hyper sensitive to bullying or being excluded because of your own experience? Because otherwise I can't see why some classmates trick or treating would get you so worked up.

I can’t tell where your DC was. This is really hard to follow.

Did you ask if they were going, they said no, then turned up in a group at your door?

Next year organise something yourself and invite who you want. Often kids activities eg trick or treating are more to go with who the parents are mates with rather than who the kids are. Your DH is right. You are overthinking.

Agree. Need a Venn diagram to work it all out 😆

No it wouldn't bother me at all. Your children's classmates are allowed to make arrangements with other friends that don't include your child. If you wanted your child to go trick or treating with friends, you could have invited some to go with you.

If you are thinking like this, you’re going to find the coming school years very difficult. Not all children have to do everything, be invited to everything, be even thought about when stuff is being arranged. Let it go.

I lost the plot halfway through reading this. Honestly just move on.

It looked like practically the whole of my DS class showed up at our house together trick or treating. I just assumed lots of them are tagging along for together for safety (not every parent can take them/ they saw each other out and about and decided to stick together. I admired their costumes and gave them their sweets, it's almost definitely not a personal conspiracy against your family or your kid

You’re thinking on this matter is convoluted and unnecessary. I hope you’ve managed to keep your negativity away from your child.

TL;DR. Word salad

Nope wouldn’t have bothered me at all. Halloween isn’t like an organised thing. The whole fun of it is running around in the dark in costumes and meeting people as you go. I’ve never had anyone invite us to tag along with them (and my eldest is 12). You just see people out and about and you make a group if you’re going the same way. Of course, they’d come to your house. That’s the point. It would be weird if they didn’t.

When your DC decided they wanted to go out did you text their friends parents asking if anyone else was going? That way you could possibly have joined a group.
I don't think them knocking on your house was pointed or mean, houses with young children are more likely to be participating and it sounds like it's a small community. Asking if your child was home sounds more like 'oh can we say hi if they're here' than haha let them see us having fun without them.
We went out last night with a group from DS class, we bumped into other groups and knocked some doors of others they knew.
One of the children in our group was one that isn't part of DS close circle so it might have seemed a strange grouping to others who know that, but he is the younger sibling of DD's best friend so he joined me while my DD went with their Mum (and is still in my house and staying over tonight because they're thick as thieves now haha). This just demonstrates how sometimes these random combinations happen for completely rational reasons.
I don't think any ill intent was meant here, just a few got together and decided to do something and didn't think to include every possible permutation of friendship groups.

Is this Solihull by any chance?